Are PILS mean regarding food/drink or it is just the credit crunch? Or it is just me??

[sassyminder]

PILS came for Xmas as usual and as usual they said they would bring some drinks, turkey (as pil must have his turkey for xmas and we prefer beef) and mil wanted to bring dessert (Iceland I must say) and other 'bits and pieces' that were not clear to me what would be even though I asked.

Dh always gets a very very good hamper (he is a chef) so we don't spend nothing with the dinner itself, just nibbles, canapes and extra drinks (non and alcoholics) plus we are in charge of cooking/cleaning and etc, they don't lift a finger.

Anyway, this year I txted her few days before Xmas saying that on X day I would be Xmas shopping and if there was anything particular she wanted me to get. She said pil wanted butternut squash (as I served them few weeks before) only.

So they arrive early on Xmas day and after presents at around 12 we have a very good brunch with bread, ham, chesse selection and fruits.

Dinner was supposed to be served at 3, so when is around 1:30 - 2pm I wanted to serve some canapes but Dh don't let me as he is cooking lots of food (turkey, beef and all the trimmings) and they want people not to be all full up.

Pils than complain there is no nuts or crisps (only him eats them) and mil complains there is no olives (only her eating them). I assumed it was the bits and pieces they were talking about and didnt buy any. Should have bought them to stay on the safe side but I didn't.

Nevermind. We have dinner and move on to dessert. Nobody likes Xmas pudding so we are having the Iceland thing. No cream. Pils and Dh complain: why there is no cream?? Sure whoever gets the dessert gets the cream??
I screwd up again.

Now it is NYE. Pils are coming again. Mil txt me at 2pm NYE to say they will arrive at 8 and they are bringing bits and pieces. I tell her I had done shopping and I have loads os food and nuts/olives. No need to bring anything.
They arrive with a bag full of party food (no nuts and olives) but my food is on the table and ready to go. I ask if they want any particular food from their bag and they say mine is fine, lets have ours tomorrow.

NYD and Pils are drinking our dinks and their drinking at the same time not sharing their ones (they done the same on Xmas).

Dh cooks a 3 course meal and we have my dessert with cream. Perfect.
Next day Pil go and take their party food and drink with them.

I dont mind at all but find a bit weird? I thought I could put it in the freezer for the next get together that always happens at ours or my Dd B'day that is soon...

So do you take unused food back home or leave at host's house?

I know it is long and boring but...

I think you sound a bit sneery of your PIL actually, OP. You say that you serve 'very, very nice things' and that PIL bring stuff from 'Iceland'. Perhaps they sense that you think less of it so they didn't leave it with you for fear of you disposing of it?

I think that the person who is hosting, hosts - generously and without expectation. If you do expect your guests to bring something - say so and specify what that is. These people are your husband's parents. You get a hamper provided for you by dint of your husband's job. Just put that in perspective before you refer to your PILs as being 'mean'.

She's probably going to tell us they bought the Iceland dessert on the same shopping trip as the Poundland hand cream.

I can see why they might have taken the food back, if someone came to my house with bags of food that wasnt eaten I would be happy if they took it away with them (because then it is more likley to be eaten, rather than if I was left with things that I may not want to eat).
You do seem like you may have given them the impression that you didnt think that the food they had brought was good enough.

My bil and sil once stayed with us for a week. On the last night they shopped and made a lasagne for dinner. The next day they took home not only the leftovers, but the remains of the packets of pasta, tomato paste and so on they had bought. And a half drunk bottle of wine.

I'm not really sure about the stinginess actually - we usually ask if our guests would like to take stuff home with them! Most say no though to be fair. I think we may have taken stuff home when visiting, but only gluten free stuff (DH is coeliac so we often take something just in case) which is very expensive and hard to find in the shops.

Having said that, maybe it's different when it's family, especially parents! I'd expect them to leave it. I'm not sure if that's weird of me but I think it's what parents do isn't it, giving a bit here and there? When I ask my parents if they want to take stuff back home they say don't be silly - or indeed they randomly bring a couple of nice foody things specifically for us to keep.

The sharing drinks thing - could be rude if they specifically didn't let you drink any? Or was it that they just didn't offer?

HOWEVER. The complaining of lack of olives etc is unbefuckinglievably rude

Why didn't you just hold out a glass for some of the precious wine or baileys? I doubt they'd have refused to give you some.

They have been a bit mean and a bit odd, and you and DH have been good hosts. don't let it ruin your Christmas, just learn that you need to be much more specific with people in future about the arrangements and expectations.

and you could say to MIL 'if there is anything in particular you knwo you will want that we don't buy/use, then why don't you make sure you bring that, as we are unlikely to think of it.'

However, YABVVU to type 'she txt me' It's texted.

True manners and ettiquette would dictate that you never, ever bring this up with them to their face, and indeed, it's fairly bad form to talk about them here too. It's petty and indelicate.

Well I think they were rude and mean.

Who takes drinks/food to a family gathering and then doesn't share it? No-one I know.

