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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are PILS mean regarding food/drink or it is just the credit crunch? Or it is just me??

59 replies

sassyminder · 02/01/2012 23:04

PILS came for Xmas as usual and as usual they said they would bring some drinks, turkey (as pil must have his turkey for xmas and we prefer beef) and mil wanted to bring dessert (Iceland I must say) and other 'bits and pieces' that were not clear to me what would be even though I asked.

Dh always gets a very very good hamper (he is a chef) so we don't spend nothing with the dinner itself, just nibbles, canapes and extra drinks (non and alcoholics) plus we are in charge of cooking/cleaning and etc, they don't lift a finger.

Anyway, this year I txted her few days before Xmas saying that on X day I would be Xmas shopping and if there was anything particular she wanted me to get. She said pil wanted butternut squash (as I served them few weeks before) only.

So they arrive early on Xmas day and after presents at around 12 we have a very good brunch with bread, ham, chesse selection and fruits.

Dinner was supposed to be served at 3, so when is around 1:30 - 2pm I wanted to serve some canapes but Dh don't let me as he is cooking lots of food (turkey, beef and all the trimmings) and they want people not to be all full up.

Pils than complain there is no nuts or crisps (only him eats them) and mil complains there is no olives (only her eating them). I assumed it was the bits and pieces they were talking about and didnt buy any. Should have bought them to stay on the safe side but I didn't.

Nevermind. We have dinner and move on to dessert. Nobody likes Xmas pudding so we are having the Iceland thing. No cream. Pils and Dh complain: why there is no cream?? Sure whoever gets the dessert gets the cream??
I screwd up again.

Now it is NYE. Pils are coming again. Mil txt me at 2pm NYE to say they will arrive at 8 and they are bringing bits and pieces. I tell her I had done shopping and I have loads os food and nuts/olives. No need to bring anything.
They arrive with a bag full of party food (no nuts and olives) but my food is on the table and ready to go. I ask if they want any particular food from their bag and they say mine is fine, lets have ours tomorrow.

NYD and Pils are drinking our dinks and their drinking at the same time not sharing their ones (they done the same on Xmas).

Dh cooks a 3 course meal and we have my dessert with cream. Perfect.
Next day Pil go and take their party food and drink with them.

I dont mind at all but find a bit weird? I thought I could put it in the freezer for the next get together that always happens at ours or my Dd B'day that is soon...

So do you take unused food back home or leave at host's house?

I know it is long and boring but...

OP posts:
Lilyloo · 02/01/2012 23:10

you are a very generous host guess they were just bringing supplements that you had already supplied.
I wouldnt take them home though !

Wittsend13 · 02/01/2012 23:11

No I don't. I find it rude. Saying that my cousins hosted two of my friends earlier this year. One of them bought crisps and cakes etc. When she left, she packed the half eaten crisps and cakes into her suitcase. I was so embarrassed.

Lucky we still laugh about it.

skybluepearl · 02/01/2012 23:12

its a bit tight on their part

issey6cats · 02/01/2012 23:13

YANBU if you take food or drink to someones house as a guest if you dont eat it during the stay you dont take it home with you its considered as part of your contribution towards the occasion

slavetofilofax · 02/01/2012 23:19

I think it seems a bit tight of them.

When there is excess food at our family gatherings, which there always is because certain family members insist on bringing/providing too much, we always have a big kitchen conversation about who will eat what, who will make the best use out of what, whose kids will like what beat, who would benefit the most from something in their lunch the next day......

The food sharing is like a family ritual, nobody goes home without something.

HugosGoatee · 02/01/2012 23:23
Xmas Grin

I think this is my favourite Xmas pils thread.

Original poster
sassyminder · 02/01/2012 23:31

I usually share cooked food with them after a gathering as Dh being a chef, the food they eat at ours is nothing compared to the frozen food the usually eat, and Dh usually cooks too much and me frezeer is usually full.

but taking party food back with them was rude wasn't it?

How about they drinking our drinks and not sharing their drinks? Is not that they said: don't touch our drinks but...mil was pouring herseld her Baileys which was a present from Pil and Pil was drinking his very nice red wine which he has been keeping for xmas for ages I was told. They never offered me none and they know I like both...honestly they had two glasses each going on...thier own special drink and the home's drinks...

Must be the age, I do hope me or Dh don't end up like that...

OP posts:
Gumby · 02/01/2012 23:37

Pil stands for parents in law doesnt it? Do you mean fil ? As in father in law?

