to ask how you become organised and together? Seriously how??

[inatrance]

This is a question for any of you who used to be disorganised/flaky and are now organised and sorted. I have been like this for so long and I drive myself and everyone around me crackers. I'm unbelievably forgetful, I am late a lot and I'm rubbish with finances. I'm so fed up of cringing because I'm so bloody rubbish and make stupid mistakes all the time!

I've got an 8mth DS and a 10yo DD and while I've always had disorganised tendencies, since I had DS, it's gone from bad to ridiculous and I feel like I am constantly trying to catch up with myself.

I'm self employed (which is for the best as even I'd have sacked me by now) and have somehow managed to run my businesses haphazardly over the last ten years without fucking up too massively. Well, not often anyway...

Well, no more, I've had enough. I am using the New Year to kick me up the arse and I need your help.

If you used to be crap and are now brilliant and incredibly organised, please, please tell me how you did it. What changed in your mind and where the hell did you start?

Helenagrace she does put things back some times when I ask her to and she will put things in the bin for me. I think I should start using her as my personal slave helper :)

The main cause for concern at the moment is the living room floor, it is disgusting but it is never clear enough to Hoover and even when I do it's rubbish and doesn't pick anything up!

LotsOfGoodFun,I found that when mine were the age of getting out everything I'd just put away (they are still to a degree),the answer for me was to let them!Unless its getting dangerous to get across the floor ,utilise the time you would spend putting things away over and over again doing something else productive.Do it all in one big go when bedtime comes.

Hoovering is hard - I go with the "sectional" approach - (clear one small area and hoover swiftly before its messed up again,then move on to next patch!)

I excuse myself by telling any visitors that I intentionally leave their toys out so I don't destroy their imaginative creativity and interfere with their playing (or some such shite like that!)

Get some plastic boxes (clear) with lids and put all little toys into the appropriate box.To do tidying up time,you need to make it easy.Once there's a place for stuff its quick to put away in tidy up time.If all else fails with hoovering have you tried a manual carpet sweeper?If hoover isn't picking up well,have you given it a check over?(bag full/blockages/filters whatever?)

Another book recommendation:

"Time Management for Manic Mums" by Allison Mitchell

Hazie, if you feel overwhelmed, try playing 'task tarot'.

Take a pack of old playing cards (doesn't need to be a full set). On each one, write one item from your to-do list. Try to keep the tasks small and specific, eg 'empty dishwasher' or 'pay gas bill online'. Bigger tasks should say something like 'work on project x for ten minutes'.

Shuffle the cards with your eyes closed, then pull out your first 'lucky card'. Whatever the task that appears on it, do it until it's finished, or at least for as long as you feel able. Then remove that card from the deck (even if the task is unfinished), and shuffle the remaining cards again.

Pick another card, do the task, remove from the deck. You get the idea.

Carry on until you've done something on every card in the deck, at which point you return all the cards to the deck and start again.

I have no idea why this works, but it does. My nephew who has ADD was taught this technique, and if it works to discipline him, it will work on anyone.

I've come very late to this thread and have only just caught the tail end, so apologies if it's been said before, but try getting a professional declutterer or organiser in if you can at all afford it.

It costs around £200 per room on average so it will cost the same as a holiday, but you'll feel as refreshed as if you'd been away.

Used a professional organiser to downsize when we sold up and moved into rented, and it was honestly the best £800 I've ever spent. I got half the money back just selling stuff on Ebay that I no longer needed .

I am mute in admiration of A) the workload some of you are carrying and B) the advice given here. The idea up-thread of using post-it notes I wholeheartedly agree with - do it quite often myself. The only (kind of obvious) idea I add to it when I am really fogged by how much I need to do is to use masking tape on the back of a door to create an Urgent axis and an Important axis and shift all the post-its into the relevant quadrant and then I completely ignore anything that isn't Urgent and Important until I have worked my way through that section. Every morning I check that nothing needs to move into Urgent now and then just keep going. I also sometimes split the door into three columns labelled Must Should and Want. Things only go into Must if they absolutely have to be done, and into Want if I can feel the wind lifting my sails at the thought of doing them. Everything else goes into Should. Then I ignore the Shoulds until there are no Musts left (and if time runs out I bin them all!) and set a time each day after which I only do the Wants. All work and no play, etc.
Sometimes it feels like my head is a very small box with no space to actually see all the stuff crammed in there - getting it out where I can see it and then dividing and conquering seems to help.

