to think some people either have no sense or tact or just have a very warped view of the world ?

[dezfree]

Twice today I met people in work - who commented on my betrothal (engagment) ring (and seen my wedding folder on my desk - because yes that is what I do in my lunch - ohh and the aunt has been univited apparently my uncle is fumming - according to my cousins), asking when wedding is etc? (as plently of other people have)

But both these people instead of asking how me and to-be-DH met/how long we have been together (as others do/have)

One asked: Is it an arranged marriage?
The other: It must be hard arranging an arranged marriage, you don't even know the person you are marrying.

Yes to english ears I just have an accent. (I am Egyptian)
Yes I have an Arabic first name and a surname that people assume is completely Arabic.

But really?
Do these people really think that these are acceptable questions to ask someone?

Or is that just people's first thought/assumption when meeting someone they have never met?

Yeah, that fits the definition of snippy.

Giraffe an alternative explanation is that someone else who works there has recently had an arranged marriage.

I'd hate to think someone couldn't point out to another person that something they said was rude without being accused of snippiness.

Giraffe, your christening example doesn't work here. It's not a stereotype of people from certain ethnic groups, is it? Nor does it have a reputation of subjugation and brutality, which by and large is what many people think of, in this country at least.

I think arranged marriages are largely regarded negatively by the Brits who don't have them in their culture. The stories we mostly hear about them are the ones about forcing young girls to marry against their will. Just this week or last week there was such a story on Radio 4. Every now and then you'll hear a positive story to counter the bad ones, but that's not regarded as being quite so newsworthy and so doesn't get as much airplay.

Assuming someone is having an arranged marriage based on their race is massively racist and insulting. Fuck that. You wouldn't ask a white person if they were having an arranged marriage.

But that's because white people don't have a history and culture of arranged marriage.

To say that it is racist to ask because arranged marriage can be viewed negatively is making assumptions about the person asking, they could well have just been curious.

If you don't like the Christening example, how about circumcision? It can be regarded negatively by some, we don't practise it much in Britain. Would it be racist or hugely offensive to ask an American where there is a culture of circumcision or a Jew where it is a religious tradition if they will be having their son circumcised?

Yes noblegiraffe. I have some very old Jewish friends. I assume they have had their sons circumcised but I wouldn't dream of asking them. Because it's none of my business

But not asking because it's none of your business is nothing to do with it being racist or offensive.

I understand people thinking that making an assumption was rude, or that asking was forward, but not this whole racist warped world view take on things.

That example I made is a bad one because they are my friends.

What makes it racist and offensive is making assumptions about someone based on the colour of their skin. Can you not see that? It's also none of your business. Why would you ask a perfect stranger if they were having an arranged marriage?

Who says the assumption was based on the colour of her skin? The OP doesn't.

I already agreed that it was forward to ask.

If ethnicity has nothing to do with anything, why all these ethnic monitoring forms foe everything?