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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bring your own drink at parties.

64 replies

loveulotslikejellytots · 01/01/2012 20:43

NYE party last night at a friends house I took a box of Budweiser as that's all I really drink. Only my friend and I were drinking them, she had also brought a box with her.

I noticed after a while that 3 other people were also drinking them, one of them hadn't brought anything with them to drink (fair enough, I don't have a problem with sharing) but the other person and her daughter had brought 1 bottle of red wine (which I know they don't drink). In total out of a box of 12 or 15 bottles of beer I ended up actually drinking 4 because they were all gone by the time I went to get another one. I don't know how many my friend got but she also brought vodka.

Am I being really mean spirited and tight? DH thinks I should expect that at a party.

OP posts:

lurkinginthebackground · 02/01/2012 11:57

I don't think it is about the exact number of bottles the op took. She took ENOUGH drink with her for HER needs. Others simply did not. I would be angry if someone drank MY drink and left me with nothing it is puer curtosy (SP?).
I do not drink lager, beer, spirits, red wine, cheap fizzy wine, neither do I drink a lot. However what I do take to a party I expect others to keep their greedy little mits off. If they want to drink say premium brand cider then they should take it themselves.
If the host has an array of drinks then that is quite another matter but taking a bottle of something and then drinking an entirely different drink which they know someone else brought with them to drink is not on, unless they are offered that drink iyswim.

lesley33 · 02/01/2012 12:21

I think everyone should bring something to drink to this kind of party. But if I had seen you bring this amount of beer I would assume it is to share - its a LOT to expect to drink all or most on your own.

PercyFilth · 02/01/2012 12:22

I think sometimes people take unwanted gifts to parties. The bottle of red wine that was mentioned, for example. Perhaps it was a gift or a raffle prize or similar. OP says the person that brought it never drinks red wine. I can see them taking that along, thinking that it was perfectly decent stuff that someone else would enjoy, and that they had made a valid contribution.

lesley33 · 02/01/2012 12:23

And although I would be unhappy at somebody deliberately bringing cheap drink and drinking more expensive stuff, I do expect drink to be a free for all.

PercyFilth · 02/01/2012 12:26

I thought the 12 or so bottles of Bud were brought by OP and her friend together? she just said 'boxes', but I don't know how many bottles to a box. Could be a six- or eight-pack?

Trills · 02/01/2012 12:27

I have never been to a party where it was bring your OWN drink, only a party where it was bring drink to SHARE^.

So YABU unless it was specifically stated that people were expecting to bring drink for themselves and not to share.

lurkinginthebackground · 02/01/2012 12:29

If that's the case then Percy they should only drink what the host provides.
I also think it depends upon the type of party it is. Some hosts provide everything, others very little in a bring your own way, which should be made clear on the invite.
I wouldn't have a problem with someone turning up with a bottle of red wine, even though I don't drink it myself, as a host I tend to buy in what I think others will like to drink.

Trills · 02/01/2012 12:29

YANBU to be annoyed that people were stingy with their offerings though.

Shutupanddrive · 02/01/2012 12:30

YANBU, I would be pissed off too, cheeky buggers

guinealady · 02/01/2012 12:41

I don't drink beer so always had to remind people to bring it to my house at parties if they intended to drink lots of it! (I would always buy a crate of bottles or cans but didn't own a car until recently so was limited to what I could carry back from the shops) - beer always seems to be the thing that runs out first.

I did once take a bottle of wine to a house party but when I got there, decided I wasn't really in the mood for wine. There was a bottle of yummy fruit flavoured cider in the fridge so I ended up drinking that instead, only to discover it was the favourite drink of my friend's girlfriend and the only thing she really drank.

I was mortified and apologised thoroughly - after that I've made sure I take a drink I want to drink whenever I take a bottle to a party!

PercyFilth · 02/01/2012 12:42

I don't think we can impose our own rules, lurking, we don't know what the set-up was. If the drinks were all deposited in a central place, then who would know?

I like the suggestion of hiding your own stash in the oven!

lurkinginthebackground · 02/01/2012 12:47

I was at a bbq once when a similar thing happened and the man whose cider had been drunk (premium brand), other guy had brought shops own, cheap brand lager, nearly came to blows. I found it hilarious but it did cause a very bad atmosphere. The premium cider man demanded to know which greedy t* had drunk HIS cider!!
The "hosts" haven't had another bbq since!