If anyone is after box files/expanding files etc Wilkinsons has a new range of stationery in at very reasonable prices. I got a plastic expanding file for £3 the other day.

I am reluctantly coming to the conclusion that I am just too lazy to be really efficient and organised :(

Lidl will have 6-drawer filing cabinets in for £35 at the end of the month if anyone is looking for one.

LOVE the door idea! I think a lot of it is knowing your "style", I am obviously quite visual and need to see things laid out to do them, eg the gas bill on the table is much more helpful to me than a note in a list in a closed notebook in my bag! I would forget the list is there! But it is hard to work that way without creating more clutter. The door is genius!

Re. starting a separate thread for my situation - thanks for the idea and may well do if/when I get time. Outsourcing accounts and admin. isn't really the top priority anyway, as my accounts are v v simple - just never keep up with day to day records. Business admin. is so intertwined with the nature of my job that no one else could really do it.

Housekeeping needs are more desperate. Pay a cleaning agency but the cleaners (who i could only have here once a fortnight on a Sunday) recently left and had only attended sporadically anyway. It was a massive relief NOT to have them here as every time they came, I'd have to get up extra early to clear enough space for them to be able to clean at all!

Haven't yet had time to stop the standing order to the company! (yes it's that bad with lack of time here!) and also desperate at present to save money, not spend more. Need to find a way of getting on top and staying on top of things like laundry and paperwork but just simply no time at all.

Have been up since 3.30am attending to a sick dog and resettling DS2 (who woke with the noise) and now must start my normal working day and already running late!

Every single hour and moment of this day until 9pm is already taken up and that's working flat out to get everything done that must be done - re. work/ school runs/ dog's needs/ children's needs.

It's one of those frustrating days when I know i won't even get time to do dishwasher or urgent urgent work related admin. and likely to feel totally shattered all day though lack of sleep....

Anyway, better get on with it and stop diverting from the main focus of this thread which seems more to do with using the time you have to do the things you avoid rather than not having any time at all!!!!!!!

Solo2 -can you rehome your dog.

Sometimes you are doing them a favour if they go to a home withpeople who have more time to spend on them.

Solo reading your post again..do you stop working when your kids get home? If not, could you? Working from home I know it is easy to never stop, but i think you have to. If, eg, 5pm is the end of your work day and you walk away then and only attend to house and kids then it is just the same as someone coming home from a WOH job. That doesn't make the 5pm-9pm stint any more fun, but there is certainly a chance to squeeze in the housework basics?
Then what I always do, even if I can't face sitting down to a "proper" evening of work is just spend half an hour checking emails, writing a to do list for the next day etc, then it's a bit easier to start the next day.

Caz10, the after school bit is the hardest part of the day and usually completely taken up with DCs needs really. I leave home at 3pm to collect from school. We're usually home by 4.15pm and then I have to encourage/enforce they start HW, whilst at the same time I begin supper for them and supervise the dog.

Sometimes, I have outstanding work calls to make or emails to attend to and never get time as it's so 'full-on' during this period. Usually fights ensure between or with DCs as they're tired and fed up and hungry but need to start HW (they get at least 1 hr a night). They also should practice their musical instruments then too - but usually I'm too tired to enforce this.

Around 5.15pm, I feed them and then they may return to doing HW around 5.30pm or may 'veg' in front of screens. This is my time to unload and restack dishwasher, make those urgent work calls/emails, feed dog, clean cat litter tray and feed cats, find DCs clean clothes for next day and/or Games Kit etc etc.

Basically, it's full on childcare and domestic mostly from then till 9pm when we all finally crash into bed - me exhausted! Used to also fit in a dog walk at 6.30pm but have stopped this now but still need to take dog out to toilet him. The domestic stuff is constantly peppered with demands and needs of DCs (fights /requests for more food etc).

