about my meal plans for New Year's Day?

[roastparsnipsandbrusselsprouts]

My dparents hosted Christmas and I had them over to ours for Boxing Day.

I have also invited them to ours for New Year's Day and have invited my dbrother as well as the rest of his family will be abroad.

It was agreed, months ago, that I would cook a traditional Scottish dish (Stovies for those who know what that is) for the meal and keep it all fairly relaxed and informal.

The difficulty is that the dcs and I are vegetarians and I am planning to cook vegetarian stovies. I didn't think this was an issue as Stovies is basically potatoes and onions and beef/veggie equivalent cooked down to a mush served with oatcakes and beetroot. I doubt you could discern the difference between a veggie one and a beef one.

On Christmas day dmum suggested she make beef stovies and bring them along on New Year's Day but I politely declined, pointing out how little difference there was in a veggie/meat version.

Today she has insisted that she cook a meat one. When I tried again to decline her offer she pushed it further saying dbrother rarely got Stovies and he would want them to be nice.

I am struggling with other issues just now and this was the last straw. I pointed out to her that she was basically cooking her own meal to eat at mine because mine would be rubbish and then burst into tears. She didn't deny that mine would be rubbish or apologise for upsetting me or anything. She just left it.

AIBU to be offended? If I was invited to someone else's house and they were serving a meal that didn't offend my principles in any way I would just eat it, even if it wasn't served exactly the way I was used to it being done. My own Mother has brought me up to behave this way.

Good - problem sorted

I also think that because you find meat gross, you are perhaps jumping to the conclusion that other people are judging your vegetarian Cooking as gross, which then upsets you

Might be helpful to depersonalise it a bit. Many peoples views on meat eating/ vegetarianism / veganism etc have nothing to do with anything being gross

Yes, I think callmemrs is right there. I am happy to eat things that don't happen to include meat and don't regard them as "vegetarian". But when it comes to a dish in which meat is traditionally a principal ingredient, I expect it to be made with meat and wouldn't want a substitution. I would rather have something else altogether. Think somebody made a similar point earlier.

Blimey OP - you have changed your stance after posting in AIBU? You are a higher being indeed

Bloody hell op chilllll outttt

Yabvu and a drama queen - they like meat and want meat ones. They don't try and force you to eat meat so why all the fuss that they want meat ones rather than veg ones? You are offended?! you need to chollax love

You were not bu. I am also veggie and wouldn't allow meat in my house. It stinks. You have done a very conciliatory thing by allowing dm to bring her corpse stovies. I hope she and db recognise that. Happy new year when it comes.

euphemia belated thank you :)

Stovies sound utterly revolting with or without meat. According to google images its either a runny thin stew or something that looks like babyfood! I'm obviously missing something crucial as I'm not feeling the stovie love :)

Stovies are great comfort food, in that squishy way of cottage pie.

Surely the crux of the issue is if you are having people over you cater to THEIR tastes and want to please your guests? If you cant do that be perfectly happy for them to bring food they would like to eat? I mean ffs I quite enjoy a Fray bentos tinned pie- I wouldn't try to inflict it on everyone else!

I don't think YABU. Your DM has prioritised her need to eat meat at one meal over your feelings. And not apologised when you told her how you felt and cried . I think that's crappy.

Hmmm. I think when you said but mine will be as good, your mom should have dropped it. She knows you do not like meat in the house. It won't kill anyone to eat something they may not be crazy about one time.

It reads as though it is the brother's preferences that are being catered to. The OP has already entertained the parents with a meat-free meal on Boxing Day, and her mother has provided her with vegetarian food on Christmas Day.

The issue seems to be the comment that brother "rarely gets Stovies and he would want them to be nice."

Now if that's what mum said, I think it is just an unfortunate choice of words. I can quite understand that if stovies is a favourite dish of bro's, and he doesn't get to eat it often he would want the real thing and not a substitute.

Personally I think if you're having people over, you cook what you like cooking and want to eat (because then you're more likely to cook it well and with low stress levels), and they eat and appreciate it. I'd never suggest to a friend what they might cook for me, or offer to bring my own, unless it was a pot-luck sort of event where everyone is asked to bring food.

Well, thanks for your opinions everyone.

Everyone came, ate, seemed to have a good time and a good laugh.

I did have a few squeamish moments once the stovies were hot and I had to transfer them into a dish for the table (put me off my own food) but I put a smile on it for the sake of everyone else.

I also had a few problems with the dishes but dh was quick to think of that and had it dealt with while I did other jobs.

Happy New Year everyone