To feel a little put out grandparents came empty handed to Baptism?

[nappiesgone]

Very small affair, grandparents, nieces, aunts, uncles and godparents. No celebration, just a tiny service. It was done for the religious significance rather than an excuse to hold a party. Yet I feel my parents/ siblings were a little miserable to bring nothing to save for my son to remember the day as a keepsake. Especially considering it was a small affair not expecting presents as such, thinking more a pretty card with a thoughtful message to show my son when he's older. I hoped to put a few cards in a shoebox to pull out for his first communion.

Godparents bought pretty things to put aside, a silver cross and a keepsake box which was lovely of them.

Before it's asked, we're a well off family, not rich but nowhere near worrying about the price of cards level. No big fall outs, live fairly local.

I've never been to a christening that didn't have some sort of get together afterwards. We only had small christenings and large First Holy Communions. We got presents at both. Also DC got candles from the church.

YABU to expect presents if you didn't have a gathering afterwards. They should have brought a card, but you haven't really done the normal thing, have you, by not having a gathering. DS1 was christened on New Years' Day many years ago, it was snowing, but we still had a party afterwards.

Well me and DH got married a couple of years ago - very small affair - just us and two couples. We went away and had a lovely day and a meal at the hotel afterwards and we paid for the meal and wine for all six of us but they paid for their own rooms. We were going to have the full shebang - all family and friends invited/wedding breakfast/ and buffet and hired small nightclub with dj after. But then my DBro had a sudden illness and subsequently died just before our wedding. So l really really couldnt be bothered with all the flowers and seating and blah blah so we wrote off a couple of deposits - everyone was very good about it tbh - the hotel said could re-book within 12 months and not lose deposit and the church refunded our payment as managed to re-book our 'slot'.

Eighteen months later we finally got round to having a 'do' - lovely buffet/dj/hired large room the works - l wore my dress etc. Told everyone on our invites - about 100 (over 90 showed including the 2 couples who attended our wedding proper) - that it was 'our wedding do finally' to make up for 'doing one' on them all ,so to speak. They all knew the circumstances.

Even the people who attended our wedding proper and who hadnt bought us anything on the premise we would have a 'do' later on didnt buy us anything. The rest (bar two who bought us wine and a card) didnt either - presumably because we'd been married 18 months already. So nobody thought it was appropriate to buy us a wedding present so l know how you feel. Like you say its not the presents themselves its the absence of keepsakes/cards etc and the fact on our original wedding invites we had stated if anyone was stuck what to buy us then NZ dollars would be good.

We didnt fall out with anyone about it ( mainly as that would have been most of our family and friends ) though l was a bit miffed tbh. l just shrugged it off in the end and settled for my memories of a lovely night and photos etc. Just put it down to tightfistedness the circumstances and people not really being sure of etiquette etc at a belated do. Really l think you need to do same - not everyones sure of religious etiquette either. l briefly thought of asking my closest friend why she thought no-one had bought us a present including you tight arse but decided it would leave a bad taste if l had to ask and some people then got us a present iyswim. sorry for the hijack btw.

Sudaname, thank you for posting- I feel for you. Much sadder curcumstances, I'm quite surprised by your experience.

I wouldn't mention anything either, or fall out over it.

yes JudgeJudy thats what l think. If you do anything outside the norm people use it as an excuse just dont get prompted to bring a present.

l'm not bitter obviously .

Lol, and I'm not bitter Sudaname that I'd held celebrations for family on both the preceeding days!

I'd be surprised to have someone turn up without even a card. I would have thought close family would have bought a gift as a memento for the child too. It would be very unusual ime to not do so. I would never turn up to any baptism without a card and gift, regardless of how closely related we were. So yes, it would seem strange to me.

Re, the wedding party. We got married abroad, just me and DH. We then had a blessing and party 2 or 3 weeks later when we got home. We had about 100 guests. Everyone sent us a card and bought us a gift. There was no expectation, no formal list either.

i just can't imagine turning up to any form of celebration and/or party without at least a card and more often then not a gift.

