Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To move neighbours sodding dryer myself.

83 replies

pantspantspants · 08/01/2012 12:47

Back story - next door is rented, we have never had any problems and we have always had good neighbours move in but they are not always accepted by others. We always offer to help out, go round with a basket of things and flowers when they move in and generally make them feel welcome. Its a neighbourhood that you are either accepted and everything is lovely but high maintenance or you move out. This house is the only rented house in our area and because of this it makes it difficult to be accepted and thats why I go over the top to make people feel welcome and integrate them.

I am the only one not from a wealthy background (partner is though) in the area and used to rent so always feel like its my job to forge a friendship with the tenants also with all the boring curtain twitching others do it makes life a bit more interesting for me.

Our current neighbour moved in 6ish months ago after splitting from his wife. He is the first one I've not liked, but I've tried. He expects a lot of help and never returns the favour i.e. expects me to put his bins out when he's away by putting a note through the door but not even a thank you or used our drive when he had a party blocking our cars in when I was 38 weeks pregnant and wouldn't ask his guests to move them. He also uses another neighbour as a receiving centre for all his business parcels, without asking or thanks. Its a never ending list of things he expects us and other neighbours to do and I think his wife used to do everything so he is now wanting others to step in.

I have generally put up with his behaviour and not passed comment when others have complained about him. He hasn't realised how much unrest he is causing. I am currently limiting contact and help in the hope he will start living more independently soon.

Current situation is this - His house has a garage that is semi-detached neighbours house next to him, this neighbour (neighbour 2) is well thought of in the village and has a lot of say in things. My neighbour puts his dryer in the garage and turns it on at night. This causes neighbour 2 to loose sleep with the noise and so he has set about to try to drum up support to remove neighbour 1 i.e. inviting various members of the community to listen to the noise. Neighbour 1 has been asked to move the dryer out of the garage, or away from the wall and to the other side of the garage or only use it in the day.

Neighbour 1 has asked me to put the washing in and on in the day for him as he's out at work but refuses to move the dryer at all. Im not comfortable with this and don't have the time. I also feel that as he won't move it why should I go out my way to help. It is right against the wall and does cause a lot of noise.

Should I go in when the garage door is open and move the dryer away from the wall without him knowing in the hope that this will stop neighbour 2 from making a case for removing neighbour 1 and risk causing more trouble i.e. who moved my dryer trespass etc or sit back and allow a man I don't like to be forced out.

Next summer (if he makes it that far) maybe easier for neighbour 1 as he's very outdoorsy and may make friends through that.

Sorry that was longer than I thought it would be Smile

OP posts:
OldMumsy · 08/01/2012 13:11

Seriously stop being abloody boormat woman, and strap a pair on. Obviously his wife left him for pretty sound reasons.

OldMumsy · 08/01/2012 13:13

Bloody doormat I mean. Damn these fingers and thumbs.

Honeydragon · 08/01/2012 13:15

hire a serial killer, kill them all and start again. tis the only way.

Callisto · 08/01/2012 13:16

OP - you do realise that this isn't just small village politics, don't you? Because, having lived in small villages all my life, this is not normal. This is seriously weird. Are you in some kind of retirement village for wealthy DM-reading people with too much time on their hands?

ThompsonTwins · 08/01/2012 13:19

Neighbour 2 should be dealing with this as the one directly affected. I think you should keep right out of it. Has N2 not even talked directly to the "offender"? Wealthy or not, it is very bad form to gang up on the new guy (even if he is being a pain) unless the person directly affected has a go on their own behalf first. The new neighbour sounds a pain - the rest of us manage.

MarquiseOfMelburnia · 08/01/2012 13:19

Why are you so invested in worrying yourself silly about others getting along? Yes your new neighbour sounds like a bit of an idiot, but then so does neighbour 2, tbh. Wanting someone "thrown out" of the village for having a noisy dryer? Will he be put in the stocks by the other villagers as well?

Do not get involved, even if you've already contact with neighbour 1. As someone else said, cut all contact. Are you threatened by this man or something?

MrsSchadenfreude · 08/01/2012 13:20

I lived in a village in UK where the neighbours wouldn't speak to us (unless they had to) as we were "tenants." And the landlady's daughter didn't want her child "playing with the tenants' children." Shock

But your set up sounds quite bonkers to be honest. You need to butt out.

OldMumsy · 08/01/2012 13:23

Glad our village is a happy boozy place where all mix OK.

callmemrs · 08/01/2012 13:27

It sounds seriously awful. I mean the whole neighbourhood, never mind this neighbour. Seriously- he might be the sanest one among you all!! Find a hobby. It's not healthy to be this involved in your neighbours lives- and the idea that the 'well thought of neighbour' could drum up support to hound this guy off is repulsive. Do not move his dryer. Do not do his washing , bins etc . put a polite but firm note through his door if he ever blocks your car in again. And tell the other neighbour, the one cm

callmemrs · 08/01/2012 13:28

Complaining about the dryer to mind her own fucking business. Christ I wouldn't have a clue where my neighbours dryer is. This all sounds seriously wrong.