Feel sorry for your dh as a chef cooking Xmas dinner too

Suggest next yr he needs a break & you go round theirs?

WhereEaglesDare · 02/01/2012 23:41

It was really lovely and very kind to put so much effort and ,i must say ,money into dinners. I wouldn't take things back home if i was them,but maybe when they saw your beautiful food they assumed you don't need it IYSWIM. At least ,they should have given you drinks,but maybe it's just their way,rude way....
Still think ,from your tread,you are wonderful hostSmile and your DH is a chefGrin..yummy food i am sure.....

Original poster
sassyminder · 02/01/2012 23:45

Hi Gumby sorry everyone, I mean PIL parents in law and you should read Fil where I say Pil sometimes. I must be tired.

Dh does not mind cooking at all, he likes to show off for Pils as they mostly eat frozen food and cook scrumbled eggs in microwave.

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 02/01/2012 23:47

"Scumbled eggs in microwave"

A quite wonderfully Freudian slip there!

This has the potential to go Classic y'know.

Original poster
sassyminder · 02/01/2012 23:51

I have some dificulty writing in English as it is not my native language

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 02/01/2012 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fifteenfiftyfive · 02/01/2012 23:52

I don't like a lot of what the OP mentions as I think she sounds judgemental and a bit annoying (dessert (Iceland I must say) / they don't lift a finger and the comments about the food they eat in general Hmm), but I agree she is not being unreasonable re: the taking stuff to people's houses and then packing it up thing... that's just odd.

Aside from that one issue, I think a lot of the OP's problems could be solved by better communication all around.

Gay40 · 02/01/2012 23:54

I like it when people take their own stuff home. We only have a small kitchen and are a fussy family, so it wouldn't get used. I'm forever foisting leftovers onto people to take home for themselves "You'll get a sandwich out of that leftover beef" etc.

But NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS would I take my own stuff home from a family/friends situation. I'd make an excuse rather than take it. "Oh I'll never eat it, we haven't room" etc. How fucking rude are your ILs.

Original poster
sassyminder · 03/01/2012 00:00

Definitely fifteenfiftyfive I will ensure better communication for the next times and I take on board what you have said me being judgmental and annoying about the way I talk about Pils..Dh has said the same in the past.

OP posts:
PotPourri · 03/01/2012 00:01

I don't take things home if they are not used. Occasionally people offer for me to take some stuff home (either what I brought or other stuff) - which is nice. But not required.

I think they were rude

fifteenfiftyfive · 03/01/2012 00:02
Smile
Original poster
sassyminder · 03/01/2012 00:04

Guess I am more bothered aout the drinks situation, I tottally forgot to buy my Baileys this year and was curious about fil's precious wine.
I know I could ask them to help myself but I honestly wanted to watch and see if they would ever offer?
Maybe it is me being silly, but I always dot it.
The other day I went to a B'day party where all the guests were supposed to bring one bottle of wine to share. No wine was offered (no other drink in fact just a glass of champagne each guest) and I came home shocked. Dh asked me why didn't I asked to be served wine but I just think it is rude.

OP posts:
Original poster
sassyminder · 03/01/2012 00:07

And how about dessert? If you made yourself responsible for the dessert do you provide the cream as well or do you assume the host will have the cream??

OP posts:
winnybella · 03/01/2012 00:13

They should have brought the cream.
They should have offered you their wine/Baileys
They should not have taken their food back home Shock

But in the end, it's not a huge deal. Raise above it-you're unlikely to change them and if they are rather nice people, I would just let go.

Are they nice, generally speaking?

ElphabaisWicked · 03/01/2012 00:15

I wouldn't assume the host has cream as not all desserts require cream. A trifle for example or a steamed pudding.

yellowraincoat · 03/01/2012 00:16

Oh gosh, sassy, there's nothing you like about these people is there?

Christmas has been over for a week. It is time to LET GO.

Original poster
sassyminder · 03/01/2012 00:21

Letting go, letting go. They gone today so NY celebrations are over too.
They are generally nice and they are great with Dd and to us too.
Just needed some confirmation regarding etiquette.
Thanks

OP posts:
humblehippo · 03/01/2012 00:43

If I was bringing dessert I would not be sure whether supplying cream was down to me. If I thought cream would be nice with it I would probably get it just to be on the safe side but depends on the dessert and whether I expected the host to already have stocked up (e.g. I know my parents would have it in at Christmas time).

Taking the food back with them is definitely v rude! Once they bring food or drink and hand it to the host, it belongs to the host's household IMO!