JosieZ - if you look at the Doghouse forum, you'll see several posts from me re. our puppy - full of stress and despair. DCs would be devastated to rehome and we'd all feel like failures. Dog gets masses of attention and input and I've worked on relaxing more about his needs (as supported by Doghouse MNers). Rehoming doesn't feel an option yet he's definitely massive, massively increased my stress, my lack of time and thousands of pounds expenditures (vets bills, 'respite' care when he stays with his trainer etc etc).

Anyway, got to get started on work now.

Has it always been this hard, Solo? I'm imagining that twins would be hard when they're little but that things would get easier when they're old enough to help? How old are they now?Were things ok before you had the dog? You sound very stressed.

Sorry lots of questions...

Solo2 can you use a few minutes to just sit and think?It might be an investment rather than madly "doing". Can you try to think outside the box and look at your life as an outsider looking in - as you know your circumstances in detail and no one else does.Like:

Are Dc's old enough for tasks?
Is the situation one that would improve when dog is older/more trained?
Do you know any local teenagers or students who would like to earn some extra pocket money helping with homework or animal care?I know you need to save money but could you redirect the cleaning company money?
Have you any friends you can trade free time with ( have each others kids one eve a week or something)

Sometimes its worth a planning session.Don't try to go without sleep.Its not the answer,as you know!

lililolo, thank for that idea about putting a to do list as part of life goals. With a couple of additions (to love God - Bible study and prayer time each time, and to be a good wife), I'm going to try that as I can get down with the day to day drudgery of life, which needs to happen each day but isn't immediately very rewarding.

Thanks for the input. Yes, it was even harder when my twins were babies. They didn't sleep more than 20 mins at a time and never at the same time and not through the night at all till they were 5 yrs old! So it IS easier now. However, they seem to have hit 'teenage' stuff v early at age 10 and trying to get them to help out, means accepting we'll waste an hour or more in a dreadful row - so it's not worith it!

Part of the issue too is not having a good starting point - a clear house from which to launch some systems! Quite often, it's because of this that I can't get my DCs to do more - eg they can't access a clear surface in the kitchen to make themselves something, as there's so much clutter - or they can't really tidy their rooms as there's nowhere to put away books/stuff/toys.

I find that if I ask myself - why don't you do X (fill in X with a sensible organisational system), then there's always a concrete practical reasons why I can't - eg "Why not sort and bag old clothes and toys in DCs rooms". As well as there simply being no time, I'd ideally store stuff in the garage ....BUT..

...The garage is full of stuff/junk etc....can't clear the garage till I get time to hire a skip and set aside a couple of days non stop clearing...can't take 2 days off work/children/dog in foreseeable future...and anyway, it's not on my top priority list (so many other things are!) and costs money too...and so defer clearing garage - thus defer clearing junk from DCs rooms - thus defer insisting that DCs tidy their rooms...thus can't access rooms to clean or get a cleaner in....You see how it goes? I seems stuck in this cycle relating to many different areas of my chaotic life!

Another one runs like this: can't sort the dirty laundry into different washes as there's so much clutter/paperwork/stuff now in many of my several laundry baskets and the area I used to put laundry in baskets, prior to washing, is just far far too cluttered and messy....SO....need to clear that area when i get time (which is never)...sort low priority paperwork and clutter from laundry baskets (never get time)....never reaches top of priority list

...SO laundry system not in place and all ready to wash clothes end up on my bedroom floor....SO,,,DCs can't be asked to help with laundry tasks as no system is in place and when i get a tiny moment to do any laundry (only at w/es), it takes longer than it should to find categories of clothes (eg coloureds or whites etc)...

So less gets done and so it accumulates...each load takes 2 hrs to wash and 2 hrs to dry (have v long cycle normal wash washing machine) but can't dry clothes in dryer unless we're in the house, as the pipe from the back of the dryer has to feed out of open window (security risk)...as no time to get someone in to make a permanent exit vent in the wall....so entire wash system is undermined!

