Neighbours accused DP of being homophobic...

[HeyHoLetsGo]

Bit long but will try and condense.

We live in one of a row of terraced houses where the neighbours all get on well and where many of the garden fences have been taken dwon to allow the children who live here more space and to have shared vegetable patch etc.

Our next door neighbours for 5 years have been a gay couple who we have become very good friends with, they are similar ages and outlook/sense of humour/interests to us, we go to the pub together, we have film nights, they babysit our DCs, and so on. Over New Year they had friends to stay, as did we, and there was a bit of a joint party.

Anyway since then we have noticed them being rather off with us, then yesterday afternoon they came round and said they were very offended by something our 7yo DD had said. Apparently on NYE she was talking to them when they told her she had to come home now as their friends were due to arrive, and DD said "Oh yes your 'bian' friends are coming aren't they". They then asked her to repeat what she said, so she did, and when they asked where she heard that she told them she had just heard 'somebody' say it and wouldn't say any more.

They are now accusing DP of calling their friends (and therefore them) 'bians' which they say is a highly offensive shortening of 'lesbians', they say they are furious as their sexuality is not a shameful secret and that it deserves its full name and that they are not just 'lesbians' they are people with names. They think DP has said this because they had a slight disagreement with him earlier on NYE (sorted out and forgotton by the evening) about their friends bringing a dog (which has previously been a right PITA when here) and so they now think he used homophobic language about them in anger.

DP says he didn't say it, and I believe him. He can be quite sweary when annoyed, and does mouth off a bit to me sometimes when people have pissed him off, but he is absolutely NOT homophobic and I have never ever heard him (or anyone else for that matter) use 'bians' as a derogatory term anyway.

I did ask DD about it, but she insisted she had just heard 'someone' say it and wouldn't say anymore, and I don't want to make a massive deal out of it to her. She wouldn't have known it was going to offend them - their sexuality isn't commented on by us at home, though she does know what the word 'lesbian' means as I explained it to her and told her it was not a bad thing by any means after she heard it at school last year.

WWYD? What would you think of the whole thing? DP is livid they would even think it of him to be homophobic, I am bemused by how badly they have taken a child's comment but obviously don't want to ignore their clear hurt and anger over it.

Speaking to DD about it this morning, it seems that she guessed that the visiting friends were also lesbians because they were two women, but couldn't remember the word right. She said it because she thought it was an ok thing to say - when I explained the word to her after she heard it at school, I told her that the boy was very silly and rude to be using it as an insult, that all it meant was a woman who loved other women which there is nothing wrong with, and is no more of an issue than someones hair or skin colour. Which I felt was an ok way to explain it to her (she was 6 at the time).

So she thought it was a perfectly reasonable thing to observe as the word 'lesbian' has no moral judgement/insulting connotations/prejudice to her, but when they questioned her on it she realised they didn't think so and used the 'heard someone else say it' excuse. I have told her now that people prefer not to be labelled as 'lesbians', but that we understand she didn't mean any offence by it.

Now I am wondering whether to bother explaining to the neighbours or not TBH after giving this more thought I am rather fucked off that their response to a clear misinterpretation by a child was to assume that a good friend of theirs is a bigot and start firing accusations around, and it makes me want to keep our distance as I don't fancy being in the firing line in future.

And to the poster who said they must have suspected DP of being a bigot before - well, they have done a bloody good job of pretending they didn't suspect it then.

Honestly OP if they're going to be so sensitive and up their own arses, they can fucking do one.

I would explain what your daughter told you - and if it still isn't good enough then let them stew in their own political correctness being right.

I do not envy you at all. What a horrible situation to be in. And your poor dd.

I think I would really want to talk to them about WHY they think this had come from your dh

I would explain exactly what you just described from you Dd (or show them this thread) then leave it with them after expressing how hurt you all are by their reaction and the assumption of homophobia. No matter what happens now you will never feel the same about them so think on about how to deal with them in future.