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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that DH could go to work without waking me at 5AM?

55 replies

BigginsforPope · 06/01/2012 06:43

So again, he starts work at 6am and leaves around 5:20 to get there on time and for some reason he needs lights on, cups of tea and always to talk to me.

I don't want to be awake at 5am. I need to sleeeepp. I have had a poorly dd (3) this week who has been awake every night more than once and I am tired.

But it's okay to wake me because why should I get to lie around in bed all day?

hahahahah with 3 dc hahahah.

So AIBU to think he could go to work without waking me?

OP posts:
Ishtar2410 · 06/01/2012 06:48

No YANBU. Mine does this. We all had to get up at 5.30 this morning so that he can leave the house at 7.30 - yes, that's right, 7.30.

He does faff about a lot bit before he finally gets in the shower. In order to faff he has to have every light on, radio, a chat, etc, etc.

IDontThinkSoDoYOU · 06/01/2012 06:50

My dh leaves at that time when he's on an early shift. He leaves his clothes out ready the night before, also shaves the night before, puts his toothbrush and toothpaste downstairs and NEVER wakes me.

I think yours is being a bit mean.

Saying that, I am just about to get ready, dh is on a late shift so still leaving, I haven't done any of the above.

I do try to be quiet though.

IDontThinkSoDoYOU · 06/01/2012 06:51

Leaving? I meant sleeping.

fuzzpig · 06/01/2012 06:51

YANBU! When my DH was working early he would always try to slip out quietly to avoid waking me or the DCs. Sometimes I would wake up anyway but it was never deliberate on his part.

Instead of saying bye in person he would often leave a little note :) or txt/call me later when he knew I'd be up.

joanofarchitrave · 06/01/2012 06:52

YANBU.

callmemrs · 06/01/2012 06:57

I think it's entirely reasonable for him to put a light on to be able to get up, and why the hell shouldn't he have a cup of tea?! Just ask him to be as quiet as possible and not to talk to you or make you a cuppa. But i would be seriously peed off if I was going out to work all day and was expected to get up in total darkness and not even have a hot drink

RudolphTheYellowNosedDinosaur · 06/01/2012 07:00

What a selfish wanker! Your dh not you that is in case I wasn't clear.

If my dh did this there would be murder. There is absolutely NO reason at all for this. My dh works away several times a month and is up at a similar time when he does. He gets his stuff ready the night before and puts it in the bathroom so that he can just get up and sneak out. Sometimes I am woken by his alarm but I'll always mange to go back to sleep.

And especially as your dd has been ill this week Shock. I'm actually pretty Angry on your behalf. Is it just this? Or is he selfish in other areas and expects his needs to top trump everyone elses?

RudolphTheYellowNosedDinosaur · 06/01/2012 07:01

Oh and to clarify, or COURSE he can have a cup of tea and breakfast etc. But unless you live in the kitchen there is NO NEED why you have to be disturbed by this is there? He should get out of your bedroom and away from dc bedrooms as soon as possible to avoid disturbing you

RudolphTheYellowNosedDinosaur · 06/01/2012 07:03

and callmemrs (cross posted) - if he gets his stuff ready the night before there is no need to put the light on in the bedroom - he can get out and then put the light on in the bathroom to be able to get ready.

His approach just shows a total lack of appreciation for the OP especially as their dd is ill and awake at night this week!

Original poster
BigginsforPope · 06/01/2012 07:05

The light - we have a little light in the bedroom and a big light. Guess which one he uses? Yes the big one.

I would not be mean enough to deny anyone a brew before work but the irritation comes from the expectation that I should be awake because he is getting up.

And often his shirt and trousers are hung ready (ie not hidden in the creaky dark wardrobe) by me either on the bedroom door or hint hint downstairs.

OP posts:
RudolphTheYellowNosedDinosaur · 06/01/2012 07:07

The key question though - have you actually called him on this? Because if you are just silently seething (which I actually suspect after reading your latest post where you actions sound more hinting that being upfront) then you can't expect him to be a mind reader. Especially if you have put up with this for months / years..

Even if this is the case i would expect him to be a bit more sensitive when dc are ill though...

callmemrs · 06/01/2012 07:09

Tell him to use the small light then. That wasn't clear from your op. it would be unreasonable to expect him to get up in darkness though.

