Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hire a cleaner? (income comes from benefits)

75 replies

himynameisfred · 04/01/2012 15:03

So I know people could be really against this immediately.

But let me explain, please.

I have 2 sons, aged nearly 5 and 20 months.
My partner is very rarely here, he cares for his mother as she is a widow being treated for cancer (and she'll do anything to have him with her 24/7).
So my partner doesn't work, he lives with her and cares for her.

My son whose nearly 5 is disabled (mentally).
This is starting to sound like a train wreck situation! But my 5 year old is lovely and bright in many ways and is a real joy to have, just takes a lot of extra care during the day and night and the school will only take him 2 days a week etc, so I'm his carer.
My 20 month old has no problems and is fairly easy to looks after, the usual.

Now,
I'm very anemic, and am being hospitalised seemingly every other week lately, to recieve blood, and fluids and nutrients I run out of, all being invesigated by a consultant, so I'm bloody exhausted! lol

I'm not very sociable, I try but it's hard.

It's me and my sons at home most of the time.

And let me be honest the place is just such a mess lately. I do bits at a time,
usually emergency tidying for when someone is visiting.
But I'm light headed and sickly most of the time.
3 days ago was the last time I went to A+E for passing out, for example.

Anyway,
I'm not completely broke, as some people on benefits may be, because my son gets higher rate disability, and I get carer's allowance (which is only about £20 extra than income support, but still)
I DO have £30 a week I could spare for someone to come in and help with the house.

I think this would improve our lives alot as the mess stresses me out, but I'm just so exhausted.

I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not being ridiculous, and who do I think I am getting a cleaner, etc..

Maybe people will be pissed off that I can get one while on benefits.

What do you think?

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 04/01/2012 15:05

YANBU - if it will make your life easier and ease some of the stress you have then go for it....things aren't only black and white and it sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate.

People shouldnt judge you if they are not walking in your shoes!

lesley33 · 04/01/2012 15:05

Get the help you need. Higher rate disability is to pay for the extra costs and support you need because your child is disabled. Getting a cleaner to help you is a perfectly valid and sensible way to use this money.

PrincessScrumpy · 04/01/2012 15:05

If you can budget for one then why not - it may be benefits but it's up to you how you spend it. At least the kids will benefit and you're not buying booze :)

Birdsgottafly · 04/01/2012 15:05

You have every justification for hiring a cleaner. But have you ever asked for, or would want an assessment by Adult Social Care for having a packeged in place for cleaning?

NoMoreWasabi · 04/01/2012 15:06

If you can afford it, do it.

pictish · 04/01/2012 15:06

Fuck what other people think! You alone know your situation, and if you feel a cleaner is warranted then you go ahead and get one.

molschambers · 04/01/2012 15:07

I think it is entirely up to you how you chose to spend your money. If it makes your life easier then why not? The fact that you would be providing work for someone else is a positive.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 04/01/2012 15:08

YANBU. That is what DLA and carer's allowance is FOR, to be used to help make your life better and more manageable. Good luck with it all.

4madboys · 04/01/2012 15:08

what pictish said, you sound like you have every reason to need a cleaner adn quite frankly its nobody elses business how you spend your money, if you can budget and afford a cleaner go for it!

ZillionChocolate · 04/01/2012 15:08

It's your money, you should spend it for the benefit of your family. I pay £27 for 3 hours cleaning and it makes a big difference. Go for it!

FlightRisk · 04/01/2012 15:09

I think it would cost more than £30 a week for a cleaner. I used to do admin for my aunties company and we would charge more than that. It all depends how long you want them to come in but it sounds as though you need about 3 hours a week to help you out.

I can see why you justify your benefits paying for it but don't try and claim extra for it. I don't think asking for extra would be right Smile

Kayano · 04/01/2012 15:09

Go for it. Surely that's
What your carees allowance and sons dla is for? Improving the quality of
Your lives?

mrsjay · 04/01/2012 15:10

geta cleaner it doesnt matter how you pay the cleaner and DLA also entitles you to get extra help and if that extra help is somebody to help clean your home then so be it , if your house is tidier then it lets you have a clear space in your head as well as your house ,

Molehillmountain · 04/01/2012 15:10

Of course yanbu. Where your income comes from is irrelevant btw. No one is unjustified in seeking/taking help. It's weird this way people have of judging from the outside how much people need help and kind of judging them. I had a cleaner when I was a sahm and I know some were sniffy about it. But I was just on the edge of coping with my stress and depression. Sometimes if you're not getting help it can smart a bit when others do-I must admit that I was the same when a friend got a nanny. But that's because I felt sad that I was cross with my children a lot and Envy that she could ease her pressure. Luckily I knew myself well enough that that was what it was about to prevent turning it into a judging situation.

yellowraincoat · 04/01/2012 15:11

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and if a cleaner would help you, I'd go for it. If people are judging you, they are twats.

Cherriesarelovely · 04/01/2012 15:11

Please don't worry about what anyone else might think. I could do with one and have no such excuses! Seriously, it sounds like you could really use a bit of help and you will be giving someone else a job. Good luck, hope things work out for you.

dutchyoriginal · 04/01/2012 15:12

Hire the cleaner, if only temporary. Getting this help will mean you are better able to take care of your children and might help you recover faster (stress never helps), both will probably benefit society in the long run.

Methe · 04/01/2012 15:12

Ahh do it! No-one would moan if you spent it on a pedigree dog, 120 b&q or a holiday would they!

It's your money spend it on what you like!

Methe · 04/01/2012 15:13

B&H!

PosieParker · 04/01/2012 15:14

Your money, your choice. Still would be nice to think ths State could actually look at your situation and provide a home help/cleaner.

overmydeadbody · 04/01/2012 15:16

Of course YANBU.

WilsonFrickett · 04/01/2012 15:18

Absolutely not BU. As others have said, it's what your DLA etc is meant for and it would take a lot of stress away from you. I see my cleaner as a necessity and I'm not ill!

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 04/01/2012 15:18

You're using your benefits to make your difficult life easier whilst providing someone else with income.
YADNBU

starfishmummy · 04/01/2012 15:19

Disability Living Allowance is intended to cover the higher living costs that people who are disabled face. If one of those is buying in a cleaner then so be it.
As others have said you may not get many "cleaner hours" for your £30 a week, so work out what you want them to do that will be most help to you.

MrsMcEnroe · 04/01/2012 15:20

Of COURSE YANBU. You get the DLA & carers' allowance to help you care for your child(ren). If you choose to spend it on someone helping you to clean your home, that's great - I'm glad you can get the help you need.

You sound very brave and I have huge respect for you based on your post, actually!