To be fumming at my aunt and univite her to our wedding?

[dezfree]

We are getting very close to our wedding and so are in the final flurry of getting things sorted. Soon to be DH is 3rd gen british pakistani and our wedding is a mix of culturals.
I am having 2 hen dos. One with sisters (mine and his) and a few close friends - spa then a bar thing 2 weeks before wedding.
2nd one is my henna party a day before wedding. So sisters, close friends, mums, nana's, aunts, neices and female cousins (ones we are close to at least) all coming .

My uncle's wife has always been an odd one and can blow hot and cold and can basically be an all around moody cow (and has been for about 20 years)
But I did invite her to the henna party - out of politeness I suppose. She accepted.

She emailed me to ask about what would happen - i just said food and chat and stuff and then the henna.
She asked if everyone has to partake in having henna down
I said that no but if people wanted to then they were welcome to (my neices for example really want to have some on their hands)

She finally messaged back saying - good, she wont be having any henna on her. Then ends in saying - as it doesn't correspond with her faith (we are coptic christians - most of us dont practice, she does)

I said that is okay. And if it made her uncomfortable she shouldn't feel any obligation to come to it.

Her reply - she would come as she will feel uncomfortable at the actual wedding. As our actions in getting married are sinful but she will come for the family. Then she ended her email with -' best wishes and i pray that you listen to christ and save yourself from a marriage that will lead you down the devils path'

To be DH is fumming - his family don't care about my family's religion and I thought all of my family had no problem with his family's religion either.

Why would I want someone who says that at our wedding?
I dont want to cause a 'thing' in our family but equally....

AIBU to say if you feel like that then don't come and actually me and DP dont want you there given your view?

Go Hecate!

uninvite her, reply you don't feel it would be appropriate for her to be at the wedding. The person upthread who said either your mother or father (whoever she's the sister of) should be told to have a word.

It's not just that you'll be upset by her presence at the wedding, your poor DH has to sit through the meal etc knowing there's someone who feels that way about him. He'll be worrying about how upset his family would get if she said anything. Apart from anything else, who the hell would you put her sitting next to at dinner???

Uninvite, ask your parents to make it clear to DH to be that you aren't that sort of family.

Thank you all.

Can't say anything to her siblings as she is an aunt by marriage.

Someone asked what religion tobe DH is - he's muslim but comes from a non religious family. My immediate family (and me) are coptic christian but non practicing really.

Still feel awkward about uninviting her - would it stop my uncle comeing over? Or other family members who are coming over as well.
We are big on family and i dont want to cause a 'thing' but know that if she was there DH and I wouldn't be happy about it and feel odd having her there.
Thanks again.

no way should you have to invite her to your wedding.

best wishes and i pray that you listen to christ and save yourself from a marriage that will lead you down the devils path

I think that's unforgiveable. If a relative felt that way about my marriage, I wouldn't just uninvite, I'd cut them out of my life completely.

If you are big on family, you may have to decide who your family actually is.

imo - you need to pass a message that you will not stand for anyone treating your husband with contempt. HE is your family.

Tell your uncle then (but tell your parents too and as many other members of your family as you can). Have a chat with him (or ask your parents to) about it and ask him to try to see your pov; who in the world would want someone at their wedding who thinks they should burn in hell? If he has any love for you and your family, let alone Christian tolerance (lovely example of oxymoron, there!) he will understand. It's not as if you did anything. This whole situation is of your aunt's making and she should be capable of thinking about the consequences of her actions. If she isn't, she shouldn't be let out alone. She must take responsibility for herself, after all.

I am a christian, and you are totally within your rights to say that you would not like such a judgemental person at your wedding. This puts firmly in place where she stands about your wedding, her perspective, and your life.

I would say that one good approach is actually to 'kill her with kindness'. I believe that you could bounce back, and say...... 'We know that our hearts are right. We are in love. Of the qualities between damnation, and love, I think God would prefer love. Which are you best at?'

What a horrid woman. Please speak to your parents and get them to to sort it out. And by that I mean she's not coming and they deal with it. Seriously forget about her.

dezfree - remember this... your AUNT caused this!

Reply to her email, saying that given the contents of her email to you and her clearly racist and discriminatory comments, that you will no longer expect to see her at your wedding.

AND CC EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY with a comment so that they can see the reasoning behind your decision.

You can't let this woman attend your wedding.

This thread is practically ALL of one voice FGS...

yy, forward her email to everyone accidentally of course.

JustHecate is spot on, your family now is your husband and the children you may or may not have. And you need to stand up for your husband to be.

What hecate said. You don't want someone at your wedding who thinks that about your union.

I'm amazed you haven't already uninvited her.

So she's married into the family, that means your uncle is the brother of your mum or dad, they can still have a word. Or speak to your uncle, making sure you show them the email

oh dear, uninvite definitely. If i felt this way about a couple getting married I would not go to their wedding. Part of our wedding service was asking the people there if they would help us and support us in keeping our vows. That is one of the points of a wedding, IMHO, to make a public statement of your intent to marry and stay together for life, so that your friends and family can help you keep to that agreement and support you in your relationship.

Plus her reasons are bonkers. She thinks you're going to hell for marrying a non christian but is completely fine with you being a non-practising christian? erm.... not sure thats the book i read.