‘What is bullying? How to avoid your child being a victim??

[lisad123]

I had a letter home from DD1 school about a workshop they are running, and the title is "?What is bullying? How to avoid your child being a victim"

Im sorry since when is it a childs fault that they are a victim!!

AIBU, to think this is not on and they would be better to educate parents about how to stop their children NOT to be a bully, rather than blaming victims

I did not read that really tired was saying it should be down to an individuals inclination tbh

I think she was outlining the importance of tackling it and the obstacles?

Well, opposing or tolerating racism in the classroom certainly should NOT be down to an individual teacher's inclination or otherwise.

She does NOT KNOW that it is a racism problem.

She says: "Now I have no idea why, but I suspect this is a racist thing that I can't fathom."

So, she suspects but she is not sure.

OK . . . suppose she sanctions the whole class as being responsible for racist bullying against this child. That means: labelling every child in the class as racist. ( I am presuming because the child who is the victim is a different race to the rest.) Then it turns out it's nothing to do with race . . . for argument's sake it turns out that "fish" is something the victim once said out of context and the others thought it hilarious, then he got upset so they found it twice as hilarious. So now they torment him with it. So she now has to cope with 29 parents complaining to Ofsted because she has called their child a racist bully. When they were "only" being a bully.

You cannot call "racism" unless you are 100% sure. Tortu is not 100% sure, so she has to do what she can, which is: address the actions which cause the victim distress WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE IS DOING.

But honestly, it's nowhere near enough, is it? Has the headteacher been told? How about a whole school approach?

And if you can't fathom something like that, aren't you obliged to investigate it?

Is it OK to just say: there may be racist bullying going on in my class, but I don't really know?

It is hard for a teacher to tackle bullying or even racism on their own. It requires a WHOLE school behaviour policy with support from senior management and the SENCO.

"For now, I am giving out detentions to anybody who uses the word with the excuse that it annoys me."

I think that is quite a lot of work for Tortu. Every time a teacher issues a detention that teachers loses her lunch break. (ie. 20 minutes to supervise it) Unfortunately the work the teacher is putting in is quite fruitless if a different member of staff doesn't have similar sanctions. A single teacher cannot change the world however hard they work. It requires a team approach.

Whole polcies work because the chidren quickly learn that racism/ bullying is not tolerated in ANY classroom. However the teachers need backing when the bullies/ racists fail to turn up to detentions. They need senior management to be prepared to talk to the children and their parents. Senior management also need to tackle teachers who are too lazy to implement the whole school behaviour policy. Good schools take pastoral care seriously.

Personally I think that any school that does not take bullying or racism seriously needs special measures, however good their exam results or teaching.

The fish thing? I've heard that too, I don't know what it means but when one of my teens gets out of bed I shall ask.

Actually, I've just asked 'Urban Dictionary' -
(a) derogatory term for a homosexual male. So I would assume it's an evolution of the 'gay' moniker.
(b)term for biological women used primarily by gay men, either in a positive or derogatory way.
(c) a mexican?
(d) a poker player who loses.

I will double check with tho' what it is likely to be in common teen-speak.

The child though who never gets bullied is often short in stature compared to peers, quirky, glasses .... ah but he/she is the comedian - popularity often goes with humour. Class Clowns don't get bullied because they create diversions. They have learned that humour is a situation difuser but more importantly, because they don't have the physical ability to compete it is much easier to turn everyone into their friend. That is a life skill.

The ability to make (lots of) friends is a gift that not everyone possesses. In an ideal world we would all be equally gifted but in reality we are not. Some people are unpopular, through no fault of their own.

Conversely, some people actively court unpopularity because negative attention is attention and any attention is good attention. My son had one of those in his primary class. We were discussing him one day and my son came out with quite an observation "Some people have victim stamped on their head - and he's one of them - he revels in it and enjoys being one of lifes victims". I've had the opportunity to watch that boy where I work and my son was spot on with his assessment when they were both 10.

I've also seen girls who could allow them selves to be bullied (pretty, slim , clever) if they had different character traits. One example, an uber-bitch thought she would have a go at Miss-Pretty-Perfect - who flashed a smile and bounced the insult back as a compliment - again it's very difficult to keep being nasty if someone is saccarine to your face and infront of your peers.

So there are tactics in not facilitating bullies - that you will meet in every walk of life - and most bullying will be verbal not physical. Bullying by its nature is designed to undermine confidence and gind someone down. So with the best will in the world, no amount of self defence classes will stop someone telling you are fat/spotty/smelly/spekky-4-eyes etc etc

I agree with you, reallytired. Any school which does not deal with bullying or racism should go straight into special measures and should have a change of head teacher.

I didn't read the title of the workshop as saying that it is the fault of bullied people that they are bullied. I read it as make sure your child doesn't become a victim of bullying.

I agree with lots of the other posters. DS2 was being excluded from playing for a few weeks at primary school. He eventually told me. It transpired that he was trying to control everyone else's behaviour and, naturally, the other children didn't like it. I told him how to modify his own behaviour - problem sorted!

I have spoken before about DD being badly bullied. Her Y2, very experienced teacher, told me that she needed to work on not being a victim as well as the teacher addressing the problem. I quite agreed with her. DD does sometimes give off those vibes. She doesn't always help herself. I consulted a few online sites about bullying that also stated that the bullied can do things to address the reasons why they're bullied. I agree with the poster who said about being mugged. I myself was mugged in London about 25 years ago. In hindsight it partly was my own fault. I had both earphones in and didn't have any awareness of what was going on around me. I have never had both earphones in again (and rarely even have one in now). So it was not my fault - I didn't make the people mug me, but I didn't help myself.