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AIBU?

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Original poster

To move neighbours sodding dryer myself.

83 replies

pantspantspants · 08/01/2012 12:47

Back story - next door is rented, we have never had any problems and we have always had good neighbours move in but they are not always accepted by others. We always offer to help out, go round with a basket of things and flowers when they move in and generally make them feel welcome. Its a neighbourhood that you are either accepted and everything is lovely but high maintenance or you move out. This house is the only rented house in our area and because of this it makes it difficult to be accepted and thats why I go over the top to make people feel welcome and integrate them.

I am the only one not from a wealthy background (partner is though) in the area and used to rent so always feel like its my job to forge a friendship with the tenants also with all the boring curtain twitching others do it makes life a bit more interesting for me.

Our current neighbour moved in 6ish months ago after splitting from his wife. He is the first one I've not liked, but I've tried. He expects a lot of help and never returns the favour i.e. expects me to put his bins out when he's away by putting a note through the door but not even a thank you or used our drive when he had a party blocking our cars in when I was 38 weeks pregnant and wouldn't ask his guests to move them. He also uses another neighbour as a receiving centre for all his business parcels, without asking or thanks. Its a never ending list of things he expects us and other neighbours to do and I think his wife used to do everything so he is now wanting others to step in.

I have generally put up with his behaviour and not passed comment when others have complained about him. He hasn't realised how much unrest he is causing. I am currently limiting contact and help in the hope he will start living more independently soon.

Current situation is this - His house has a garage that is semi-detached neighbours house next to him, this neighbour (neighbour 2) is well thought of in the village and has a lot of say in things. My neighbour puts his dryer in the garage and turns it on at night. This causes neighbour 2 to loose sleep with the noise and so he has set about to try to drum up support to remove neighbour 1 i.e. inviting various members of the community to listen to the noise. Neighbour 1 has been asked to move the dryer out of the garage, or away from the wall and to the other side of the garage or only use it in the day.

Neighbour 1 has asked me to put the washing in and on in the day for him as he's out at work but refuses to move the dryer at all. Im not comfortable with this and don't have the time. I also feel that as he won't move it why should I go out my way to help. It is right against the wall and does cause a lot of noise.

Should I go in when the garage door is open and move the dryer away from the wall without him knowing in the hope that this will stop neighbour 2 from making a case for removing neighbour 1 and risk causing more trouble i.e. who moved my dryer trespass etc or sit back and allow a man I don't like to be forced out.

Next summer (if he makes it that far) maybe easier for neighbour 1 as he's very outdoorsy and may make friends through that.

Sorry that was longer than I thought it would be Smile

OP posts:
totallyscunnered · 08/01/2012 14:07

So what? If he's made to leave, so what? His problem.

you are really far too involved.

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2012 14:07

He's probably counting down the days til his contract runs out and he can go and live somewhere nice.

Hence the reason he's not bothered about his dryer making noise?

CrotchFlakes · 08/01/2012 14:08

Forgetting all about the dryer/wall dispute .... why the actual fuck is your neighbour asking you to do his washing??? How does that come up in conversation?

You have 3 preschoolers. But even if you did nothing but sit on the sofa all day, you do not do your neighbour's washing unless 1. His machine is broken or 2. He is unwell.

HowlingBitch · 08/01/2012 14:11

Completely off subject here but... What on earth are crotch flakes?!

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 08/01/2012 14:11

No advice for you other than to butt out of other peoples' lives.

On the other hand, I am so glad to be on merely nodding and smiling terms with my neighbours. Also I had no clue that renting was looked down upon by others who own their own homes Hmm

Northernlurker · 08/01/2012 14:21

Stop mothering him.

Stop putting his washing on (wtf!)

Move - your neighbourhood sounds totally insane

catgirl1976 · 08/01/2012 14:21

seriously toying with the idea of finding this village, buying houses in it and then renting them out to the most unsuitable tenants i can find :)

Deux · 08/01/2012 14:27

this sounds barking mad.

Anyway, the only thing to do is give your neighbour practical solutions to the dryer noise problem.

1 Get a ceiling airer or any old clothes horse in the garage. Finish drying washing in dryer, would only take about 20 mins.

  1. Place dryer away from the wall and on a piece or foam or lino or carpet or something to absorb some noise.
  1. Get a plug in timer for the dryer and set it for dyatime.

Other than that I think you've just got to leave them to it? Is this Portmerion or Poundbury or somewhere? Sounds grim, what a dreadful way to live.

MiloandAmeliasMummy · 08/01/2012 14:33

My Goodness. For a start your neighbourhood disliking someone because they rent -- ludicrous. That's not even snobbery, it's insane, in some countries they only buy houses when they can afford them outright (in my husband's native Germany for example) and renting is the norm.

Do not feel bad, don't let your neighbours put you in that position. Tumble dryer noise --wtf! Seriously my house is terraced and I can hear my weird neighbour go up and down his stairs and I'm not bothered. Your curtain twitching friend seems very odd and if he is so well to do then why is his house close enough to hear the tumble dryer?