Megatron · 02/01/2012 12:52

You kind of have to expect it to be a free for all at a party but it's downright rude if people turn up with crap or nothing at all.

I have lots of preferred brands but it's never occurred to me that it's 'precious' to only like one brand of beer, it's just a question of taste.

PercyFilth · 02/01/2012 12:53

Thinking about it, I can't remember the last time I was at a party at someone's home - must be years ago! Not counting bbqs which are just small gatherings. Round my way, most people host their parties in pubs.

Flojo1979 · 02/01/2012 13:09

I assume they brought the red wine as a gift offering to the host?
And maybe they thought the host had supplied the Budweiser as there were 2 boxes?
Like ppl have suggested, hide some in a large handbag or carrier bag with your coats, then u can get them later or take them home!

FabbyChic · 02/01/2012 13:11

Id have taken a carrier bag and took them around with me. Sorry but if that's all you drink you should have hidden some.

Original poster

loveulotslikejellytots · 02/01/2012 13:22

The boxes were of 12, I would probably drink 8 or 9 bottles? It's new years! We were told to put all of the drink on the garden table just outside the back door so I can see why someone would think it was a free for all. It would never occur to me to take drinks to a party and hide them for myself, but if I had I might have got more than 4 drinks all night!

I tend to get horrendous headaches from most other drinks. Most bottled lager I'm ok with (corona and bud) which is why I took more than plenty.

OP posts:

BarkisIsWillin · 02/01/2012 13:25

TheSecondComin - if that guy is trotting out the same 4 cans at every party they are probably well past their sell by date. I'd love to pick them up in front of him, announce "gosh, these are best before August 2005" and proceed to dump them

LAlady · 02/01/2012 13:38

We went to a NYE party and I brought 2 bottles of wine - the one I specifically drink as I can't drink some wine without horrendous hangovers. There was an abundance of alcohol available in the kitchen supplied by the hosts but we would always bring drinks with us - it's manners even if you don't drink it. (DH wasn't drinking on NYE).

I must admit I didn't automatically assume it wouldn't be just me drinking it, but then again there were plenty of other options if it was drank by others.

JazzAnnNonMouse · 02/01/2012 14:12

I think it would depend on what happened to the booze ie where it was kept. Some parties have a table and it's a free for all otherwise take what you intend to drink? If you actually intended on drinking 15 beers then I don't think type of alcohol would've affected your hangover!
Yanbu but yabu too...

Slightlytinsellyexpat · 02/01/2012 14:16

Maybe there are three types of parties....

Host provides all drink (some guests bring gifts of wine, chocs, flowers)

Host provides some drink (all guests bring more drink to add to the free-for-all heap)

Host assumes guests will bring and drink their own, and will not provide any shared drinks

I think type 3 parties are for students really. Hadn't been to one of those for decades until a few weeks ago when young colleagues of DH hosted just such a party. Was a bit surprised, and nearly didn't realise that I ought to drink MY bottle only!

In my world type 2 parties are the norm and the OP's Buds would've been subsumed into the general supply.

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 02/01/2012 14:16

we had a new year party and i took 2 big bottles of fizzy drink since i dont drink, dh took beer of some sort. By 9 o clock it was pretty much all gone as most of the other adults had only brought alcohol forgetting that they had also brought their children so anythign non alcoholic (just what i had brought!) had been dished out to the children. I was annoyed but luckily since exactly the same happened last year (and i ended up thirstyfor the evening) I also took a small bottle of drink in my handbag

Chandon · 02/01/2012 14:23

I think whoever hosted the party should have had some beer in too!!!

Slightlytinsellyexpat · 02/01/2012 14:37

Yes, Chandon, they should have had red wine, various whites, beer and lager. They probably wouldn't have expected anybody to be particularly brand-specific though.

PercyFilth · 02/01/2012 14:40

A friend of mine is just like you, OP - can only drink certain bottled lagers without getting a headache, but she can put away plenty with no ill-effects as long as she doesn't mix them.

Certainly don't get these problems at the pub! :)

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