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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to hire a cleaner? (income comes from benefits)

75 replies

himynameisfred · 04/01/2012 15:03

So I know people could be really against this immediately.

But let me explain, please.

I have 2 sons, aged nearly 5 and 20 months.
My partner is very rarely here, he cares for his mother as she is a widow being treated for cancer (and she'll do anything to have him with her 24/7).
So my partner doesn't work, he lives with her and cares for her.

My son whose nearly 5 is disabled (mentally).
This is starting to sound like a train wreck situation! But my 5 year old is lovely and bright in many ways and is a real joy to have, just takes a lot of extra care during the day and night and the school will only take him 2 days a week etc, so I'm his carer.
My 20 month old has no problems and is fairly easy to looks after, the usual.

Now,
I'm very anemic, and am being hospitalised seemingly every other week lately, to recieve blood, and fluids and nutrients I run out of, all being invesigated by a consultant, so I'm bloody exhausted! lol

I'm not very sociable, I try but it's hard.

It's me and my sons at home most of the time.

And let me be honest the place is just such a mess lately. I do bits at a time,
usually emergency tidying for when someone is visiting.
But I'm light headed and sickly most of the time.
3 days ago was the last time I went to A+E for passing out, for example.

Anyway,
I'm not completely broke, as some people on benefits may be, because my son gets higher rate disability, and I get carer's allowance (which is only about £20 extra than income support, but still)
I DO have £30 a week I could spare for someone to come in and help with the house.

I think this would improve our lives alot as the mess stresses me out, but I'm just so exhausted.

I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not being ridiculous, and who do I think I am getting a cleaner, etc..

Maybe people will be pissed off that I can get one while on benefits.

What do you think?

OP posts:

Chubfuddler · 04/01/2012 15:20

Its your money. You don't have to account for what you do with it.

clippityclop · 04/01/2012 15:24

For goodness sake go for it, you can't help your situation and sounds as though it would benefit you hugely. Make sure you get the right person though! I took on a cleaner when I was ill a few years ago without references and it was a nightmare but later took on someone who already worked for a friend who was really great. Chose well and you could end up with a friend for life. Hope it goes really well for you.

Becaroooo · 04/01/2012 15:25

Surely the benefits are to help you and your family cope??

Get a cleaner!!!!

Listzilla · 04/01/2012 15:30

It's your money, use it as you see fit. It'll benefit all of you, kids included.

Providing your kiddos with a clean home and a slightly less exhausted mother is hardly an irresponsible or frivolous way to spend money.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 04/01/2012 15:34

Of course it's totally reasonable. You need the help. It sounds like you could do with more help from your DP too.

AngryMotherF · 04/01/2012 15:36

Is there anything you could think of that you could spend the £30 on t hat would benefit your ds? I'm thinking a club or educational toys or trips out or anything?

If so, Yabu. It's money that should be spent on him after all.

If not, YANBU.

DharmaCeutical · 04/01/2012 15:39

yes, please do it. I was in a very similar situation to you OP and I gave up all other 'luxuries' to be able to afford a cleaner.

Don't regret it for a second. We lived on fairly basic rations, charity shop / ebay clothes etc etc and it wasn't bad at all. Coming home to a clean house when I was in chronic pain was priceless and quite honestly saved my sanity.

Mi4 · 04/01/2012 15:50

AngrymotherF the DLA is for his care and mobility needs which cleaning def comes under. Not all DLA has to be spent on direct items for the child, it's most often the indirect things such as extra laundry costs, more heating, taxi fares which are more important.

OP YADNBU.

How about advertising on here or netmums etc for someone looking for a little bit of extra work? be careful about the legalities re employing someone and look into them

PeppersandEggs · 04/01/2012 15:50

Yep. Do it.

rhondajean · 04/01/2012 15:53

Just to echo that the DLA is to make your sons life easier so if this is how you choose to spend it, that's fine. You have your hands full fro the sound of it. Ignore anyone who says you are wrong - you most emphatically are not.