As someone else said stop doing favours for the ingrate, though to be honest we're always accepting others' mail and don't really expect a thank you -- it's not them who made the decision it's the city link man. Ignore the curtain twitching weirdos and enjoy your life

herbietea · 08/01/2012 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ArtVandelay · 08/01/2012 14:39

You still haven't explained how you've been coopted into quite extreme task doing for your neighbour. The only person I would consider doing this for would be our 93 year old neighbour who can't walk and I wouldnt even do that if he was an arse that treated me with contempt like your neighbour does (re. parking etc).

With 3 little ones, he should be offering to drag YOUR bins out.

marfisa · 08/01/2012 14:46

What everyone else has said.

You are not this man's wife or mother or caregiver. He is a big boy and able to move his dryer on his own if he chooses not to be a total dick.

I have never heard of anyone asking a neighbour to put their laundry on for them. This is sexist in the extreme. Can you imagine a working woman asking her male neighbour to do her washing for her?

This is clearly a case where the famous MN balls are in order.

sleepymammary · 08/01/2012 14:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

squeakytoy · 08/01/2012 14:59

At the moment, my dryer is on in about 20feet away from me, and I cant hear it!

Original poster
pantspantspants · 08/01/2012 15:00

With the parcels that is another neighbour who he puts on the delivery note to drop off to, for his business so every day but has never asked her, when he collects he just says well I knew you would be in and I would be out so got it to drop off here.

With the bins its just a note through the door, the first few times I thought it was because he was away at short notice and because he maybe had forgot to ask someone properly but as it went on I started to accidentally not notice the notes and not do it. But when I have forgot he's sulked like a toddler then said its all the stuff his wife did and he forgets to organise these things. ge does tend to be away on bin day often.

Drive thing he did without asking, my DP went round and asked for them to move but he just said it was his first party on his own and didn't want to mess it up and have to ask for people to move. He also said he didn't realise was that pregnant and would get them to move we needed to go any where.

With the washing he said the neighbour 2 was moaning for it to be used day time only so if he put the washing on when he left in the morning could I go in later and put it in the dryer and turn it on. I don't want to have a key for the house or handle someone else's washing so made excuses about a fire risk and didn't do it.

OP posts:
ViviPru · 08/01/2012 15:00

Just Confused.

And a bit Hmm at the intimation that renters are any different from owner-occupiers.

baubleybobbityhat · 08/01/2012 15:01

Blimey, did it have to be so long?

totallyscunnered · 08/01/2012 15:04

Honestly, he's taking the piss. Massively.

Stop putting his bins out and disengage. Do the famous "no is a complete sentence"

I think you sound nice and a bit soft but you seriously need to strap on a set of MN balls. And use them.

HoudiniHissy · 08/01/2012 15:12

Think yourself LUCKY he's only renting, he may decide to move on, or the LL may decide not to renew. If you all contact the LL, it may be that they decide NOT to renew it. It's worth a try.

After all, if he is this negligent with his bins/parcels/driveway/neighbours, he probably won't be keeping the house in good order or bothering with the garden...

If I were you, I'd set him damned straight about his behaviour as far as he is concerned and remind him that you are not his surrogate wife to put his ffing bins out, that he's a grown up and it's about time he took responsibility for his own life, his bins, his washing and his parcels.

If the neighbour is unhappy at being his parcel depot, she is well within her rights to refuse to take them.

He's treating you ALL like you have an obligation to help/carry/mollycoddle him. You don't.

I'm also in the 'Totally Get Why His DW Dumped Him' camp.

QuintessentiallyShallow · 08/01/2012 15:17

Madness.

Dont interfere, stay out, and leave well alone.

Your kindness make you sound like a servant. Dont do anything for him. Not even when he puts a note. He cant DEMAND that anybody do his domestic chores.

Callisto · 08/01/2012 15:20

I would have ignored every note put through my door and also his sulky toddler routine. Are you in fact shagging him OP? Because I really just can't understand why you have anything to do with him at all.

Original poster
pantspantspants · 08/01/2012 15:29

Ok I'll start ignoring the requests for help and remove myself from any of the dryer situation, at some point he has to deal with the fact that his wife left him and why. If the other villagers want him out I suppose they will always find a reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
pantspantspants · 08/01/2012 15:31

Oh and really not my type!

OP posts:
QuintessentiallyShallow · 08/01/2012 15:33

He, and other renters, are really not your responsibility. And it is not your responsibility to help people settle.

The renters next door might not even like all this interfering into their lives and whereabouts! Your new neighbour might just have picked up on your kindness and think this is what people do! (it is not)

callmemrs · 08/01/2012 15:35

It would serve the stuck up neighbours right if the landlord ignored their whining and let the tenant renew his contract. After all, no landlord wants the hassle and cost of drawing up a new tenancy agreement , doing an inventory, securing references and deposit every six months.

One word keeps popping into my head- feudal.

This whole village seems to run on everyone 'keeping in' with the right people. Whether this man is an irritating neighbour or not, he's not doing anything illegal, and the implication that other tenants have been hounded out and that he might be too simply because his face doesn't fit is truly disgusting .