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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bring your own drink at parties.

64 replies

loveulotslikejellytots · 01/01/2012 20:43

NYE party last night at a friends house I took a box of Budweiser as that's all I really drink. Only my friend and I were drinking them, she had also brought a box with her.

I noticed after a while that 3 other people were also drinking them, one of them hadn't brought anything with them to drink (fair enough, I don't have a problem with sharing) but the other person and her daughter had brought 1 bottle of red wine (which I know they don't drink). In total out of a box of 12 or 15 bottles of beer I ended up actually drinking 4 because they were all gone by the time I went to get another one. I don't know how many my friend got but she also brought vodka.

Am I being really mean spirited and tight? DH thinks I should expect that at a party.

OP posts:
Hassled · 01/01/2012 20:46

I think your DH is probably right, annoying as it is. It all goes into a general pot and is then a free-for-all. But why someone would bring a bottle of something they don't drink is beyond me - you have to assume it was an unwanted gift they were trying to shift.

AnnoyingOrange · 01/01/2012 20:49

I agree with hassled

DoMeDon · 01/01/2012 20:49

YANBU - yes expect your particular brand to go - some people are cheap and just bring crap along- but there should still be other beer for you to drink- it's off to drink beers all night if you didn't bring any along.

Original poster
loveulotslikejellytots · 01/01/2012 20:51

I understand that, but most of the people at the party were quite good friends. The person and her daughter drinking actually know I don't drink anything else (I always bring my own at parties and gatherings etc). So it annoyed me that they carried on knowing I'd have none left by 10pm. Not really an easy way to aak someone not to drink 'your' drink at a party without looking like a tight arse!

OP posts:
slavetofilofax · 01/01/2012 20:51

I think you do have to expect it to a certain extent.

If you want to make sure you will have enough of what you brought for yourself, your only option is to hide it somewhere.

ShellyBoobs · 01/01/2012 20:55

YANBU.

No issue with sharing but would expect the sharing to be done by someone who'd brought their own, too, and for it to be something that others would also share.

By that I mean that if I'd arrived with some decent quality beer/wine and ended up drinking a different decent quality beer/wine because someone had chosen to drink mine, I'd be ok with that.

It's totally out of order for you to be left with less than a third of what you've arrived with and no suitable alternative due to others arriving empty handed and helping themselves to yours.

Neuromantic · 01/01/2012 20:57

Depends how old you are and what type of party it is. I would expect that any booze brought is given to the host and you partake of it or what it provided...if you are over 30 and not a student, anyway.

Its a bit precious to only drink one particular kind of beer though. Especially if its pisswater Budweiser.

SixtyFootDoll · 01/01/2012 20:58

Yanbu, I always take a bottle or two of red to a party, as it's what I drink. I can't beleive people turned up empty handed.
We had a party last night and I think I have as much wine as I started with thanks to generous mates!

Nagoo · 01/01/2012 21:01

YANBU I'd take what I wanted to drink to a party. Whenever we haost we always make a fair profit of left over booze.

ChunkyMonkeyMother · 01/01/2012 21:05

Hide them in the oven! That's what we used to do, people end up leaving half drunk bottles round and it's a horrible waste so we hide it, either under the sofa or in the oven ha ha

marriedinwhite · 01/01/2012 21:11

If I give a party I provide drinks and food for my guests - usually wine or beer, sometimes some bubbly, in the summer perhaps jugs of Pimms. If they happen to bring a gift of wine, chocolates of flowers that's lovely but I don't expect them to bring anything - they are my guests and they were invited so we could entertain them.

Likewise if we are invited out to a party the drinks and food are provided by the hosts although we would usually take wine, flowers or chocolates (but we wouldn't expect our hosts to open the wine).

Having said that, it's a shame there was nothing else you could drink - in your shoes I might have snaffled a couple of bottles behind a chair if I had clocked what was going on. It does sound a bit greedy but I think I went to my last bring your own party about 25 years ago, when I was about 25.

DialMforMummy · 01/01/2012 21:12

Sorry YABU. It's more convivial to share and I also agree with Neuromantic that it is a bit precious to only drink one brand.
I also find it rude from people to turn up to a BYOB party empty handed. Or any party for that matter.

HandMini · 01/01/2012 21:17

I think convention is that at a normal house party, assuming hosts aren't providing something specific, like punch or mulled wine, I'd expect anything I brought to be free-for-all and i would help myself to a bottle of beer/glass of wine in the kitchen ir whatever, perhaps with s cursory check that that seemed to be what everyone else was doing.

I think some people bring along any old bottle theyve got in their house to get rid of something they wouldn't otherwise drink.

fireandthefury · 01/01/2012 21:17

I don't think YABU.

I was quite embarassed when I had a smallish party and my brother's girlfriend admitted that the two of them had sat and drunk my friend's Peroni all night because it was nicer than the Carling they'd brought with them.

Xmasbaby11 · 01/01/2012 21:25

YANBU

People should be thoughtful about sharing and bring far more than they expect to consume. You would aim to leave behind some booze and/or food, as a bonus to the person kind enough to host the party.

thepeoplesprincess · 01/01/2012 21:26

What a weird thing to say Neuromantic Why the flip do you feel the need to insult someone because they happen to have a preffered brand of beer?

Neuromantic · 01/01/2012 21:27

Thats a weird thing to say? Have you been outside in AIBU much? Hmm

Scholes34 · 01/01/2012 21:29

YABU for drinking Budweiser.

If this was really going to be an issue and you can't drink anything else, you should have set some of your bottles earlier in the evening.

TheAvocadoOfWisdom · 01/01/2012 21:31

yabu. you had 4 ffs. How many were you thinking you'd need?

TheSecondComing · 01/01/2012 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustHecate · 01/01/2012 21:55

That would piss me off so much TSC. I'd drink his 4 cans. Even if I had to force them down, I'd bloody drink them. And god help him if he tried to lift anything else in their place!

Taking your booze back with you is a really rude thing to do. imo, the drink you bring is a gift to your host, which your host then shares with the guests.

PercyFilth · 02/01/2012 00:05

I don't think it's "precious" to stick to one type of drink.

I often drink beer, but I find if I mix different kinds I often get a hangover, which doesn't happen when I have a similar amount of the same beer.

SantieMaggie · 02/01/2012 00:09

this pisses me off too when this happens. most of my friends drink wine or lager so bring that to house parties. i don't drink either so bring something else and other people always end up drinking it instead of what they brought!

lurkinginthebackground · 02/01/2012 00:11

YANBU.
If you offered it to them then fair enough but to take red wine then drink another guests lager is off |I think.

Pandemoniaa · 02/01/2012 00:15

You intended to drink 15 bottles of beer? Blimey. You must have kidneys like a camel.