Original poster
BigginsforPope · 06/01/2012 07:09

Thank you Rudolph for your support.

I think sometimes that because I am currently a SAHM then I am available for everything even early morning cups of tea and chat.

There has been the suggestion by my dh that everything I need to do could/should be done during the day when he is at work. This includes housework and any "me" time I want either to exercise or relax too. So then I can go to bed when he does and it will be easier for me to get up at 5 too!

OP posts:
KatAndKit · 06/01/2012 07:10

I don't think you are being all that unreasonable.

Mine gets up at half four. He is very considerate. He keeps his work clothes in the spare room wardrobe. Unfortunately he has a fucking annoying alarm clock that pisses me off no end, but I guess you need a fairly loud alarm to get up that early. But he gets dressed and ready in the other room so no lights on to disturb me. And he has coffee downstairs obviously so that doesn't bother me either. Only makes minimal noise such as showering etc.

gladbag · 06/01/2012 07:10

YANBU
My DH works occasional weeks where he has to be up at 5.00am. He gets his clothes ready, puts them out on the banisters, gets up quickly & as quietly as poss. He showers and does normal stuff, but without waking me. He certainly doesn't talk to me. And on mornings where he's been working late and I'm up at 6.30, I do the same. It's just being considerate [and he knows it's not worth the wrath of a tired woman, deprived of some valuable and much needed sleep!]

Original poster
BigginsforPope · 06/01/2012 07:12

Well we had a short, whispered, discussion this morning actually but by then I was too awake to get back to sleep.

OP posts:
Emmac50 · 06/01/2012 07:19

My hubbie wakes later than me. I get my stuff ready night before and do what I have to do without trying to stir him. I wish he was a little bit more forgiving when he is snoring in my ear but hey ho lol. I have a torch app on my phone and if I need to go in room I'll use that. I do give him a kiss goodbye though

MrsSleepy · 06/01/2012 07:24

Bugger that

My DH gets up at 5am too, He puts his clothes and everything he needs downstairs, Then slips out as soon as his alarm goes off and I very rarely hear him.

I also am a SAHM, I sometimes get up with him if I'm awake but he always tells me to go back to bed.

Chandon · 06/01/2012 07:26

Hy H gets up at 5 and is very considerate. no need to wake your partne rup to make a point?!

talkingnonsense · 06/01/2012 07:28

Well, the only trouble we had was that when dh got up at 5 and ingot up at 7, our bedtimes were out of sync too and we like to go to bed together. Could you discuss it calmly and compromise- eg he won't wake you if you've been up in the night? Though it does sound you like have other things to discuss too.

imogengladheart · 06/01/2012 07:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ephiny · 06/01/2012 07:33

Does he expect you to get up and make the tea for him? Shock

I think YANBU overall. He might not be able to avoid disturbing you slightly, but he should put the smaller light on, and only for as long as he needs it, make a bit of effort to be reasonably quiet, no unnecessary chat etc. He sounds quite thoughtless.

Have you told him this is annoying you?

callmemrs · 06/01/2012 07:35

I would imagine most people getting up at 4 or 5 am need an alarm anyway so it's unrealistic to expect never to be disturbed. Even if he's as quiet as a mouse getting ready, you'll probably have been woken by the alarm. It's just one of those things isnt it, if one partner gets up later than the other . Fwiw at various times I've sometimes been the one up earlier and sometimes it's dh, depending on jobs/ commutes but weve pretty much always accepted that once one persons alarm goes off then the day has begun.

Original poster
BigginsforPope · 06/01/2012 07:40

imogen I understand having time to yourself in the evening. It can be the only peace I get all day. But some nights I go to bed with dh early and some I don't.

We will have to have a proper chat though, at the moment dh is not enjoying his job which makes it hard for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
BigginsforPope · 06/01/2012 07:44

ephiny there were hints for tea to be made and some mornings if I am awake then it is no problem. But today I wanted to sleep so much.

I understand what you are saying callmemrs we share an alarm and it is on my side. When it goes off I put the lamp on and nudge dh to wake. After having 3 dc though I am an expert on getting back to sleep - if I get the chance.

OP posts:
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