To get really angry about gender stereotyping?

[exBrightonBell]

I'm 15 weeks pregnant and am now in the process of letting everyone know that I am expecting. AIBU to get really cross when people ask "are you going to find out the gender" and then immediately say things like - how will you know what colour to decorate the nursery, or, how will you know what colour clothes to buy? Why does the gender of my baby affect what colour choices I make? Why should we all be forced to conform to the inane stereotype of blue for boys and pink for girls?!

Try rolling your eyes and shrugging instead

You're not forced to, DD has a lovely light blue bedroom and looks great in navy, purple and pink.

Yes YABU and a little over-sensitive....

People mean well....they just don't have the same attitude as you (maybe) when it comes to these things.

YABU to get really cross - non issue. Just say that even if you found out the gender you would not be gender stereotyping your LO. Noone says you have to conform, it does affect some people's decisions- doesn't have to affect yours.

surely you find out gender not sex?

Annoying yes but don't let it make you angry. It won't be good for your blood pressure. Just tell them that you will buy what you like and gender is irrelevant as far as you're concerned.

No-one is forced into buying blue or pink but plenty choose to.

Does it really make you that angry that some people might assume you might also choose specific colours?

Life is waaaaay to short to let these things bother you really.

It's annoying, but you should tell them they are being silly.

Or if you want to pass the anger on, ask them why it's so important for them to stereotype boys and girls, then watch the explosions.

or the other way round

"Do you know what you're having?" is a normal question to ask an expectant mother.
Good luck with the pregnancy.

The idea that gender stereotyping is a "choice" mind you, when there is massive pressure to do so, including what the OP is experiencing, is somehwat ignoring reality.

YANBU to notice it, but YABU to get really angry about it! And also in my experience if you start to challenge people's 'nice' questions about nursery colour etc. then they are less likely to take the issue seriously.

I don't think we're forced to conform, really; are we?

I hope you don't shout at them too much

Well, Thunderbolts, the choice of whether to paint her nursery blue or pink is a choice only she/her partner can make isn't it?

I had a choice in what colour clothes I dressed my kids in and what colour I chose to paint the nursery.

No-one ever took that choice away from me

Since when was the only "choice" pink or blue NinkyNonker? Who made that decision? Who decided that boys should be represented by one colour and girls by another?

gender, sex, whatever you want to call it... I found it annoying too. For some people it seems really important to do the whole pink and blue thing. I was always very keen not to gender stereotype my baby and certainly didn't want to start doing it mere weeks into the pregnancy.

Good for you, OP, for not wanting to.

If people keep referring to trucks etc as "Boys toys" then they will always be boys toys.
Parents can buy trucks for their daughters too if they want.

Get used to it. My ILs are terrible for it, you should have seen the reaction they had to the fact that DS's bouncer was pink! They just went on and on about it, even commenting that he was "embarrassed" at five months of age ffs! My MIL was going on so much about it that I turned to her one day and said "Why do you think being a girl is so embarrassing?" She looked a bit so I said "if you saw a girl in a blue bouncer you'd probably think nothing of it because it's ok for the weak gender to imitate the strong gender. But for the strong gender to be in any way associated with the weak gender is completely beneath their dignity and "embarrassing." She looked a bit sceptical at first but I think she got it and she hasn't made such stupid comments since.

Didn't stop her saying derisively that her neighbour's grandson (4 months) was "effeminate" though

It is very annoying OP but it's so ingrained in how people think that they can't see any other way of being. Getting really annoyed about it will only drive you mad. But if you want to explain to people why you feels it's not necessary to know the gender, go ahead, just don't do it in a confrontational way.

I don't think you're entirely being U. There's research that suggests people start treating babies differently, and interpreting their feelings differently, pretty much from birth depending on what they think the sex of the babies is. I don't have the reference to hand, but there was a study that showed the same footage of a crying baby was interpreted differently depending on whether the person looking at it thought it was a girl or a boy. If the observer believed it was a boy they thought it was angry; if it was a girl they believed it was frightened.

Sex role stereotyping is so pervasive and deeply-embedded in the culture, and can be damaging to both sexes. If you're keen to think of your unborn child as a person first and a set of sex roles second, then YANBU to be a bit irritated by people who are desperate to know the gender so they can start treating it accordingly.

You are right. Its silly old fashioned and wrong in so many ways. You will soon realise that most boys love pink and dresses and little girls are prone to taking lumps out of each other like the best of them anyway.

In an ideal world a child might have a Barbie in shocking pink and a huge yellow construction crane operated by said Barbie.
Again that's up to the parents there's no need to be cross at outside influences or pressures from consumerism.