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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know how much more I can take?

55 replies

HorribleDay · 31/12/2011 19:40

2012 has been pretty rough, as has Christmas (another moany thread here...

My mum has just called to talk about my very unwell Nan, who has dementia and is getting progressively worse. As DH and I work in Mental Health, she's leaning on us a lot for support with this. I feel like I was snappy and short with her because I'm so stressed, but didn't explain it very well so she's Not Best Pleased I think.

MIL died in July, discovered on 23rd Dec that beloved FIL has terminal cancer with not long left, at all. He is currently in hospital 4 hour round trip away.

I went to the hospital today with DS (1 year old), alone as DH working nights last night and tonight, where FIL has days, maybe a few weeks at a push left, to discovered ward has Norovirus and hence I could visit but DS couldn't enter the ward. Mananged to get nurse to watch him for 20 minutes while I went in, but FIL very upset not to be able to play with DS other than a few minutes in the hospital corridor. He wants to come home, to die basically.

Get home to very stressed DH - FIL had a trial run at home a few weeks back after being in a community hospital nursing home type thing for 3 weeks because of 'labyrinthitis' and loss of sensation in left side (that'd be the 4 bloody great secondary cancers in his brain then, thanks for that GP who did NOTHING for over 8 weeks bar admit him to nursing home - no investigations, eventual referal to ENT...). This was before we knew about cancer - trial run lasted 6 hours before he fell and hit panic alarm. Hospital knew immediately it wasn't labyrinthitis, hence scans etc and diagnosis.

DH frightened about what will happen when FIL gets home. I feel like crap because I agreed with FIL that we could try to get him home with SS and nursing support.

DH then opens his mail. To find speeding ticket (well, not ticket, but a form he has to fill in to confirm he was driving at the time. Ticket, fine, points etc to come I guess??).

He's now gone to work. DS in bed (thankfully asleep). I am crying. And can't stop. My head is pounding. Am stuck in on my own wondering how much more I can take. But at least I have sounds of the NYE party outside at the pub to keep me company....

AIBU to open the wine now?? I have DS alone tonight and never drink when I'm on my own with him. Ease my guilt over 1 glass, please, fellow Not-Going-Out-MN's????

OP posts:
mumatron · 31/12/2011 19:44

How have you not had a bottle glass of wine yet?

You've all had a tough year, I don't have any advice but you have my deepest sympathies and I really hope 2012 is a much better year.

TommeeTipsy · 31/12/2011 19:45

Go for it lady

Am home alone tonight too with dd's asleep and am having a large sherry. Will be glad to see the back of 2011 too.

TheMonster · 31/12/2011 19:47

The wine is open here and I feel no guilt. You deserve it so go ahead!

Naomii · 31/12/2011 19:47

Get that wine open right now, lovely. So sorry about all you have on your plate right now. 2011 can sod off as far as I'm concerned - let's hope 2012 brings us all some happy times!

destinyorfate · 31/12/2011 19:47

Hey you can easily manage one or two glasses I am sure!

I am sorry things are so hard for you right now.

I am not going out. I am working tomorrow so an early night for me! And I am on my own, same as last year. Next New Year had better be better than this! But I am thankful that my kids are out having fun and I have a roof over my head, and my 'D' (hopefully STBX) H is out! :)

So cheers! and Happy New Year!

hwjm1945 · 31/12/2011 19:48

just have one large glass, then go to sleep, I promise it will all seem a lot btter in the morning. If it deosn ot seem more manageable then, suggest you think about tryng to factor in some rest for yorself, so you do not breakdown under all of this. try not to dring too much as that can be a problem in itself, with hangvoers etc sapping the way you feel and function

MrsMangoBiscuit · 31/12/2011 19:48

What a shitty time you've been having. I'm sorry you've been going through all that. I don't see the harm in one glass of wine, it is New Years after all.
I really hope 2012 picks up for you and you have a much better year.

JamieAngelosMuse · 31/12/2011 19:48

Another vote here for you to get that wine bottle opened pronto. Cheers!

runningwilde · 31/12/2011 19:48

I don't even like wine but I'll have a glass with you x
What a lot to deal with, open and enjoy a glass or two, and I wish you all the best for some peaceful resolutions x

Original poster
HorribleDay · 31/12/2011 19:49

Thanks guys!

On plus side, 2012 CANNOT be any worse....So that's good....!