Maybe you could together, compile a list of what needs to be bought for the next family occasion and then divvy up between you who buys what. When they arrive with their share, you say "Great, thanks!" and grab the bag and put it all out / in fridge / whatever, to be SHARED.

Oh no it's quite rude to take food home again I think. The only time I think it's acceptable is if the host insists, if they already have a lot of stuff leftover for example.

(I feel the need to point out that when we do take gluten free stuff home, it's partly because the host would have no use for it anyway, and mostly it is not particularly tasty!)

YABU. I don't particularly think etiquette matters with family, each family has their own rules.

The NYE food thing - I suspect they took it because you hadn't opened it and shared it. IMO if a guest brings something to contribute towards the food, then you open it and show appreciation, rather than look down your nose at it. As you didn't open it on New Years Day, they probably thought you didn't want it.

The rest is down to communication, which I guess both parties are responsible for.

The NYE food was not from Iceland but Morrisons.
I told them not to bring anything for NY but they did anyway, I was not expecting so I dont mind they taking back, but just wanted to check out what people views are.

For Xmas they all know we have a verey good hamper every year, they still insist in bringing food, I thinl Fil should bring his turkey as he is the only one eating it and I make sure he takes it back to make his turkey curry at his own home.

As for the Iceland dessert, she wanted to provide it, we never asked and just let her do it as she was so keen in offering something. I don't usually have cream in the fridge so never thought about the dessert at all.

About the other bits and pieces for Xmas I didn't see any, but I made a mistake in thinking they would bring their own nuts and olives as they are the only ones eating it and maybe would like to eat the ones they are used to, their favourite.

They did bring some drinks - to share - and not to share - yes if I wanted the 'not to share' drinks so badly I should have handed my glass out, but I didn't. It was Mil saying: MY baileys and Fil: MY wine. In fact last year I dared pour some of HIS wine to myself and he "told me off" as a joke, so I never done it again.

And they are the ones always talking how lovely is our food and how crap is theirs. I never ever even tasted their food tbh. Always when we visit them which is very rare, Dh makes sure he takes ingridients with him and cooks. He must be traumatised.

Funny how you never mentioned this in your other thread, when you were busy slagging off the gifts your in laws gave you for being insufficiently pricey and lacking a designer label,saying all those terrible things about your daughter and bragging about your husband's new year bonus.

You are either a fantasist or a really nasty piece of work.

And the reason why we didn't eat their food was because we all woke up late on NYD and had a huge breakfast with breakfast food, I am not used to eat party food for breakfast. After that was nibbles and huge meal, so no enough time to it what they brought. They told me they would be bringing food at NYE 2pm. I had my menus planned by that time, and told them not to bring, (maybe that is why they took it back) should I change my menu ???
And if they ever wanted to eat their own food, they could ask as they asked for nuts, olives and ask for tea/cofee al the time.

I am a nasty piece of work composhat dont waste you time replying to me.
The other thread was about gifts, not food, and was not about gifts price or label. I am sorry you can not understand this
Now go entertain ypurself with something else, will you.

And as I said before OMG I am the only person on here whose have bad days, negatives feelings, and makes mistakes Aren't I????
There are some unbelievible perfect people here!!!

and oh yes it is very easy to keep changing nicknames and post leads of thinhs here whitout being hunted doen, but I prefer being myself tbh

Oh, I think it was about gifts and labels. Otherwise why did you mention gifts and labels?

seeker, if you want to discuss it you can redirect yourself to the other thread. I can try and explain to you again when I have time and patience.

The op is entitled to post here if she wants isn't she? Also it sounds like she is from a different culture/background and is sensing out if this is something people do here, possibly? Op is married to a chef - of course they'd find Iceland hysterical, no-one was attacking Jamie Oliver when he looked down his nose at turkey twizzlers were they?

I think it is extremely poor taste to pack up things you've brought to a gathering. If you buy it to bring and share - consider it eaten/drunk before you even get to the door. It'sa gift of food or drink.

I would only take food if offered - we'll never eat this Christmas cake etc...

But op, they are different people to you, and as your family you just have to tolerate their foibles. And the special wine - well if you didn't like the sound of their special dessert from Iceland, the wine probably isn't going to be a Chateau Margaux is it? I think if your husband has "spoilt" your taste buds with fine dining you probably didn't miss out on much did you?

I'm not even quite sure what the OP is about but mil wanted to bring dessert (Iceland I must say) made me laugh out loud

Well if you don't want critical comment and just want people to agree with whatever shite pours out of your brain, don't post on 'am I being unreasonable?'
The clue is in the word unreasonable and the question mark.

Aren;t you the one who was being a screaming whinyarse about your Christmas presents as well?

I prefer people to take stuff as if it's Christmas food it's usually pretty unhealthy and you want it out of the house ASAP so no one eats it. If it is good stuff then yes you would expect them to leave it particularly if they know you are worse off than they are. It may come down to money. Richer parents with children just making their way tend to want to help them out and food gifts is a nice way to do that.