ArtVandelay · 08/01/2012 13:33

How has this man coopted you into being his servant? I really hope that when he moves out you don't get a religious cult or some swingers moving in if you are this easy to influence!

Please stop worrying and just let what will be, be (if that makes sense). You are clearly a very sweet, helpful person but I think you are just adding to the madness of the situation.

pantspantspants · 08/01/2012 13:39

I realise this isn't a typical village but I happen to live here, DP had the house before he met me. I love our house but the village is known for being difficult and Im just trying to keep the peace with everyone and think having to move out because of a dryer is a shame. I don't like the guy too much but he's only recently separated so feel like he needs someone to cut him some slack. I genuinely don't think he realise the issues he's causing. Neighbour 2 has spoken to neighbour 1 about it but says he brushes it off as not a problem.

I have nothing against anyone that rents (I used to) but the significance of it is that the others could remove neighbour 1 because of it. The homeowner/ agency has acted on the others say so before and will do again.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 08/01/2012 13:43

You don't like the neighbour. why are you being his skivvy?

totallyscunnered · 08/01/2012 13:44

Pants - you sound really nice but it's not your problem. Stop being so involved with washing bin man and tell him to get a housekeeper. If man with problem with drier moans to you about it, tell him he's talking to the wrong person it's nowt to do with you.

If you get involved with doing stuff for washing bin man then man with problem will see it as your problem and something for you to sort out when in actual fact it has fuck all squared to do with you.

Callisto · 08/01/2012 13:46

'fuck all squared' - ooh I like. Must try and drop that one into conversation at some point today (though possibly not at lunch with PIL later...).

Littlefish · 08/01/2012 13:47

Tell him to plug the dryer into a timer so it will turn itself off during the day.

Other than that, stay well out of it.

totallyscunnered · 08/01/2012 13:47

Grin glad to have been of service Grin

Littlefish · 08/01/2012 13:47

I meant, turn itself on during the day.

ArtVandelay · 08/01/2012 13:48

pants I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but have you got something to do during the day to take your mind off things? Its not up to you "to keep the peace" as you put it. Honestly, my neighbours are top but if they all decided to have a fist fight in the garden I'd just let them get on with it (they are all between 70 and 90 so its unlikely :) )

Why do you think this is your responsibility, out of interest?

callmemrs · 08/01/2012 13:48

Dyou know what? I'm actually feeling angry rather than just bemused now.
Op- you seem to be acting in good faith, and wanting to try to smooth things over. However, in a way you are almost colluding with this whole misguided sense of power that some of the homeowners have. It sounds positively feudal- a few 'well thought of' villagers think they can control who lives there. You clearly feel a strong sense of having to almost 'buy' acceptance - even before this man, you talk of feeling you had to go above and beyond to welcome people in, buy gifts etc. it's just hideous. If you are a really brave person, you would tell the homeowner that she doesn't own the village, and that her behaviour, trying to see off tenants who she doesn't happen to like; is bullying. She is a bully plain and simple. I appreciate it's not easy, and it's not your responsibility. In your situation I would just keep totally out. But please, do not collude with this neighbour. If you did move the dryer you would in effect be letting her think she has the power to control the situation

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2012 13:50

What makes you think he's going to be moving out because of a dryer?

There are laws to protect people from being harassed.

pantspantspants · 08/01/2012 13:59

It took me a long while to be accepted into the village, nothing nasty but I know what its like to be the one everyone's talking about but no one will talk to you,I know very playground. So I do feel like if there's anything I can do to make it easier to anyone else.

I have 3 preschoolers at home so tend to see most people, most of the time so become involved more than I want.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/01/2012 14:04

Maybe he doesn't feel the need to be accepted in the village?

At the end of the day, he might be quite happy with himself and who he is, without worrying about petty people who have nothing else to do but judge him on his rent book and tumble dryer.

Come to think of it, if being 'accepted' means pretending to share these people's mentality, I'd rather live without acceptance.

pantspantspants · 08/01/2012 14:04

The house is on a 6 month contract that's renewed every 6 months. So I think they can just not renew the contract after every 6 months. Im not sure how but I know others have been made to leave because of a few issues.

OP posts:
totallyscunnered · 08/01/2012 14:05

Maybe he just wants to live his life?

But you are enabling his nonsense by putting his bins out and stuff.

Seriously, step back and let them sort it out.