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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To move neighbours sodding dryer myself.

83 replies

pantspantspants · 08/01/2012 12:47

Back story - next door is rented, we have never had any problems and we have always had good neighbours move in but they are not always accepted by others. We always offer to help out, go round with a basket of things and flowers when they move in and generally make them feel welcome. Its a neighbourhood that you are either accepted and everything is lovely but high maintenance or you move out. This house is the only rented house in our area and because of this it makes it difficult to be accepted and thats why I go over the top to make people feel welcome and integrate them.

I am the only one not from a wealthy background (partner is though) in the area and used to rent so always feel like its my job to forge a friendship with the tenants also with all the boring curtain twitching others do it makes life a bit more interesting for me.

Our current neighbour moved in 6ish months ago after splitting from his wife. He is the first one I've not liked, but I've tried. He expects a lot of help and never returns the favour i.e. expects me to put his bins out when he's away by putting a note through the door but not even a thank you or used our drive when he had a party blocking our cars in when I was 38 weeks pregnant and wouldn't ask his guests to move them. He also uses another neighbour as a receiving centre for all his business parcels, without asking or thanks. Its a never ending list of things he expects us and other neighbours to do and I think his wife used to do everything so he is now wanting others to step in.

I have generally put up with his behaviour and not passed comment when others have complained about him. He hasn't realised how much unrest he is causing. I am currently limiting contact and help in the hope he will start living more independently soon.

Current situation is this - His house has a garage that is semi-detached neighbours house next to him, this neighbour (neighbour 2) is well thought of in the village and has a lot of say in things. My neighbour puts his dryer in the garage and turns it on at night. This causes neighbour 2 to loose sleep with the noise and so he has set about to try to drum up support to remove neighbour 1 i.e. inviting various members of the community to listen to the noise. Neighbour 1 has been asked to move the dryer out of the garage, or away from the wall and to the other side of the garage or only use it in the day.

Neighbour 1 has asked me to put the washing in and on in the day for him as he's out at work but refuses to move the dryer at all. Im not comfortable with this and don't have the time. I also feel that as he won't move it why should I go out my way to help. It is right against the wall and does cause a lot of noise.

Should I go in when the garage door is open and move the dryer away from the wall without him knowing in the hope that this will stop neighbour 2 from making a case for removing neighbour 1 and risk causing more trouble i.e. who moved my dryer trespass etc or sit back and allow a man I don't like to be forced out.

Next summer (if he makes it that far) maybe easier for neighbour 1 as he's very outdoorsy and may make friends through that.

Sorry that was longer than I thought it would be Smile

OP posts:
Shutupanddrive · 08/01/2012 12:49

I think you should keep your nose out!

NinkyNonker · 08/01/2012 12:51

Your neighbourhood doesn't sound v pleasant! Will be back when not on phone.

totallyscunnered · 08/01/2012 12:52

I would tell your neighbour 1 to fuck off you're not his cleaner and you won't be putting his washing in his dryer or taking his bins in either.

You could put a note through his door.

Don't get involved - this man is taking advantage, it's no bloody wonder his wife got pissed off if he carried on like that when he was married.

Practice your fuck the fuck off and then fuck off some more.

Grin
TattyDevine · 08/01/2012 12:53

Good lord. This is madness. Don't get involved. Its not your problem.

Take a step back, from this neighbour, and the other curtain twitching pearl-clutchers as well, I'd say.

Bizarre!

LIZS · 08/01/2012 12:55

Agree, not your business and only do favours if it is convenient to you. By the sounds of it you are worried about falling out with other neighbours by intervening anyway. Certainly not your place to move his dryer !

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2012 12:55

You seem terribly 'involved' to be honest.

It's nice to be a helpful neighbour, but there's a fine line between helping and interfering.

Perhaps he doesn't want to move the dryer on principle?

The principle being he's living surrounded by snobs who seem to think they're better than him in some way, because they have a mortgaged home?

Let's hope this one doesn't 'move out' because he's not being accepted.

Catsmamma · 08/01/2012 12:56

do you not have enough to amuse you in your own life??

Really, stop getting involved and hand back your "Queen of the Street" badge....it's simple enough to be a good neighbour without all this palaver.

