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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get really angry about gender stereotyping?

107 replies

exBrightonBell · 03/01/2012 13:59

I'm 15 weeks pregnant and am now in the process of letting everyone know that I am expecting. AIBU to get really cross when people ask "are you going to find out the gender" and then immediately say things like - how will you know what colour to decorate the nursery, or, how will you know what colour clothes to buy? Why does the gender of my baby affect what colour choices I make? Why should we all be forced to conform to the inane stereotype of blue for boys and pink for girls?!

OP posts:
neshnosher · 04/01/2012 12:52

Good for you Mochan you are applying your thoughts into action.

minouminou · 04/01/2012 13:09

Mochan you are so right about other people. The thing is, it's so churlish to ask people not to buy a particular item or colour, or to do anything other than express gratitude when you receive a pink ironing board and a "When I grow up I'm going to work at Spearmint Rhino" t-shirt.

Again, with this, I try to tread a middle ground, and say things like "Oh, DD loves Geomag/Octonauts" (which she does) and hope people get things along this line.

Gifts are always gifts and you should be grateful and gracious, but there's v few people to whom you can say "Please don't get her such-and-such, we don't do the princess thing" to.

Thankfully we do have a few close people who know what we're like...it's the outliers and the people who think she'll be missing out if she doesn't have a pissy pink (my least fave shade) teddy that are the prob.

What makes it worse 9as we've found recently) is that she'll open these type of presents and go all goo-ey for a few minutes, leading to "Awwwwww, see, that's what she needs......". After a few mins she's discarded said item for ever and is back to pulling moonies at all and sundry and scrapping over the Gup-A with her DB.

MoChan · 04/01/2012 14:05

It is churlish, and it is therefore hard to control. It's hard. Especially when people cling to the notion that I am trying to make my DD something she isn't (ie, denying her the god-given right to pink-everything, as is only right, for a small female) and clearly get her stuff because they think she is deprived. I'm not trying to deny her anything (and she does have some pink/girly stuff as well as neutral and 'boy stuff'). I'm just trying to make sure she knows she has a choice. That she doesn't have to like certain things or not like certain things just because of her sex.

The thing that vexes me most is that all that pink/blue marketing leads on to science toys vs make-up toys marketing (broadly speaking - that's just two examples, but you get the point - boys clever and into science, girls vain and concentrating on their appearance).

So as I said earlier, it's not just the colours, but I think they play a very key part in perpetuating gender stereotypes, helping to persuade young girls that their role in life is to remain passive and look pretty, and young boys that they are only a man if they are interested in trucks and building things.

GrimmaTheNome · 04/01/2012 14:20

I think its fine if people ask what your child might like to say 'well, she's not into pink' (if, like mine, she really isn't)

The Bright Minds catalog used to annoy me - there was a 'pink science' section with bath bombs and perfume kits Hmm - and apart from that just about all the kids shown in the science/construction pages were boys whereas in the arts&crafts - girls. Of course that didn't influence what we bought but why did they ever do that? A quick look at their web pages though they seem to have got rid of this stupid gender divide - I do hope so!

Insomnia11 · 04/01/2012 14:27

Well I bought DD2 some sandals in John Lewis sale that said Boy inside. DD1 said "No mummy those are boy's" and I told her they were perfectly acceptable for a girl and DD2 liked them anyway. Also had to go to the boy's section to get decent plain white vests for DD1.

redexpat · 04/01/2012 14:30

YANBU. Pissed me off too. After a while when I got asked 'do you know what it is?' I replied yes it's a baby.

lottiegb · 04/01/2012 15:26

Redexpat, I'm still going with 'well it could be an alien', when I feel like it.

Sensible people seem to understand 'well we were just pleased it seems to have a heart, brain and some limbs'.

I heard a comedy sketch years ago that really tickled me and which I can't remember well enought to tell properly but, it was about checking for gender amongst other things so the nub of the joke was really that anyone would want to know / be disappointed if their baby was going to be gay but the punchline was along the lines of 'well he's going to have brown hair, blue eyes and be 6' tall but I'm very sorry to tell you that he is going to be permanently sarcastic and a little bit awkward and annoying. I am sorry'.

How can we know who they are until we meet and get to know them? Our nursery will be cream (coincidentally like the guest room before it) and decorated with pictures, mobiles and toys no doubt.

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