AIBU to ask what ever happened to the hardcore mums

[CreamolaFoamless]

I'm not trying to offend anyone but what happened to the hardcore mums , big sisters, big brothers

And by harcore I don't mean chavvy , just people in the family who when there 'child' is getting bullied , or picked on, wade in all guns blazing and say

'see if you ever dare do that again you'll have me to answer to'

It doesn't seem to happen these days ,,,everyone seems to have a softly softly approach to sorting out problems

It might be the right approach , I don't know, it perhaps is effective in a nice flimsy way

But in my day, yes I am old, Im nearly 43 .....if someone was getting picked on or bullied the whole family would stand up for there's and make sure the bully never came tried it again .

Throughout my childhood I cant recall a single person getting bullied . I do think this because big brothers, big sisters ,mums and dads, weren't scared of political correctness

A children we cowered if another persons mum came down to the park and shouted at us

I think there are still those parents about.

I can recall bullying in my childhood but I don't think it was labelled as such and you were, to a certain extent, expected to deal with it. I think more minor stuff does get labelled as bullying now so it seems more prevalent.

thats a good point 'bullying' seems to mean alot of things these days

My sister is a hardcore mum, woe betide anyone who gets caught being a bully by her.
She was horribly bullied in her teens to the point where she had to leave school early and she will not stand by and watch someone else suffer.
A few years back she came across a young teen crying her eyes out in a shop because a gang of girls were waiting outside to "get her". She marched the girl out of the shop gave the gang a peice of her mind and took the girl home. I could never have done that, too scared.

There was loads of bullying when I grew up

Perhaps it was where you lived

& no anti bullying policies but childline has just been set up

It was like Grange Hill - if someone was 'tubby' they were bullied

no Gumby not Roland !!

I did once have a dream about Todd Cartney as Tucker ...least said soonest mended as they say !

I'm in my fourties and there was lots of bullying about. There was also alot of attacks on disabled and ethnic minorities, which was ok, back then and not challenged. Kids didn't have to pick on 'mainstream' kids, you could call other kids 'Pakis' and 'wogs' and not be challenged. If there wasn't a big enough ethnic population and you complained, you were accussed of getting upset over nothing.

The hardcore mums were i grew up were part of big families and it was the children in there families that were the bullies.

I don't know if you are looking back with rose tinted specticles on, or if where you lived was very different, to were i grew up.

The amount of DV and child abuse that was about, but ignored and i suppose my answer shows that, no, there wasn't many PC people in exsistance.

well i don't agree but hey ho

my hardcore mums were push overable they just had spunk

maybe they disappeared when children started being told they were equal.

I think Hardcore Mum is still around inside of us...mine came out when two older brats children were swearing and throwing rocks at each other at the park. One of the rocks hit DS in the face; he was only two.

I don't remember exactly what I said, but I said it quite firmly and they scurried off with their tails between their legs. :)

so Posieparker now all children have been told they were equal , would you seriously not growl at a kid who kicked your DC or their mum?

When my dcs were young (now adults) I suppose I was one. Not to the child bullying my child....but I have been known to "have a word" with the parent of the bully iyswim

Hardcore mums still around, as any headteacher could tell you... But they are usually the parents of the bully-which is exactly what I remember from 40 years ago too. I think if anything there was more bullying when I was a child, and less of an attitude that you could do something about it.

"I think maybe some of them realised that threatening a child as an adult wasn't quite right..."

Now, I do understand that threatening a child with violence isn't on but I do think that children now think they are untouchable to a certain extent.

We're still around. Woe betide anyone who threatened, hurt or bullied my DD's in any way. I spent a good portion of my life living in fear from bullies all because I was a bit fat and had glasses, then because I had an older boyfriend at 15 I was a whore and so on. Up until I was 19 and had my first DC I was living in fear if someone.

Fuck that.

I won't be taking a back seat like my parents did because they didn't want society to disapprove of them.

Ooh, I was a hardcore mum the other day!
A group of yoofs (one of which was, honest to god, wearing two hats) were loitering about at the front of the library. They were being rowdy and the language was shocking, even to me who loves a good swear.
I had DS with me and gave them a right ticking off. They all looked very sheepish and skulked off.
It was only afterwards I thought I so shouldn't have done that. But it worked out well...

Italics fail.

Good for you Pirate. :)

A friend of mine and I have decided that when we are too old to care we will ride around in gold carts and threaten menacing teenage boys with tasers. :o And also carry pea shooters and let them have it in the boxers if we see them sticking up above their waistbands.

GOLF carts.

i am hardcore, but the school is very keen on softly softly, in other words, rather than speaking to hte alleged bully, they will tend to deal with it "at corcle time" or at "whole class time" and say "we must all be nice to eahc other". On of my DCs has a disability whihc is from time to time mocked and I will always tell teacher first, if that is not resoplved to my satisfaction, i have no hesitation in approaching the parents, but in a polite way. my brohter was very badly bullied and my mother did nothing and I htink this sort of thing has to be monitored closly and even quite minor acts of "teasing" etc, whihc are on the edge of bullying dealt with, so that no child becomes a victim type, early i n their school career.
guns blazing mums? i remember them in the playground and they were scary, indeed all other people's mums were, i do not think nowadays one could get away with bollocking another child in the payground and indeed I owuld be pissed off if a hardcore mum shouted at my kid, they should take it up with teacher if at school or the parent if i park etc

I like that idea. A pimped golf cart, would have to be a spud gun for me though.

I am a similar age to you and there was deffinitely bullying. I was bullied until I thought "enough is enough" and battered the much older girl who was bullying me. I think the difference was everyone's attitudes - the school thought my response was largely acceptable as did everyone else. Had my mother come along and shouted at the girl, everyone would have thought that was fine too.

My son has also been bullied and it is quite clear that the school do not think retaliation is acceptible (although we have made it clear that we will support our son if he defends himself). In addition, I am aware of parents who have shouted at child who had bullied their child over many years and the child's parents rang the police. It is clearly no longer acceptible in our society to discipline other people's children - it has become the responsibility of the parents alone.

I think there are many "tiger" mothers out there, but they now curb their responses as they know that it is no longer the way of the world and a defensive response from them would in many cases be met with agression.

We had one on our street. Kid was a right milk sop, fine for him to hit you, nick your stuff or call names, do it to him and his mum would be there in seconds having a go at us or discussing our behaviour with our mums. Remember one day he had hit me on the shin with a cricket bat on purpose, I grabbed the bat to stop him, he fell over, ran off to tell his mum who tried to have a pop at me, unfortunately my mum had seen the whole thing out of the kitchen window and told her that her son (who was 2 yrs older than me and 6ins taller) needed to grow a pair and if she ever saw him hit me with a cricket bat again hed better be a lot quicker getting home or he would have the sharp edge of her tongue to deal with. We all used to laugh at this kid behind his back as his dad was a rugby player and had a reputation for being hard as nails, we used to say his dad would be mortified if he knew what a wuss his son was.
Anyhow, because of this I have an utter contempt
of so called hardcore mums, and a dread of ever being seen as one, I always watch, wait, consider all angles and my own kids behaviour before making comment if I bother at all. Generally I find my kids more than capable of sticking up for themselves and I think that behaving like this Can turn kids into gobby little shits who nobody likes, they say stuff to people they normally wouldnt dare say because they know they have back up and it does them no favours.

Sarah you can come too! Start practicing some key phrases such as "Don't take that tone with me, young man."