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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its ok for my son 19 to take his x box to uni with him?

70 replies

sarah7492 · 06/01/2012 21:51

I think he is an adult and has to make his own choices. Yes, he can spend hours on bloody COD and he should have spent more time studying for A levels and less time playing the game...but he swears he can find the balance now with uni work.
DH disagrees and has told DS he cannot take the x box with him when he returns to halls this weekend.
DS has exams coming up and is not finding his maths degree easy by a long shot...a LOT of work is needed.
Help...(please be gentle...feel like shit tonight)

OP posts:
Portofino · 06/01/2012 21:54

Um - yes he IS an adult and if it belongs to him then he should do as he sees fit. It's up to him whether he wants to work hard for his degree or not - though I feel your pain! Are you helping financially?

Backtobedlam · 06/01/2012 21:58

He should be allowed-Xbox is part and parcel of uni life! He also needs to learn how to manage his own time, and learn from consequences of a late night on the Xbox, otherwise he'll really struggle as an adult in the working world.

thepeoplesprincess · 06/01/2012 21:59

I'll be gentle on you..... but your DH really needs to get a fricking grip. Your son is old enough to get married, have kids, drive, yadda yadda, so I'm quite sure he's old enough to have unsupervised X-box access.

Has your dh put NetNanny on his laptop too?

Original poster
sarah7492 · 06/01/2012 21:59

Yes portofino, we are paying for all his living costs and half of his rent for halls. the rest of his rent is covered by student loans as well as the fees.

Dh is a bit of a control freak...so I need perspective. Iam too soft though...LOts of issues with my family.(mum sister)..so i can not stant DS being upset or any atmosphere. I tend to give in to avoid, although he is a really good boy except for the constant x box playing.

He goes back to halls tomorrow and Iam dreading it...i just want to pack him off with the bloody x box so he will be happy.

OP posts:
Annpan88 · 06/01/2012 21:59

I graduated a couple years ago and couldn't imagine mine or any of my friends parents doing something like that.

He won't do more work without his x box. If he doesn't want to work he'll do something else.

troisgarcons · 06/01/2012 21:59

At 19 he is an adult and needs to make his own mistakes in life. Your DH cannot continue to manage children.

Backtobedlam · 06/01/2012 22:03

Just to add, if he doesn't have his own Xbox he'll just go and play in friends rooms...probably with a few beers, take out, and a later night.

melliebobs · 06/01/2012 22:03

Omg he's an adult I'm sure he can TRY and create some kind o balance and learn from the consequences. Tbh if my mum had said that I couldn't take x,y,z to Uni idve gone to Halls and bought myself said banned item for whilst I was there

ilovesooty · 06/01/2012 22:05

I agree. Your son's an adult and his father should treat him like one.

Original poster
sarah7492 · 06/01/2012 22:06

I agree with you all. Bloody dh..Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
sarah7492 · 06/01/2012 22:07

needed to ask..as just feel I can't trust my own judgement any more.

OP posts:
Sevenfold · 06/01/2012 22:07

yanbu
my ds is 19 and his xbox is his chill pill, it is a way of relaxing. so of course he should take it, he isn't a child.

NewYearEverything · 06/01/2012 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EllenandBump · 06/01/2012 22:09

At least if he is playing x box he isnt going out getting drunk or doing drugs! like some uni students do. Look at the up side. He cant study ALL the time, so what is he then supposed to do the rest of the time? fit in and go get drunk so he is too hungover to concentrate in his exam? x

MarksPA · 06/01/2012 22:09

YANBU. I agree - an adult now and can make his own choices and then live with consequences. He'll find something else if xbox not available and doesn't want to study - primarily Students Union Bar!

Ran this past DH who had view I hadn't considered - your DH actually wants some xbox play from himself one DS goes back to uni....:)

Feminine · 06/01/2012 22:10

19 ?

I'm sorry your DH needs to let go I'm afraid.

I'm sorry you are stuck in the middle, must be exhausting.

girlynut · 06/01/2012 22:10

Keeping the xbox at home won't make any difference if he doesn't want to study. He'll just find something else to distract him.

As long as you've clearly explained how disappointed you'll be if he doesn't put the effort into his studies, you should let him have the freedom to make his own choices and mistakes.

MarksPA · 06/01/2012 22:10

once not one

exoticfruits · 06/01/2012 22:11

Your judgement is right on that, if it belongs to him then it is his decision.
If he can't organise his time it is a bit late-you can't do it for him.

FabbyChic · 06/01/2012 22:12

My son went to Uni in October, he took his, he just bought it home for Christmas and goes back tomorrow and is taking it with him, he don't play online at Uni though albeit he could, he plays solo games.

Why shouldt he take it the contents of their rooms are insured.

FabbyChic · 06/01/2012 22:13

They don't spend all day at uni there are more than enough hours for studying, they also need me time to go out with friends and relax.

Your partner is an arsehole and frankly your son is an adult.

Portofino · 06/01/2012 22:17

There were no xboxes nor internet in my day! I still managed to not do any work. A lot of the reason for this was that I was babied through the rest of my life and never learnt about consequences. There came a period aged 19/20 when this really dawned - and a miserable time was had.

chipmunksex · 06/01/2012 22:19

Course he should take it.
If dh is worried about your ds's commitment to his studies; he could consider talking to ds about paying his own way if he doesn't achieve a certain mark or something.

FabbyChic · 06/01/2012 22:22

Id never have told my son not to take it, he studied hard enough to get to Uni that showed commitment that he could do it, no child would put themselves through Uni if they were not willing to commit and work at it.

My son only uses his Xbox once he has revised/studied, kids do need an outlet just like adults do with their drinking wine of a night, a few beers or a smoke.

What would your husband rather he do go out fucking every night, and drinking? Cos believe me my first son who got a First in Maths, done nothing in the first year he went out almost every single night.

TheAvocadoOfWisdom · 06/01/2012 22:23

I understand why your DH is worried, and I don't think his intentions are unreasonable. It would probably be best for your DS if he didn't take the xbox back to uni. Maths requires some concentration and attention and it doesn't look good if he's struggling.

But he's an adult. He has every right to mess up his own life. So YANBU, but your DH INBU either. Your DS IBU as he needs to get a grip on his priorities at university. Bit of a waste of several grand a year if he's going to spend his time playing xbox.