I have this crazy voice (not a literal hallucination....) that goes for the wine and then thinks 'What if DS sets fire to his cot / falls out of the locked window / an axe murderer breaks in and I am DRUNK in the bed and unable to react?' when I look at wine when DH not here. Sigh. It's one frigging glass (though a bottle wouldn't go amiss, followed up with a valium right now). My neurosis knows no bounds, especially when I'm stressed...

Sorry you''re also relieved to see the back of 2011 TommeeTipsy, and hope 2012 brings happier times.

OP posts:
Original poster
HorribleDay · 31/12/2011 19:51

Xposted there! So, that's 9 votes FOR the wine, 0 votes against...good enough for me :)

1 glass, then bed sounds like a VERY good plan (with a couple of paracetamol, not valium)

OP posts:
Iscreamtea · 31/12/2011 19:51

Have a glass of wine and a jolly good cry. I bet you'll feel better for it.

dottygirl1 · 31/12/2011 19:57

I just posted on your other thread......open the wine....but you have my permission to have two glasses....go on go mad.

Original poster
HorribleDay · 31/12/2011 19:58

It's crazy, I spend my life looking after people who have for one reason or another, suffered immense stress and broken down, or who have pre-existing vulnerabilities to mental illness which stress can bring on, and now lecture on this ... And if I was my patient, I'd ve commanding wine, sleep and a day off. Instead I seem to take more an more on... Which I KNOW is bad. Back to work on Tues...! I think, having seen FIL every day for the past 2 weeks, I might stay at home with DS on monday after visiting tomo (DH won't be safe to drive after a night shift). Much as it won't be restful (I assume most 1 year olds appear to have hyperactivity issues) it will be fun.

OP posts:
Original poster
HorribleDay · 31/12/2011 20:18

Wine open, tears abating, blessings being counted x

OP posts:
marriedinwhite · 31/12/2011 20:24

It will be fine. Have a glass or three. Sorry to hear you are going through all of that.

Northernlurker · 31/12/2011 20:34

Last New Years Eve we were facing the fact that my bil was terminally ill. He died in March. It was incredibly painful and stress laden and I don't like to think about it tbh but I just want you to know that I was sitting in your shoes last year - and this year - well we've lost bil but we came through it and we know he's home safe. You will get through this time. Have a hug Smile

Original poster
HorribleDay · 31/12/2011 20:45

Thank you married and sorry to hear that northern - much as I have no religious beliefs whatsoever, there's a big part of me that thinks at least FIL will be with MIL, somehwhere, which is a comfort - the 'home safe' idea really resonates.

Nothing painful lasts for ever and tears always stop - good think to remember for us at mo :)

OP posts:
Original poster
HorribleDay · 31/12/2011 20:47

But am bloody cross with DH for speeding ticket, and may tell him so tomorrow after his 'good morning night' cuppa...!

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 31/12/2011 22:04

Can he do the course instead? No cheaper than the ticket but saves you getting the points at least.

Original poster
HorribleDay · 31/12/2011 22:16

Hoping so - it was 51 in a 40, long stretch of non residential just after dual carriageway, new speed limit. Hoping that he's not over by too much, think there's some kind of 'minor/major' speeding thing? Will see what they send him when he's filled in the 'Yep It Was Me' form....!

At least he's less raging at himself now judging by text he's just sent from work (which is good as A & E only has 1 psych liaison nurse tonight - which is him....)

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 31/12/2011 22:29

Oh crumbs - psych nursing in A&E on NYE? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

My dh got one recently too - bloody cross with himself. His was 81 I think in a 70 and he's doing teh course.

Original poster
HorribleDay · 31/12/2011 22:33

Eeeeekkk indeed - it will be Hellish! If he's lucky he might have a very newly qualified doc with him.... He did Christmas Night, Boxing Night, last night an tonight. Next year he gets both off (she says hopefully...) - all have been hugely busy.

Good to know about the speed course - fingers crossed (and he can take me for lovely dinner in return for me having a day of work tocare for DS while he does it - we split childcare between us) - the everyone's happy :-)

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 31/12/2011 22:43

Dinner sounds like a plan Grin

Original poster
HorribleDay · 31/12/2011 22:48

Yep, we're having our Christmas dinner in June I think when life has settled down a bit! Surviving on sandwiches and snacks at the mo with all the travelling - except DS who has copious amounts of satsumas (he's obsessed with them bizarre child, more sour the better...)

OP posts: