To not know how much more I can take?

[HorribleDay]

2012 has been pretty rough, as has Christmas (another moany thread here...

My mum has just called to talk about my very unwell Nan, who has dementia and is getting progressively worse. As DH and I work in Mental Health, she's leaning on us a lot for support with this. I feel like I was snappy and short with her because I'm so stressed, but didn't explain it very well so she's Not Best Pleased I think.

MIL died in July, discovered on 23rd Dec that beloved FIL has terminal cancer with not long left, at all. He is currently in hospital 4 hour round trip away.

I went to the hospital today with DS (1 year old), alone as DH working nights last night and tonight, where FIL has days, maybe a few weeks at a push left, to discovered ward has Norovirus and hence I could visit but DS couldn't enter the ward. Mananged to get nurse to watch him for 20 minutes while I went in, but FIL very upset not to be able to play with DS other than a few minutes in the hospital corridor. He wants to come home, to die basically.

Get home to very stressed DH - FIL had a trial run at home a few weeks back after being in a community hospital nursing home type thing for 3 weeks because of 'labyrinthitis' and loss of sensation in left side (that'd be the 4 bloody great secondary cancers in his brain then, thanks for that GP who did NOTHING for over 8 weeks bar admit him to nursing home - no investigations, eventual referal to ENT...). This was before we knew about cancer - trial run lasted 6 hours before he fell and hit panic alarm. Hospital knew immediately it wasn't labyrinthitis, hence scans etc and diagnosis.

DH frightened about what will happen when FIL gets home. I feel like crap because I agreed with FIL that we could try to get him home with SS and nursing support.

DH then opens his mail. To find speeding ticket (well, not ticket, but a form he has to fill in to confirm he was driving at the time. Ticket, fine, points etc to come I guess??).

He's now gone to work. DS in bed (thankfully asleep). I am crying. And can't stop. My head is pounding. Am stuck in on my own wondering how much more I can take. But at least I have sounds of the NYE party outside at the pub to keep me company....

AIBU to open the wine now?? I have DS alone tonight and never drink when I'm on my own with him. Ease my guilt over 1 glass, please, fellow Not-Going-Out-MN's????

Hi both, hope your day has been ok!

Got FIL home tonight (which is a relief in more ways than 1 as he was at Stepping Hill, and at one point was on the ward in the news today). SS have been amazing an set up x 4 visits per day from carers, meals on wheels and a personal alarm call thing which is a relief! He's at a fairly high risk of seizures or, if the brain tumors encroach ona blood vessel, a massive stroke. Still waiting on biopsy results to maybe get small amount of palliative radiotherapy. I'm doing the weekend visits while DH works nights - glad carers going in too as frankly terrified of arriving to find him seriously unwell or worse - despite having dealt with death for 12 years, and being a nurse lecturer, it's bloody terrifying.

We're all doing OK. Have lovely mates who, while mostly far away, are v supportive and it's so helpful to vent on here and receive the amazing support I have. It is VERY much appreciated.

DS is wide awake as we were driving back from 5.30-7 so he's slept the whole way...and now won't sleep! But nice to have some playtime albeit totally out of routine!

Thank you both for checking in and hope all is well xxxx

I think looking after patients is totally different from looking after your own family.

Sounds like you're doing a great job and I'm sure your FIL is very appreciative

Glad you're getting SS help

Just checking in to see how you're doing.,,glad you've got the care package in place. Hope things get better soon. Thinking of you.

I had a similar issue with visiting wards when my Dad was dying. I had visited at lunchtime with baby DS, chatted to nurses, and a doctor, no one said there was a problem with us being there. When I came back for afternoon visiting I was told they had an infection on the ward and children/pregnant/nursing mothers were banned! It was really upsetting as it was due to be the last time I saw him before he went in for brain surgery, and I ended up only getting about 10 minutes, while my brother looked after DS outside. It really does suck, you have much sympathy from me.

Thanks guys. All quiet here at the mo, had a day off today and went for long lazy lunch with DS and a mate, got a new tattoo, crelaxing this evening the heading over to FIL all day tomo. Care package in place and working so far thank goodness.

Thank you so much for the good wishes (and wine - opening a bottle after bathtime ;) )

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