AIBU to hire a cleaner? (income comes from benefits)

[himynameisfred]

So I know people could be really against this immediately.

But let me explain, please.

I have 2 sons, aged nearly 5 and 20 months.
My partner is very rarely here, he cares for his mother as she is a widow being treated for cancer (and she'll do anything to have him with her 24/7).
So my partner doesn't work, he lives with her and cares for her.

My son whose nearly 5 is disabled (mentally).
This is starting to sound like a train wreck situation! But my 5 year old is lovely and bright in many ways and is a real joy to have, just takes a lot of extra care during the day and night and the school will only take him 2 days a week etc, so I'm his carer.
My 20 month old has no problems and is fairly easy to looks after, the usual.

Now,
I'm very anemic, and am being hospitalised seemingly every other week lately, to recieve blood, and fluids and nutrients I run out of, all being invesigated by a consultant, so I'm bloody exhausted! lol

I'm not very sociable, I try but it's hard.

It's me and my sons at home most of the time.

And let me be honest the place is just such a mess lately. I do bits at a time,
usually emergency tidying for when someone is visiting.
But I'm light headed and sickly most of the time.
3 days ago was the last time I went to A+E for passing out, for example.

Anyway,
I'm not completely broke, as some people on benefits may be, because my son gets higher rate disability, and I get carer's allowance (which is only about £20 extra than income support, but still)
I DO have £30 a week I could spare for someone to come in and help with the house.

I think this would improve our lives alot as the mess stresses me out, but I'm just so exhausted.

I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not being ridiculous, and who do I think I am getting a cleaner, etc..

Maybe people will be pissed off that I can get one while on benefits.

What do you think?

Don't think I've EVER seen an AIBU with every single person saying YANBU! Go get a cleaner!

Your family is under a LOT of pressure right now on all fronts. Your kids wil suffer if you collapse and they have to go into foster care, the cost to the state will be far higher too.

This isn't being lazy - you are ill ffs and a clean home is a basic need, espcially as one of your kids is toddler age still. SEN kids require a lot more work day to day than is the norm. Protect your health at all costs.

This doesn't have to be forever, just until YOU feel better & your partner is not overwhelmed by looking after his sick Mum.

Benefits are supposed to be a saftey net for when life gets tough. A homestart volunteer might be helpful as might a letter to your MP to ask why your son is not getting the 5 days a week worth of education he is legally entitled to. If he's only at school 2 days a week you are effectively being asked to home educate the other 3 and you don't sound well enough - why aren't your LEA stepping up to the plate with a home tutor etc?

Get the cleaner!

YANBU

I also receive HRC DLA and CA due to my son's condition, it is there to be spent on improving the quality of his life, if you need to care for him round the clock and you have a little spare cash then go for it.

A cleaner sounds perfectly sensible in your circumstances OP.

But a bit more central to your well-being - does your partner's mother really need him there 24/7? "Being treated for cancer" covers a lot of ground, and many people can function pretty normally during treatment. You sound in far more need of his presence.

I need to organise a new cleaner-mine's on mat leave.
I also am on benefits for my disability.
They are to make my life easier and so that DD doesn't have to do all the cleaning.
I don't feel guilty about it at all.

Your income is yours to spend as you see fit and I think a cleaner sounds like a great idea.

Another YANBU here. You sound like you really need the help, I would go for it. Part of my DLA is used for a cleaner. It's what it's for - to be able to cope with life and make things more balanced, whether for yourself or your ds - the whole family is affected by his condition so you need to do things to help the whole household cope. Go for it.

YANBU.

I am struggling to see how anyone could possibly think you were BU. You are entitled to your benefits, and it's completely up to you how you use them. A cleaner sounds like a great idea which would benefit your whole family.

another saying get the cleaner

I have a cleaner as I am disabled and get high rate mobility and care. My DP also gets carers allowance as he is my full time carer we are on ESA as I'm to sick to work.

My cleaner has made my life so much easier. (We pay MIL as she has her own cleaning business)

I pressed post too soon. So I would say YADNBU to get a cleaner.

DLA is there to help make your life easier. YANBU if a cleaner helps your standard of living if things are getting too much. Mine pays childcare when I am too ill to care for the children. It's been a godsend knowing the children are well looked after by their wonderful childminder when I've had emergency surgery and bad complications.

Get the cleaner, check out homestart if there is one in your area

I would LOVE to be able to afford a cleaner..... As it is I would have to employ Rentokil for the teenage kids rooms alone. Go for it. Anything that makes life a bit easier has to be a good thing... right?

Anybody who would begrudge you a cleaner under your circumstances is a stupid arse of the highest order and therefore prohibited by law from giving opinions on anything

yanbu if having a cleaner would make your life easier, improve the quality of your children's life and take some pressure from your very overloaded life then get yourself someone. The DLA is to improve your sons quality of life so use it for exactly that.

I really hope things start easing up for you soon and the doctors work out what is wrong with you and find a way to put it right

Did everyone agree on here????

wow..that never happens. Ever.

Just as everyone else says, YANBU.

Why is your DS only at school 2 days a week though? Is he being discriminated against because of his disability?

YANBU - Go for it :)

Not everybody that have NO fucking choice but to claim benefits buy's booze. What a strange thing to say!

Get a cleaner. £30 a week could easily get you a cleaner for 3 hours a week or more.

YA..........NBU at all

God, yes do it - a (relatively) small price to pay to lighten your load.

OP, Have you had a Social Services assessment?

From what you posted, you might be entiltled to claim Direct Payments to help pay for your DS to have some extra support.

Depending on how your Social Services department (or even your individual social worker!) reads the guidance, you could maybe use DIrect Payment money to pay a cleaner so that you had more energy and time to devote to looking after DS.

You need to phone your local SS and ask for the disabled children's department. Ask them to come out to you and do a core assessment. They will assess the situation the whole family is in, not just the disabled child.

Also, have you looked into claiming a Carer's Grant? You could ask for a Carer's Grant to fund a thorough clean of your house by a cleaning company, which would mean it would be easier for a weekly cleaner to keep clean in a short number of hours.

Finally, hellhasnofury is correct, schools are required to have children in school full time. There should be no 'part time' arrangements due to Special Needs. If they have told you that they cannot meet his needs full time, then they are, effectively, excluding him. This type of exclusion is often termed 'unofficial' by schools and LEAs, but the charities that support disabled children term it 'illegal exclusion', since schools are excluding the child without any official paperwork or good reason (them not being able to cope is not a good enough reason!). Unfortunately, since we parents are so desparate for any provision at all, we agree to this because the alternative could be that they give up trying to help our child altogether!

Good luck, OP, and enjoy your clean house, however it gets like that!