to think that an autistic nine year old really doesn't need wine with his dinner....

[Flanelle]

... just to "make him feel included" and, because "they give children wine on the continent and it shatters the 'mystique of wine'". As far as I know, dont they give well-watered wine, which STBXH did not do, and do they really give it to very immature under tens with special needs?

His dad's an alcoholic btw.

Sounds insane to me. It sounds like your STBXH was taking the line of least resistance, to avoid having to deal with a confrontation.

YANBU

What was the amount involved?

I don't think any 9 yr old needs wine with dinner, autistic or otherwise
My xh was an alcoholic, but he would have flattened either of our DSs who touched his drink because it would have meant less for him and he didn't share

I don't know anything about autism or how wine may affect any medications, but isn't it off giving ANY nine-year old wine?

YANBU.

Leaving aside the Autism perspective (which I'm afraid I know nothing about) it's also been proved to be bollox.

The reason people on the continent don't drink it excess is not because they had wine as a child but because they don't have an Anglo-Saxon binge drinking culture - it's not the done thing culturally.

From an empirical point of view, plenty of my contemporaries were given wine as children and they all drink to excess. Because their parents drank/drink to excess.

There's a scientific study about it somewhere if you can be bothered to search the web - was in the papers a few years back.

No-one needs wine! Yes very irresponsible. He says it was a centimeter in a glass, but I wasn't there so I don't know.

I don't know what age wine with dinner starts for kids in countries where this is more commonplace, so I don't know if 9 is remarkably young for it abroad or not - but even if 9 is not unusual, my 9 yo is a very young 9 indeed.

Thank you keSnowBi - will rummage.

In this instance, I don't understand the relevance of him being autistic so can't comment on that.

However, surely no 9 year old needs wine with his dinner or at any other time.

So no, YANBU!

In fact, whilst its' nice to have a glass of wine with dinner, surely no one actually needs it!

If you are concerned and it becomes a common occurrence, you could contact social services and at least ask for advice.

My parents gave us all tiny glasses of wine with our meals, certainly we were given a splash from age nine. It wasn't watered, and IME when we were in France on holidays, waiters would pour us all small glasses from an early age.

I am a recovering alcoholic. I don't imagine the wine with meals did any harm but it certainly didn't bloody help!

I wouldn't know if autism has to do with it but I can imagine it would be utterly rotten to be autistic and dependent on alcohol.

Presumably they thought the child would have a strop if he didn't have wine and were going for the line of least resistance.
My DS has Aspergers and you do learn to pick your battles, but we would have told DS he was too young and "them's the rules".

Good. I didn't think IWBU. Thanks all.

Was it a one-off special ocasion kind of meal, or just an ordinary dinner? I don't have a problem with a 9yo getting a taste of wine on special occasions, but it certainly shouldn't be a regular thing, as it normalises alcohol too much. But then I'd also be uncomfortable if STBX has wine with his dinner regularly anyway.

I can't imagine really that autism really enters into it (and I'm saying this from the perspective of someone who has a DS with ASD). You either feel he is old enough at 9 or he is not. I personally wouldn't give a 9yo wine, but that's my choice. Others don't have a problem with them having a small splash watered down on special occasions and that's fine too.

oops.. too many reallys there... lol

No of course he doesn't need it.

But I have to ask "But then I'd also be uncomfortable if STBX has wine with his dinner regularly anyway." Why?

Because she says he's an alcoholic - if he's an alcoholic who's drinking in front of his 9yo then the boy will be getting a very bad view of what alcohol is about. An alcoholic who is tring to deal with his problem is one thing, ne who is drinking regularly is another.

A 9 year old definitely doesn't 'need' wine with dinner.

We were allowed a splash of wine when we were younger, often watered down, when it was a special occasion. None of us turned into alcoholics, but we're not genetically predisposed to that anyway. I would be more concerned if one of the parents was an alcoholic.

My 2 year old DD loves to copy my champagne when we go somewhere special - she has no idea we're giving her a small Schloer instead.

maybe OP could explain why she felt autism was relevant here?

I was given wine with dinner as a child, probably about 8-9 but it was either the low alcohol 5% stuff or a bit of wine topped up with lemonade. It was only with a special dinner like a Sunday roast or a celebratory meal and was probably only once every few weeks.
My parents believed that by letting us taste it when we were young we'd grow up with it being the norm and wouldn't go out binge drinking when we were older.
I think they were right, me n my bro both enjoy a drink but neither of us have ever gone silly with it. When I turned 18 it wasn't a novelty to me, most of my friends would be getting drunk to the point where they can't remember what happened the next day, I've never been in such a mess and I think that is probably because my parents let me try it when I was young, it's never been the forbidden fruit for me.

YANBU... Don't think the autism is relevant and am amazed any nine year-old would take the wine anyway. My DS has occasionally sniffed at a glass and recoiled in disguest!!!

well no one needs wine, but i dont think it unreasonable to give a 9 year old wine at all. not sure the relevance of his autism, but if the wine has an adverse affect due to that then that wbu.