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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Urgent advice needed don't know where to turn

63 replies

Mrswhiskerson · 29/12/2011 22:56

I have posted before about dhs depression and it has gotten worse , he punched the wall today and completely mashed his hand he has been literally begging the doctor for help and counselling but getting nowhere ,

I just need to know where I can take him for urgent help this has gone on long enough and we will splitsoon as I can't take any more I know that may sound selfish but the constant negativity an worry and arguments are wearing me down , I hve been having panic attacks and feeling constantly sick.
He sometimes smokes weed and that is the only thing that makes him happy but I will not accept it and he has quit but he needs serious help and the docs keeps sending him away ,
is there anyone else we can turn too? Before something really terrible happens , I think he might be on his way to a nervous breakdown
ps he is nit sleeping at all either.
Sorry for terrible grammar

OP posts:

foreverondiet · 29/12/2011 23:01

"Mashed his hand" - sounds like A&E would be a good place to start.

Otherwise see GP tomorrow morning both together, make a list of what you plan to saw before you go in. And don't let them them turn you away.

frownieface · 29/12/2011 23:02

If he is a danger to himself or you go straight to a&e.

AnyoneforTurps · 29/12/2011 23:03

Have you been to a GP appointment with him? If he is really begging for help, I'm surprised he hasn't been referred for counselling. Are you sure that he is really telling the GP the full story?

You can contact his GP and tell him/her how worried you are. You don't need our DH's permission to do this, though the GP can't tell you anything back without his permission.

Hope things get better soon.

ItWasABoojum · 29/12/2011 23:04

Go to a different GP. Go with him, and explain things - if he's feeling very low he may not be able to really articulate how bad things have got, and if he has one of those doctors who hates prescribing antidepressants he needs to be really firm. You're right to insist he stays off the weed - it can help in the short term but ime makes things worse eventually.

Finally, if he's punching the wall like that he's clearly not in control - if you fear for your safety at any point you HAVE to get out of the house. Is there somewhere you can go if it comes to that? It's not selfish to keep yourself safe - in fact if you do leave it might give him the push he needs to turn a corner. Good luck.

2kidsintow · 29/12/2011 23:05

I agree. Hospital. Now.

And press the mental health aspect.
See if he can seek care under the mental health act.

Good luck.

BastedTurkey · 29/12/2011 23:07

There used to be a mental health nurse / psychiatrist on-call for walk in centres and A&E for serious cases.

I'm not sure if this still happens but it sounds like you need help that the GP is not providing.

squeakytoy · 29/12/2011 23:07

Are his parents nearby? or any siblings? Can any of them come over?

BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers · 29/12/2011 23:08

Look on the MIND website. They used to have a crisis number. They might be able to help.

Hope he and you are OK.

Yourefired · 29/12/2011 23:09

Sorry you're going through this. When you say he's not sleeping at all, can you describe further? How long has this been going on, how many hours is he averaging, is he agitated and not tired?

AnyoneforTurps · 29/12/2011 23:11

If he is calm now and you feel safe, I wouldn't recommend going to A&E now (at least about his mental health issues - the hand may need treatment). You will probably be seen by a very junior doctor with no psychiatric training and you will not be able to access a proper psychiatric assessment at 11pm. I say this having worked in A&E for 8 years. At best you will see a liaison MH worker who won't be able to follow your DH up, whereas what he needs is long-term counselling with someone he can trust.

Provided - as I say - your DH & family are safe tonight, ring your GP surgery 1st thing tomorrow and insist on an appointment.

randommoment · 29/12/2011 23:11

Get to a different GP asap. He is 'a danger to himself and/or those around him' (quote from the Mental Health Act as best as I can remember it). He obviously wants the help, but Mental Health has the crappest budget of all the bits of the NHS and you're going to have to fight to get it.
Also get in touch with MIND, who may be more able to help than us lot.

MixedBerries · 29/12/2011 23:17

Oh no. I really sympathise and have some experience of this myself. Mind (the charity) can be quite useful. Here they explain the options available in crisis situations and more generally...www.mind.org.uk/help/medical_and_alternative_care/crisis_services. A bit wordy though and not very practical in the immediate time frame. SANE also have a helpline www.sane.org.uk/what_we_do/support/. They do seem to be open over the holidays. Try calling them now. If you have no luck, you could try NHS direct. Good luck and my thoughts are with you. If you need any more support, pop back on...