Thank you Nappies. Yes l was a bit gobsmacked l must admit. But as l said above l think its just the absence of a prompt sometimes as in a wedding list in our case or an 'after party' opportunity in your case. l think it bugged me slightly no you dont say because l never ever go to a do of any kind where the host(s) has paid good money to entertain me and feed me - with my arms swinging. But that's just me.

Did you take some photos you can get printed nicely and keep? Maybe ask them to write something on the back of them or you could write a note all about the day (and the Christmas lead-up if it included family) and all the people who attended for him.

Unfortunately the camera gave up on us oddboots, the shutter got completely stuck.

Dear OP, if what you really want is a card/note as a keepsake for your child to put in a shoebox, how about ringing them up and asking them for one? It's not too late.

Can we swap our tight arse friends for yours Hula. Seriously though, our friends are lovely and were very very supportive etc etc. l just really think the moment had passed after 18 months and people were really unsure about what was expected as the invites had no mention of presents etc. Maybe should have been cheeky and re-vamped our original invites and just inserted word 'finally' in brackets or whatever and changed the date - as they had the gift suggestion of NZ dollars or vouchers for our favourite store.

If it was my own parents/siblings I would tell them how you feel and suggest that they either get a card or,better still, write a baptism day letter for your ds that he can keep for always.Tell them its about loving and sharing the occasion before God.The baby is too young to remember so it is up to the adults who were present to make the memories for him.

Another factor in our case also l really thought l had got over this till reading this thread was we are not a young couple just starting off establishing our own home etc - we are in our 50s and have both been married before so two of everything already etc etc..

are they also Catholic? tbh I wouldn't have bothered with a keepsake present at a christening cos i don't see the point and it's just another example of the commercialisation of Christianity (Christmas and Easter already being pretty much secular present giving fests) but having read this thread I see not everyone feels that way! I didn't know, for example, that the keepsakes are looked at in confirmation classes and talked about.

Sudaname...I can't believe no one got presents! No one at all? That would make me wonder if I'd 'missed' them tbh. I know it sounds unlikely but are you absolutely sure there wasn't a pile somewhere in the corner at the hotel? I just cant believe not a single person bothered. That is very strange.

OP, YANBU. I'd have been very hurt in that situation. It's not about the stuff, it's the lack of thought.

it obviously IS about the stuff, at least partly if people come on here and complain about it and call their friends tightarsed .

YANBJ. My parents always turn up empty handed. Mean and rude. A random 'saw this and thought of you' gift every now and again would be lovely but never happens. They should have bought a christening gift. A bible or prayer book would have been lovely.

.

Oh Jasper you need to re-read to understand. But you won't return. No friends came.

Merci-Everyone present/ in both families was Catholic. In fact probably almost their entire social circle/ family history was. Not really any room for not knowing conventions. I guess Catholics are more likely than most to have certain special items, rosary beads, statutes etc of importance than other denominations. A small icon of the saint he is named after would have been a special item. It's not so much the silver stuff I've seen at other baptisms. I don't think it's commercialisation, every generation of Catholics in my family has beads, icons, crosses, candles etc. As I said though these would have been lovely, but a card enough.

Sudaname, I almost feel like posting you a wedding card!

MrsHarry, yes a bible would be wonderful!

Abbie yes two couples got us a card and bottle of champagne and wine respectively and that was it. It wasnt a hotel just upstairs function room in a local social club and we went back next day to get our collage of photos and some plates of ours etc and to check we'd not left anything else - we left any untouched food to staff on night.

in that case then, it does sound mean not to bring anything! I don't know much about Catholic traditions, it sounds a nice tradition, not commercial. I was thinking more of 'large expensive silverware'

Of course they should have turned up with a present for their grandchild's christening. Prayer book, children's bible, gold or silver cross, napkin ring, mug, bowl and plate, little set of cutlery. It isn't rocket science.

Very odd to turn up without a gift or card! Can only imagine that, as there wasn't a get-together afterwards, that they somehow didn't see it as a "proper" baptism?

Anyway, congratulations on the baptism of your DC! God bless.

Nappiesgone thank you that would be lovely but dont forget to pop £50 pounds in minimum