LadySybilDeChocolate · 08/01/2012 12:56

Tell him to sod off and do his own washing. He sounds like a real PITA to be honest, you've tried to be helpful but he's talking the piss. Everyone's right, take a step back because it's not your problem.

WilsonFrickett · 08/01/2012 12:56

Where you live sounds pretty unpleasant. But there's no way I'd be doing the washing of a perfectly able neighbour, even if it would pour oil on troubled waters. I'd steer well clear. Actually, I'd probably move, but that's just me...

TheSkiingGardener · 08/01/2012 12:57

Um, you are seriously asking how you should solve your neighbours problems? It's his problem, leave him to it. He's hardly going to learn to be independent if you are over there wiping his bum for him is he?

Callisto · 08/01/2012 12:57

Well firstly, your neighbourhood sounds like my idea of hell - I should think the tenants keep moving out because you're all so bloody nosy. And secondly, you sound like an absolute mug to be doing anything for this bloke. You don't even like him.

In fact, this all sounds so unbelievable that I think it must be a wind-up.

OhyouBadBadkitten · 08/01/2012 12:57

I'd leave them to it and observe the results from a distance.

1Catherine1 · 08/01/2012 12:58

Seriously... this is bizarre. What a neighbourhood you live in!

Firstly I'd tell that guy that you are not his mother nor his maid. If he wants things done for him then he should consider paying for you to do them. If you feel bad about what may happen to him you could give him a vague warning that his behaviour is upsetting the neighbours and will not be tolerated forever.

Stop doing things for him even if he leaves you a note. Cut contact.

headinhands · 08/01/2012 13:00

Just out of interest, how could they force him out? Sounds like a scary village tbh.

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2012 13:00

Wait a minute

Is this a wind up?

Do you live on Wisteria Lane?

Grin
NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 08/01/2012 13:03

Neighbour 1 sounds like an arse. Why on earth do you want to keep him?

The rest of the neighbourhood also sound quite arse-like. Why do you want to live near them?

The only solution is to move house and leave all of them to it. Either Neighbour 1 will remain an oblivious blot on the landscape and give everyone else a common enemy, or the neighbourhood coven will "force him out" as you say and gloat about it.

But you could be living in peace, far away from all of them with hopefully nicer people long before any of that happens.

Don't move the dryer, don't put his bins out, don't do anything but tell him if he wants a housekeeper he needs to employ one because you don't have the time or the inclination to run around after him any more. Ignore the notes that come through the door.

pantspantspants · 08/01/2012 13:06

Maybe I am too involved. But in this busybody type village its easy to loose perspective of that. We went through a difficult time money wise a few months back and considered renting our house out and renting ourselves so, maybe I've put myself in his shoes little too much.

OP posts:
AFuckingKnackeredWoman · 08/01/2012 13:07

What the actual fuck?

You all sound deranged!

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2012 13:08

Why are you so focused on 'renting'? Confused

No disrespect but you're coming across as quite patronising about it

WilsonFrickett · 08/01/2012 13:08

I'm renting ATM. Didn't realise it was such a terrible situation to be in. Hmm

NewYearFestiveCheer · 08/01/2012 13:08

I know you said you don't particularly like him but what kind of relationship do you have with him? Maybe you could have a chat about the way he's been behaving and how it's making you and the neighbours feel ie that the dryer is really upsetting his neighbours due the noise due to it's position in the garage. You could suggest someone as a paid housekeeper type thing and explain that you're too busy to put someones washing in during the day and feel you're being taken advantage of.

eurochick · 08/01/2012 13:08

Your street sounds like my idea of hell. What an awful way to live!

I agree with the advice to keep your nose out and stop doing neighbour 1 favours. In your shoes, I would also move, far, far away, but each to their own.

snala · 08/01/2012 13:09

Why are you even involved?Confused
You all sound quite bonkers!

pantspantspants · 08/01/2012 13:10

No wind up im afraid just little village politics. Sorry replied before seeing noones post, slow typer on my phone now. I did think when we were considering renting it would be an easier life not living here.

OP posts:
OldMumsy · 08/01/2012 13:10

Have you noticed an absence of crusty jugglers? It's for the greater good though.