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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think its ok for my son 19 to take his x box to uni with him?

70 replies

sarah7492 · 06/01/2012 21:51

I think he is an adult and has to make his own choices. Yes, he can spend hours on bloody COD and he should have spent more time studying for A levels and less time playing the game...but he swears he can find the balance now with uni work.
DH disagrees and has told DS he cannot take the x box with him when he returns to halls this weekend.
DS has exams coming up and is not finding his maths degree easy by a long shot...a LOT of work is needed.
Help...(please be gentle...feel like shit tonight)

OP posts:

yellowraincoat · 07/01/2012 05:33

He's an adult. But then again, if he's taking your money, he shouldn't be pissing his time away on the x box. And I do find that people get really addicted to them and think "one more game and then I'll go and study" and just never do it.

I do think it's fair that you have some input if you're paying his way.

TroublesomeEx · 07/01/2012 07:20

My heart's with your DH.

But my head is with you.

It's the ability of Xboxes and the like to literally eat time that would bother me. I think it takes more discipline to resist the call of the Xbox/computer/etc than it is to resist the call of the TV or the pub.

But he does need to learn now and a missed deadline or failed assignment now won't kill him, but it could be very damaging in his second or final year.

He really does need to learn it now.

I too was one who had every element of my life controlled until I went to University - until then I had no say in anything, just did as I was told. They thought if they removed all distractions from me then I'd never have any interest in them. I didn't last the first year.

I went back as a mature student and got a first, but that first time round, my overprotective and overbearing parents ruined it for me. Take heed!!

exoticfruits · 07/01/2012 07:39

Very true and very common FolkGirl. Those who can't cope at university are those who have been closely controlled by parents.
If they are only there because parents have closely monitored deadlines and workloads and have supervised revision you need to question whether they should be there in the first place.
At 19yrs I can't see why parents are even getting involved in the packing.
I also think it weird that people think it is a straightforward choice of work or xbox-if he doesn't want to work there will be 101 other distractions.

exoticfruits · 07/01/2012 07:42

One of the biggest handicap to students are overprotective, helicopter parents. They need to hand over control, and self discipline, early on. The student needs to want to succeed for their own sake otherwise don't waste the money sending them.

FellatioNelson · 07/01/2012 07:43

Look on the bright side - every hour spent on the X Box is an hour he is not watching internet porn.

skybluepearl · 07/01/2012 07:43

What about saying you will buy him a new game as a reward if he getse his head down this term

CailinDana · 07/01/2012 07:47

It was a PS2 in my time I played hours upon hours of it. I was a PS2 ninja I also got a first class degree :)

exoticfruits · 07/01/2012 07:51

He is 19yrs skybluepearl-not 9yrs!
If he can only manage to work at university because his parents bribe him I would suggest he is in the wrong place!

exoticfruits · 07/01/2012 07:52

I wouldn't even bribe for A'levels-how about the novel idea that you want to work and do well for your own future? (Otherwise get a job and go later as a mature student).

StealthPolarBear · 07/01/2012 07:55

There's no "allowed" about it really - he's an adult and the console is (presumably) his.
However I can see your DH's frustration. I pretty much failed in my Maths degree, because I was not used to having to actually discipline myself and be responsible for my own future. I sailed through GCSEs and A levels and I could have done better than I did in my degree. But I chose not to. I could see the frustration my parents had, and how they wanted to step in and insist I studied regularly. But they couldn't, they wished they could. And looking back, so do I!
Like Porto, I had a moment of clarity, but mine was later. Now I am disciplined (well, as much as the next person), hard working, take any chance I can to study at post grad level, but none of it makes up for screwing up that chance I got.
And as someone else said, these games are highly addictive. I would imagine it's easy to play for hours when you should be sleeping or in lectures.

21YrOldMan · 07/01/2012 09:32

Send him with his xbox. If he gets a good grade, great. If he doesn't and drops out, also great as you don't have to pay his way any more. Win win :)

Seriously, he's an adult. Get out of his life and let him figure it out himself. Because he won't understand until he has figured it out himself. And the longer you force him to do something, the longer it'll take for him to figure it out. And it's a hell of a lot better to figure it out first year of uni (ok, it counts, but it's probably not more than 10%) than it is first year of real world work.

mrsmplus3 · 07/01/2012 09:37

that is very good advice 21yroldman. im going to remember that for my own son.

FellatioNelson · 07/01/2012 09:47

What an excellent piece of advice 21. I am having a few issues surrounding the education and future of my 16 year old at the moment, and I am having to take a bit of a leap of faith over a few things that I not entirely comfortable with, but (without boring you with too much detail), I have no choice.

If you really are 21, then you are less than half my age, but you are very wise, and you have just made me feel a great deal better about something I have to face up to.

StealthPolarBear · 07/01/2012 09:49

YES 21
In fact if my parents had started to do that around A level time, I either would have worked at university or not gone at all. Probably going a few years later with an understanding of the value of it.

mrsmplus3 · 07/01/2012 09:50

fellatio is your 16yr old a boy or girl? my just turned 15yr old is a boy, he will be 16 later this year. i know this is nothing to do with this thread (i might start one on what im about to ask you but...) what did you do for their 16th birthday? im trying to think what would be fun and appropriate?

Gonzo33 · 07/01/2012 09:52

I'd make him take it. Otherwise my hubby would be on it

FellatioNelson · 07/01/2012 09:54

Boy. Um...he wanted a BIIIG 16th party (don't they all now? ) but based on previous bad experiences with some of his so-called friends who do not know how to behave in other people's homes we said NO. What we compormised on eventually was a small gathering in the garden, with tents, a camp fire etc, of about 12 kids, boys and girls (some camped the night) it was low key and lovely, and none of the Devil Children were allowed to come.

mrsmplus3 · 07/01/2012 10:00

wow thats good fun. his birthday is in dec. i asked him if hed want a party in a hall i could hire out with dj and buffet (dont really know why i asked him this cause hes not into djs, hes more of a guitar guy) but anyway he kind of laughed at me and said no way mum! cinema and pizza weve done. some of his friends are little buggers too so dont know if id have them all in th house. hes quite family orientated so i thought maybe a family gathering/party in the house and then i could give him money to go out with his friends into town one sat afternoon andthey could all go for a pizza express or something on us?

very very sorry for posting this on your thread OP. i wont discuss it again on here.

Original poster

sarah7492 · 07/01/2012 21:10

Thanks everyone . Well Ds left for uni a few hours ago...WITH his xbox safely tucked in his suitcase.

Dh folded, quite easily in the end. I understand his frustration, but we have to let DS get on with it himself and trust and hope that he doesn't spend 10 hrs a day playing COD!

missing him already though....off for a glass o wine.

OP posts:

EllenandBump · 07/01/2012 21:16

Better than out doing things he shouldnt be!! He can also use it to play educational dvd's, which help with revision (dont know if they do them for uni stuff but do for gcse but back in my day it was tapes) aged 23. x

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