I often wish I had 3 weeks free from work, DCs and dog just to get on top of everything and begin a new organised life! But it'll be at least 8 yrs more till the DCs leave home. Dog is already easier than he was (except when he's ill) and should get easier over the next 2 yrs too (he's only 11 months old now).

Re. getting in a teenager to help...the house is so horribly messy and cluttered and not regularly cleaned that it'd be really stressful to let in anyone right now!!

I could stay up later tonight instead of being on MN but as I've been awake since 3.30am and have to get up at 5am tomorrow (and dog may wake me again at 3.30am) am just too tired to do anything but have last browse on MN in bed and then sleep!!!

Solo2 it sounds very overwhelming...and you are exhausted.

Could you get a friend round at the weekend to help encourage you to chuck out some of the clutter? You'll not get it all sorted in one session, but even sorting out the kitchen would make you feel better, and it would be easier to cook.

Get the dcs to find ten things they no longer wear or play with to donate. Our dcs usually vanish for ages with that task as they find all the things they'd forgotten about.

Solo2, I have a teeny suggestion seeing as you mention laundry - do you have a laundrette nearby? I do, and when my washing baskets threaten to overwhelm the upstairs landing I have been known to take the whole lot for a service wash. It was about a fiver but it was money very well spent because it was washed dried and folded and saved me a lot of time. It also meant I had a day or two free from looking at three clothes horses covered in damp clothes, which seem to be a permanent feature in my spare room at the mo.

Solo, one thing that strikes me is the preparing dinner bit.
Now I have suffered for years making supper with children around. So stressful trying to cook and supervise homework, deal with whinging. Often the easier foods that can just be put in the oven or boiled on hob, fried, are quite labour intensive at last minute, although quick and easy in one way. How about just setting aside 2 hours on a Sat, with the kids to make a big batch of something they like, put it into foil trays, put it into freezer. Could be pasta bake with cheese sauce, lasagne, veg stew, minestrone. Then you have planned meals, no washng up etc, which you just bung in oven. Also try paper plates for a week just to get back on track with housework and clearing? Or ALTERNATIVELY convenience food for a week, where you buy everythign (fresh pasta, pre-cooked sauce, pizza, pre-washed salad, pre-made sandwiches) and cook nothing...JUST FOR A WEEK.

Washing. Change your washing machine. It is a false economy to have a washing machine that takes 2 hours! Not possible in this day and age! John Lewis will re-connect and take your old one away. Don't get washer dryer though. I do a lot of washing "express" which takes only 30 mins, and turns around the school uniform which is not that dirty, just needs freshening.

Also, go into kids' rooms with black bin liner and spend 15min with children putting in everything. Just so you feel the space. Then pay your child to hoover the floor. He will enjoy it I promise you! Then get other child to spray polish every cleared surface. He will enjoy it, all boys love spraying polish. Then suggest they put things back just where they want them. Throw clothes in cupboard and sort them later. Reward for children is lovely tidy room. Be positive though, don't talk about MESS just tell children you are going to spend a bit of time turning their rooms into lovely places to be. Perhaps plan wth them to buy a new poster to put on wall afterwards.

ANYJUNK does very convenient timed pickups that mean you don't have to organise a skip. Investigate. I like you find organising skip was impossible object. But this meant I could throw away first wave of obvious large pieces of junk without wasting a full skip. Cost for half a van was about £120. Worth it for my life to be freed up from the overwhelming horror of things I couldn't dispose of. Too heavy, didn't fit in car that sort of thing.

My house is v messy, my children are v unhelpful, I am disorganised, but these things have helped me.

Also, get boys to take their laundry downstairs in a brightly coloured laundry bag, (which is kept in their room at all times) and then when they come home from school, show them how to use the washing machine, and put on their own load in washer. Again, all children like pressing buttons, and putting powder in secret drawers. The rest you can do, but it just is one less thing that you are always responsible for.

Or those giant pop-up laundry thingies from pound shop cost £3? Very light and easy to see what's inside. One for each person.

