Are PILS mean regarding food/drink or it is just the credit crunch? Or it is just me??

[sassyminder]

PILS came for Xmas as usual and as usual they said they would bring some drinks, turkey (as pil must have his turkey for xmas and we prefer beef) and mil wanted to bring dessert (Iceland I must say) and other 'bits and pieces' that were not clear to me what would be even though I asked.

Dh always gets a very very good hamper (he is a chef) so we don't spend nothing with the dinner itself, just nibbles, canapes and extra drinks (non and alcoholics) plus we are in charge of cooking/cleaning and etc, they don't lift a finger.

Anyway, this year I txted her few days before Xmas saying that on X day I would be Xmas shopping and if there was anything particular she wanted me to get. She said pil wanted butternut squash (as I served them few weeks before) only.

So they arrive early on Xmas day and after presents at around 12 we have a very good brunch with bread, ham, chesse selection and fruits.

Dinner was supposed to be served at 3, so when is around 1:30 - 2pm I wanted to serve some canapes but Dh don't let me as he is cooking lots of food (turkey, beef and all the trimmings) and they want people not to be all full up.

Pils than complain there is no nuts or crisps (only him eats them) and mil complains there is no olives (only her eating them). I assumed it was the bits and pieces they were talking about and didnt buy any. Should have bought them to stay on the safe side but I didn't.

Nevermind. We have dinner and move on to dessert. Nobody likes Xmas pudding so we are having the Iceland thing. No cream. Pils and Dh complain: why there is no cream?? Sure whoever gets the dessert gets the cream??
I screwd up again.

Now it is NYE. Pils are coming again. Mil txt me at 2pm NYE to say they will arrive at 8 and they are bringing bits and pieces. I tell her I had done shopping and I have loads os food and nuts/olives. No need to bring anything.
They arrive with a bag full of party food (no nuts and olives) but my food is on the table and ready to go. I ask if they want any particular food from their bag and they say mine is fine, lets have ours tomorrow.

NYD and Pils are drinking our dinks and their drinking at the same time not sharing their ones (they done the same on Xmas).

Dh cooks a 3 course meal and we have my dessert with cream. Perfect.
Next day Pil go and take their party food and drink with them.

I dont mind at all but find a bit weird? I thought I could put it in the freezer for the next get together that always happens at ours or my Dd B'day that is soon...

So do you take unused food back home or leave at host's house?

I know it is long and boring but...

Wow.

I bet your inlaws just dont know how to best please you. Is there any pleasing you?

You sound really smug about your great food offerings, and really down your nose about them.

They cant do anything right, can they?

If your dh is cooking the Christmas food, why do you expect them to lift a finger?

Ok. So if anyone wants to talk about the presents, go to the other thread is this asking too much? I don't think I missed out on nothing, I just found it to be a very odd behaviour of 'my drink' 'our drinks' - last year was only fil but now mil done the same. Whatever. I would perhaps expect people maybe putting their rubbish in the bin, dirty dinner plates and glasses on the table or sink instead of next to them on the couch or on the top of coffee table (oh yes they like to eat EVERY meal on the couch in front of the f* TV and expect someone to go there and collect their plates from them ) but this is maybe just me being nasty again. This is just me looking down on them again isn't it? When once I went to a gathering at SIL there was dirty plates lying around for 3 days, maybe this is normal? Well not in my home and the way I was brought up. And this a question for you quintessential shallow: if you or your Dh are cooking dinner do you expect your guests to lift a finger and put their underwear on their bags or it is ok to leave it lying around?? Or do You have to go and do it for them??

A question for me?

No, I dont expect to tidy up my guests undies. Your op mentions nothing about undies. You are drip feeding information.

And a question for you. How often are you expected to wipe your dads bum?

(see, that is as random as your question to me. Yet I have done that on a number of occasions, including changing my mums nappy, so dont sound so blardy put off by a few Christmas visits)

Gos sassy chill, trying too hard. Sod 'em, they get what they are given or lump it.

You can't really complain. You asked them not to bring anything. You and your DH seem very controlling. When you ever do go the ILs, he takes all the ingredients and cooks.

I think you really need to chill a bit. We went to DB's this year. We take it in turns. However, this year we had agreed that the visitors needed to bring a bit more stuff than normal as the recession had hit this year. I had brought the puddings. We were all going to DM's the next day so I asked DB if it was OK if I took the the remainder of the puddings to her house so that they wouldn't be wasted. That was fair enough. I knew that they wouldn't eat the puddings. We had taken loads of picky bits, too and I left them there as I knew they'd be consumed.

They should ask. If you don't want them to take the stuff back, then say, but you had said not to bring anything at all. You can't have it all ways.

Underwear on bags is a very dense point of etiquette; add Christmas into the mix and it's very easy to get that one wrong.

Yes most people on here ARE perfect. Perhaps you should in fact namechange and start again? You have lost your cool, it's not pretty.

Party food for breakfast is a good thing - look on the bright side, it could have been FIL's turkey curry, brought back to give the occasion that 'day after the takeaway' feel.

But all in all, I think YANBU. Your real issue is being surrounded by STUFF: presents with no labels, dishes with no hope of getting to the dishwasher, wine and Baileys which are destined never to touch your lips. Go minimalist, ditch the stuff, and get a kick out of seeing PIL perched on uncomfortable hessian rugs sipping their baileys from a roughly hewn wooden bowl this time next year.

sassy, you are well overthinking this. If someone took food home from my house, I'd find it hilarious. I am a tight cow as well, but it's so ridiculous that I'd just have to laugh.

Just chill, you're gonna end up all bitter if you don't stop hating people all the time.

Right. Mission for this year. Being a better giver and forget about receiving anything. Even small gestures of kindness and common sense. happy new year

Maybe your mission should just be to accept people as they are. Being a martyr about it never solved anything.