Urgent advice needed don't know where to turn

[Mrswhiskerson]

I have posted before about dhs depression and it has gotten worse , he punched the wall today and completely mashed his hand he has been literally begging the doctor for help and counselling but getting nowhere ,

I just need to know where I can take him for urgent help this has gone on long enough and we will splitsoon as I can't take any more I know that may sound selfish but the constant negativity an worry and arguments are wearing me down , I hve been having panic attacks and feeling constantly sick.
He sometimes smokes weed and that is the only thing that makes him happy but I will not accept it and he has quit but he needs serious help and the docs keeps sending him away ,
is there anyone else we can turn too? Before something really terrible happens , I think he might be on his way to a nervous breakdown
ps he is nit sleeping at all either.
Sorry for terrible grammar

Plus bad depression can render you almost totally immobilised - hard enough to get up the stairs (even putting the kettle on is a step too far sometimes) much less fling yourself about.

Hope you're having a quiet and restful NYE MrsW x

Big hugs to you all for the NY Mrs W, I hope you & your DH find the peace you deserve in 2012.

Good luck Mrs W and Mr W. xxx

Thank you all so much For the lovely new years wishes

dh and I have talked a lot of things through and dh said it has dawned on him the effect his anger has had on the family, he said every time he looks at his hand the fact he did that to himself and can no longer look after ds has really shaken him and he feels like he has punched a lot of anger out.

But he does know that he has to go for counselling and I am
going to go for some too , it seems that breaking his hand is the best thing that has happened for a while even though that night was horrendous , I have never seem dh so calm and positive for a long time.
We will take it day by day but for the first time in a long time I really believe things are going to get better.

And finally the money that may have been spent on weed or drink in the past is getting put towards hobbies and days out for ds we have both gone teetotal and it is a clean helthy start to the new year.

Again thank you all so
much fir the great advice and support I can not thank you all enough for supporting me now and in the past when I felt totally alone x

Sometimes things have to hit rock bottom before they can get better Mrs W, if your DH has had the wake-up call he needs then good, even though it was really awful at the time.

The fact that you are being so supportive, by going tee-total with him & planning fun family things so you can both enjoy your DS, will be a great spur to keep him on the upward path I'm sure. Good idea about the counselling too, you both need suppport.

Great positive start to 2012 for you both, onwards & upwards as they say!

There comes a point when you realise yo're on your own and, believe it or not, you have to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. yy, runs contrary to all perceived wisdom about depression but this was my experience and many I know who have suffered from depression. Depression can make you feel quite passive - "Help!!" - but you have to get to the point where you realise you have to help yourself. It probably shouldn't be like that but MH services in this country are shockingly bad. I say 'this country' but tbf it's probably a whole lot better than some countries

I'm so glad to hear you've turned a corner OP - wonderful.

Hi I was wondering if anyone can help me with recent developments, the last few days have been great we have had friends over no arguments a positive dh and then today he goes to his parents as he can't look after ds they wind him right up keep on and on at him and when I ring him on my break he is in a right state feels unwanted wound up and told me the first thing he wanted to do was have a drink or a smoke (he didn't)
I have spent the rest of the day at work with a massive knot in my stomach couldn't focus on my job and all I can think is if his parents keep winding him up and he does turn to drink I will not be able to carry on in the relationship
tbh I feel like telling the lot of them to fuck off , I'm trying my very best to be supportive but I reached my limit a long time ago and if he does have a drink I think I will hate him even though I know recovery is not as simple as that iyswim?
I have been left with all the housework cooking because he can only use one hand and going out to work as I am the only one bringing in a income it's really unfair I am in knots over what I am
going to come home too as well.

Oh no Mrs W, after your last positive post too, how frustrating for you.

Why/how does he get wound up by his parents?

Take comfort from the fact that he told you he FELT like smoking/drinking but he didn't that's a good sign, he's sharing his feelings about it but not acting on it IYSWIM?

I can see how you need the PIL's support with your DS, maybe you need to have a talk with them and ask them to back off and be a bit more supportive? Or are they not receptive to that sort of thing?

Would they be able to come over to yours and help with a bit of housework/ironing while they help your DH look after DS?

You're doing brilliantly, there are bound to be setbacks like this,it must be so hard.

I don't really mind the housework as such it is the Mental stress that I find really hard to deal with ,
he said as soon as he got there they started going on and on at him even when he asked them to stop , he said he had had a good few days and wanted to stay positive but it was like they wanted him to go off it he ends up biting my head off over something stupid while I was on the phone and I have spent the rest of the day in knots over what I am going to co
e home to , could be that I am over reacting but this last year has been a nightmare and even the smallest thing now has me anxious and feeling sick.
I can't live a life like this the smallest argument now leads me to feeling physically sick and with pains in my chest.

They probably wouldn't listen to meand I don't quite know what they are tryi g to do , I think they have had enough of the stress too and it seems they have had enough and can't deal with it anymore and are angry at him, they are lovely people and very supportive but ithink they are having their own problems it's just a big mess.

Mrs W I really feel for you. Your Dh needs to get anti-depressants ASAP.

I'm sure he means it when he says he wants to change, but (I have been told by my Dr and several MH professionals) depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain so even with the best intentions he may not be able to change without medication.

I have been on ADs on and off for about 12 years now. I used to get to a point when I thought I didn't need them anymore and stop taking them and I would just relapse. Now I have come to the realisation that I need to take them all the time to balance my brain chemicals I'm OK, and I'm sure your DH will be too.

Hi MrsW. Sounds like a rollercoaster (which is normal). Did you manage to get a GP app?

I agree with BillBrysonsRucksack. I don't think your DH is going to be able to do this without antidepressants. He may well want to change, but it's a near-impossible task without help. Don't expect too much from your PIL, it sounds as though they are fed up with the whole situation - presumably there is a whole back-story here from before you were on the scene.

If you haven't already done so, you need to make an appointment with his GP. Tell the receptionist/triage nurse (whatever system your GP has) you will need a long appointment, that it's urgent, that you are extremely worried about his mental health and the effect it is having on your family. Go with him.

This is your only hope, I'm afraid. Your only other choice is to bail out with your son while you can.