Only change bottom sheets and pillowcases once a week, turn duvets over so only washing once a fortnight on rotation. Towel for each person that only that person uses for 4 days...kept on door of said person, so less confusion about what is clean and dirty (in our house towels are v confusing and incur so much laundry wasted time so I've instituted that simple system of towel on the door, which person brings to bathroom)

You can't possibly organise everything ALL at once, just try organising one thing differently over next few months, and whether that slowly builds a better system. Certainly trying to get your kids to do all the housework out of the blue is never going to work, and setting up a totally clean and uncluttered house out of blue is not going to happen. So set small goals, just a tiny bit of decluttering here and there, not massive clearouts.

Many thanks everyone. Some great ideas! Didn't realise it was so cheap to get laundry done as the nearby drycleaners charges about £25 per duvet and I often come out with some work clothes cleaned with a bill of £90.00!! So had always assumed laundry service would be extortionate. Must investigate.

Shamefully admit that I v v rarely get to change bedding at all!!! or towels!!!

Re. food/cooking - we often live off ready meals things. This is really because, as well as me having lack of time, the twins are incredibly fussy eaters and won't eat any of the things you can cook and freeze at all. One won't touch any food that's mixed with other food - which wipes out bolognaise/lasagne/coattge and shepherd's pie/casseroles/stews/pies/pasties/homemade soup etc. None of the things most children tolerate are tolerated by him (he has Asperger's traits BTW). The other twin has had a life long sensitive gag reflex (think years of vomiting episodes - like once every 7 to 10 days!). So he'd happily live off plain spaghetti with grated cheese.

Breaded chicken is just about the only meat DT1 will eat (DT2 will eat breaded fish). But recently our oven 'died' and I haven't had any time to find out if it can be repaired and - if so - if someone can come out at a v v specific time ona specific w/e day (unlikely!!). So suddenly all we've got now is a microwave and the gas hob. This has made everyhting harder.

Normally, I end up getting 3 different meals - one vegetarian one for me, a different meal for DT2 (who will accept breaded fish/rice and veg) and a different meal for DT1 - who'll have boiled spag. with grated cheese. This definitely adds to the stress of suppertime but as DTs often come home starving from school - as they don't like most of the meals there (so they'll maybe have bread and cheese only for lunch!), I feel obliged to cater to their appetities at home.

BTW, the washing machine is a John Lewis buy, specially bought for doing massive washes, as I so rarely get time to put on a load. I have space for another machine but again no time in the foreseeable future to buy one and get it plumbed in.

Am only getting time now to be on MN as the DCs have late school hockey today and the dog is still ill - so doesn't need a proper walk. Otherwise I'd not be here!! Have managed to unload and reload dishwasher and take an urgent work call and do an urgemt work letter and eamil, which is good.

Love the idea about the DCs helping with task. Their usual response is verbal abuse and stompin off - so not sure if it'd work. Sometimes I do ask them to make 2 piles of dirty laundry - one whites one coloureds - but they end up putting in once-worn jumpers or something and I then have to re-sort. But should really make this a habit really.

Off to google local laundry services and gas oven repair places now! Thanks again.

There are still people who 'take in' washing and ironing and deliver it back clean and folded. Worth doing that for 3 months, until you're on top of things?

I totally agree with piffpaffpoff's suggestion to take some loads down to the laundrette, we have, in the past, spent 2 or 3 weeks taking two huge bags down to the laundrette per week just to give us some breathing space. The benefit is that it comes back folded and can just be put away (if only we actually did this).
For the last five or six weeks we have taken one black bag of stuff to oxfam and a boot or half a bootful of stuff to the tip. It's amazing what a difference that has made and we've been living with the same slowlygettingworse clutter and a number of unusable rooms for the last 6 years. I think the key is to try and do a tiny bit at a time rather than thinking you have to do it all. Don't even try to do a room or even a whole cupboard, just do a drawer or one shelf or one small bit of kitchen worksurface. It takes a while but eventually it all comes together to make a huge difference, and it doesn't take time that's needed for other things. Literally 5 minutes spent every day will start to make things easier.