CowboysGal · 29/12/2011 23:19

It's a crying shame that people are made to wait on lists for counselling when they go to their GP for help. In some areas there a charities who will provide counselling for those in need without waiting lists...what area are you in? Perhaps somebody on here is aware of a place he can go to for help while he is waiting for the GP to get things moving? Also, if you haven't already done so maybe posting in Mental Health section will get some ideas from people who have been through similar

AnyoneforTurps · 29/12/2011 23:21

Don't get too focused on the Mental Health Act. From what you have written, it is extremely unlikely that your DH would be eligible for treatment under it - the rules are very strict. Punching walls is actually very common - I used to see at least 2 men a day who'd done it when I worked in A&E. There is no way that a patient would be admitted under the MHA simply for having punched a wall in frustration (I have a law degree as well as being a doctor - just can't resist exams )

Your DH definitely needs help asap but the MHA is a red herring in this situation. But that doesn't stop you accessing urgent help - get him to your GP tomorrow and go with him.

FabbyChic · 29/12/2011 23:21

Weed is a natural depressant it can actually cause depression and mental illness the effects are long term. however like any drug he has become addicted he can't just stop and needs help to. Depression is a selfish illness and all he will be able to see are his own problems.

OneLieIn · 29/12/2011 23:21

Start with an urgent GP appointment. Write down the things you need to tell the GP and read the list when you are in the appointment.

Good luck.

olgaga · 29/12/2011 23:31

You say don't whether you have children. Is there somewhere you can go? It sounds like you may be in danger.

It also doesn't sound as though you're going to be able to help him, you have tried a long time. I'm sure I remember one of your earlier threads. At some point you have to consider the effect this is having on you!

Original poster

Mrswhiskerson · 29/12/2011 23:32

He is in a and e now with our best friend , his brother is going to see him tommorow as I have to work ( I really can't stay off we desperately need the money and it's our only income)
the doctor does refer him for counselling but four times now no appointment has come through and dh keeps going back but to no avail.
The medication he is on is not really helping and the dr will not up the dose because dh has a history of drug abuse (fifteen years ago and he went managed to keep off them apart from occaisonally smoking weed)
his hand is most likely broken and I know he would not hit ds or IBut he is in so much pain mentally it breaks my heart I love him so much he has so much to offer the world and is an amazing dad despite the problemswe have ds is a happy child and thriving and a lot of that is dh ds adores his dad but I am worried about the effect thiswill have on him,
dh can't really talk to his parents at the minute because this has gone on so long they snapped at him today and said some awful things in the heat of the moment which is how this all occurred but they are really worried about him too.
He is always tired but when he gets to bed us mind is racing and he wakes frequently through the night after taking hours to drop off.
I am off soon and will not leave that gp until something is done.

OP posts:

partytights · 29/12/2011 23:35

A&E. They can get someone to look at him if he's deemed a danger to himself or others

MixedBerries · 29/12/2011 23:37

Hope you get some decent help. Lots of distant support here if it's needed. Good luck.

randommoment · 29/12/2011 23:39

Oh OP heart going out to you. Wish I could say anything useful.

GypsyMoth · 29/12/2011 23:42

Well it's you bringing the mOney in and paying for his weed. You are in a position to put a stop to that.

I agree with what another poster hotheads said. Punching a wall isn't going to get him a referral for much.

He will be home soon, what then?

GypsyMoth · 29/12/2011 23:42

*hotheads?? Should read 'upthread'

AnyoneforTurps · 29/12/2011 23:49

Are you sure the counselling appointments are not coming through? It sounds to me that you only have your DH's word for what the GP has said/done and only his word that he is not getting counselling appointments. Are you sure he is not just ignoring them?. People with long-term depression and substance misuse issues are often fearful & ashamed which makes it difficult for them to express their needs or access help. There is no reason why someone with a history of drug use cannot have high dose antidepressants so are you sure his GP has really said that?

I understand why you can't go to tomorrow's appointment but try to go to future ones because I suspect that your DH is not giving you or his GP the full picture.

floweryblue · 29/12/2011 23:50

You are not being selfish.

Get him to a GP, attend with him and follow up appointment offers, it could be that your DP has missed help that may have been offered to him. He could also have down-played his problems so that he is not being prioritised.

You can only do your best MrsW.

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