To think that DH could go to work without waking me at 5AM?

[BigginsforPope]

So again, he starts work at 6am and leaves around 5:20 to get there on time and for some reason he needs lights on, cups of tea and always to talk to me.

I don't want to be awake at 5am. I need to sleeeepp. I have had a poorly dd (3) this week who has been awake every night more than once and I am tired.

But it's okay to wake me because why should I get to lie around in bed all day?

hahahahah with 3 dc hahahah.

So AIBU to think he could go to work without waking me?

So, tell me, did you wake him up when your children were babies and still got up for a feed? Did you say 'well, I'm up, you should be up?'

I would expect not.

Say that to him and that you expect and deserve the same consideration.

My DH is very considerate once he is up on the days he does have to get up earlier than me, gets ready in bathroom and dressed downstairs. ITS JUST THE FUCKING THREE TIMES HE HITS SNOOZE WHICH PISS ME OFF. *breathes

OP YANBU.

I woudl kill my H if he did what the OP's does.

Mine lays his clothes out on bannister the night before, and is as quite as a church mouse

Tell him he is being a royal pain!

I, on the other hand can bang and crash about as much as I like when I come to bad at midnight

You def need a proper talk. Not just about the getting up but also his attitude towards you in general.
FWIW sometimes I have to leave at 4.15am and I don't put the light on in the bedroom at all, have a shower the night before, have a cup of coffee in the kitchen but quietly without the benefit of the eradio and certainly do not assume because I am awake DH should be as well. It's rude and selfish and shows a lack of respect IMO.

at cyb turning bad at midnight. Like the gremlins.

My dh seems to have a similar attitude.
He hates getting up for work and seems to want me to suffer too.
He did get a small light for the wardrobe, but I just realised that he has put on the big light this week, obviously gone back to old habits while I was away after Xmas.
He had to put the light on this morning to put his jeans on
But he's in the bad books, he was hungover.

its the attitude that needs discussing, its very inconsiderate, whatever the work circumstances

How very childish of your DH. I would also be furious - that's not just inconsiderate, it's making you suffer too.

I think it is the attitude that upsets me tbh. When I was working I tried to be considerate but then I was getting up at 7 so a more reasonable time.

I do think part of it is his reluctance to go to work but then I can't really do anything to change that and he recognises he needs to work.

Will definitely be having a chat before the next early start.
Thanks for all your messages everyone.

So I bet he doesn't wake up at the weekend at 5.30am, maybe you should chat to him, have a cup of tea and put the light on. Then go out for the day leaving him with 3DC

Think some of our men need to be put in our shoes to truly understand what it is like to look after the DC.

Its amazing what my DH thinks I can do with my "free" 3 mornings a week when youngest at pre-school.

There is no way on earth my DH would do this, and I wouldn't put up with it if he did. In future if I were you I would wake him up every time the DCs get up in the night and see how he likes it.

He sounds pretty controlling to be honest. Does he not have an alarm on his phone?

I used to have to get up at 0330 ( cringes at the memory) for work pre DC.
I always used to get everything out the night before, not snooze alarm so not to wake DH, shower then out the door.
DH didn't have to get up until 7.

YANBU - he needs to let you sleep, especially if your night is already being disturbed.

YANBU
DH has a spare toothbrush and toothpaste, deodorant, etc in a cupboard downstairs for the early starts. Clothes hung up downstairs the night before. I cannot fathom why anyone wouldn't do this.

Not a stealth boast but my dh gets ready so quietly and leaves without a murmur I have to see if his car has gone when i wake up to see if he has gone

Dh does shift work and rarely wakes me and if he does he knows about it! He shaves the night before and leaves he's clothes downstairs. He leaves his coffee cup and cereal bowl out the night before so he isn't banging cupboards etc as that can sound loud at 5am! He doesn't even put the lights on upstairs. He uses his alarm on his phone which is loud enough to wake him but I rarely even hear it.

YANBU and he sounds like he needs a reminder that 5am is VERY early and no need for the whole house to get up unless they have to.

YANBU. Like other posters, I've done the whole getting clothes ready the night before and sneaking out in the early hours without waking my partner. It's pretty selfish not to. I also don't understand why the alarm is only on your side so you are woken by it.

DH gets up at 4.30 and leaves at 5.30 - he has his own alarm (a radio alarm) which plays quiet music, and he turns on the bedroom light to get dressed. I have learned to sleep through it. I don't even stir when his alarm goes off, but wake like a shot when mine does (it's a digital beepy one).

I would be seriously pissed off if he woke me and wanted me to talk to him. The only times he's done that, because he needed to tell me something before he left (one time the cat was enormously sick right outside the bedroom door just as he was leaving), he has brought me a cuppa first.

He'd only do it once if it were my dh! Very selfish.

If we're (cosleep with DS) asleep DH will creep out and shut the door, not to wake us especially as if DS is in bed with us, it means i've had a bad night and given up the sleep fight at 3am!

If DS is awake and gurgling, he will play with him so I dont have to properly be awake yet.

HOWEVER, if DH has overslept he has 3 alarms with snooze and then a massive siren alarm that goes off in the kitchen (bungalow so next room) and you cant help be woken by it!

Ask him to be more considerate maybe? Or switch the light off evrytime he puts it on? He may get the hint then..

i work a 55 hour week...i have no children at home but i work with children. OH sometimes has to get up at 3am to be at work for 4. he ALWAYS has to wake me up to kiss me.....this is every morning as he never leaves for work after 7am (i get up at 7)....when he works early he finishes early (12md) so he gets a rest and some shut eye.....i am still toiling at that time...no little nap for me.

i asked him why he always woke me up with a kiss (actually the kiss is lovely but he has been thumped on a few occasions as i have woken with a start) and he said

"i dont want you to wake up and worry i am not there".....i am 44....i am not a child.

it would be ok but i sometimes find it hard to get back off to sleep. so i am knackered all the time. underactive thyroid doesnt help either!

Have just realised that my name is very apt OP! Would you like to borrow it?

As nearly everyone else has said - this is out of order. He needs an alarm on his side of the bed, with clothes etc downstairs laid out ready to go. Straight out of bed and out of the bedroom so he doesn't wake you. This is what DH does for me, and I do for him.