Birdsgottafly · 04/01/2012 15:54

Angry- a less stressed mother would benefit the DS.

Pebbleonabeach1 · 04/01/2012 15:56

As a bit of an aside have you been tested for pernicious anaemia. I was speaking someone recently who had what sounds like similar symptoms - she was in and out of hospital for years with anaemia until someone did the test for this condition (apparently not routinely done only last resort for some reason). She now has the treatment and says her life is transformed. Not sure if this helps but I posted on the off chance.

TroublesomeEx · 04/01/2012 15:57

Good grief - get a cleaner! The extra benefits are for you to spend on things to make your life easier! If it benefits your son for you to have a cleaner then you are spending the money to benefit him.

Get one. As for the naysayers. Ignore them.

AngryMotherF · 04/01/2012 15:57

I know that Mi4, and I completely agree with you.

But OP is clearly feeling a bit guilty about spending this money on a cleaner, otherwise she wouldn't have asked on here. By answering my question, even just to herself, then she could stop herself feeling guilty if she knows her son is provided with everything that he would directly benefit from.

It is probably the case that her son would benefit the most from his Mum having a little more energy, so the cleaner is the perfect thing to spend it on. But it could also be that he would benefit from going to beavers or something, which costs way less than £10 a week, and then the rest could be spent on the cleaner. Obviously this depends on the nature of his disability, but my question was mainly to get the OP to see that actually a cleaner is the best use of the money, and not something that is just a luxury.

toddlerama · 04/01/2012 15:59

YANBU. But think carefully about which jobs are the most knackering/hateful to you and save them for the cleaner. If the cleaner just comes to clean generally you wont notice it for £30 per week. My family can trash a house in half an hour when on their best form and I would be hacked off if I then had to wait a week for it to be fixed iyswim.

Serenitysutton · 04/01/2012 16:02

It's your money, spend it how you like.

However, most cleaners will clean- not put stuff away, sort etc. Well, they might but it's at the expense of cleaning. Pay them for 2 hours and they do 2 hours work. You may need to tidy your house before they actually come round, depends what you want them to spend their time doing

Ephiny · 04/01/2012 16:02

It sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Not that you should have to justify yourself to anyone, but if you're ill and exhausted, and have your hands full looking after your DC, it sounds like a very good idea to get some help if you can afford it!

Some people might judge, but it's none of their business, just ignore.

aldiwhore · 04/01/2012 16:05

YANBU. Your money to do what you like with.

However in my opinion I think hiring a cleaner is perfectly valid given that it will improve the quality of all your lives, and you will be a more affective carer to your children and not constantly trying to fight the tide.

Maybe hire a cleaner for a blitz? The house may be more manageable once its all got a place to go and is in it!

pacifist · 04/01/2012 16:07

YADNBU You have a clear need and a way to address it. I agree that cleaning must be the kind of extra cost that DLA is for. How are you feeling though? Your top priority must be to sort out your own health especially as you have so many dependent on you being able to cope. Spend what you need to in the short term to address those problems. Good luck. Anaemia is no fun. Please do keep eating properly

McHappyPants2012 · 04/01/2012 16:13

yanbu. your money do what ever makes your life easier

glenthebattleostrich · 04/01/2012 16:46

Do you not have a homestart near you? It might be worth getting in touch with them to see if they can offer you some help.

www.home-start.org.uk/homepage

Otherwise, you get DLA to make life easier for your son, you not being so ill / exhausted makes life better for your son so go for it.

glenthebattleostrich · 04/01/2012 16:47

Also, keep checking groupon, they often have spring clean offers in my area going cheap, so would be a good option to try a company perhaps.

HeyHoLetsGo · 04/01/2012 16:47

Get a bloody cleaner!

And find out if you are eligible for a HomeStart volunteer as well

HeyHoLetsGo · 04/01/2012 16:47

X posts

agedknees · 04/01/2012 16:51

The money is there to be used to help you out. Getting a cleaner will help you out.

Simples.

YANBU.

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