Urgent advice needed don't know where to turn

[Mrswhiskerson]

I have posted before about dhs depression and it has gotten worse , he punched the wall today and completely mashed his hand he has been literally begging the doctor for help and counselling but getting nowhere ,

I just need to know where I can take him for urgent help this has gone on long enough and we will splitsoon as I can't take any more I know that may sound selfish but the constant negativity an worry and arguments are wearing me down , I hve been having panic attacks and feeling constantly sick.
He sometimes smokes weed and that is the only thing that makes him happy but I will not accept it and he has quit but he needs serious help and the docs keeps sending him away ,
is there anyone else we can turn too? Before something really terrible happens , I think he might be on his way to a nervous breakdown
ps he is nit sleeping at all either.
Sorry for terrible grammar

Have you been to the GP with your husband?

When my husband was having a nervous breakdown after his dads suicide, I went with him, as he knew he would clam up and be unable to really tell the GP how he was feeling. GP's are not mindreaders, and can only do so much reading between the lines too in a five minute appointment, so if you can go and speak too to tell the GP how bad things are, you may get quicker results.

If he is depressed and in danger of causing harm to himself or others he should be able to get mental health support.

Ask at the hospital to be refered to Mental Health team, also doctors surgeries sometimes have this facility.

Once you get into this system there is alot of help available.

He won't be deemed a danger to himself for mashing a hand up. From what I've observed in f&f you pretty much need a failed suicide attempt before you're taken seriously as an acute case.

Make an urgent appt with your GP tomoz. Best wishes to you both.

He toldthe nurse about punching the wall through frustration and anger and also about his deprssion but I haven't spoke to him since he is waiting for the x ray, he has quit weed he really dies want to get better and that's why he quit he recognises he has a problem and really does want help but is illness is too severe for me to deal with alone and what gets him down more is the guilt over the problems his illness has caused even though it is an illness he is not a horrible person , it's just gone untreated for so long
their is a different gp every time we go to the doctors so there hasn't been any one person he can see continually , one lady dr was amazing but is not thereall the time .

We have had a rough year, ds almost diedthrough a illness I got made redundant and dh couldn't work due to his illness which was t helped by bullying at work. to top it off I had pnd at the start of the year, dh took ds ilness really hard (as did I) it has been one thing after another and with his mh being the way it is that has made it harder for him to cope with it all.
I desperately wanted this year to be a fresh start for us all and I'm determined to make it happen , I just wish it wasn't so hard getting the help we need.

Sorry
my post is a bit rambly stress and tiredness is getting to me a bit.

anyoneforturps I was with him at the appointment when the dr said he wouldn't give him a high dose this is also why he won't give him sleppi g tablets even though he obviously needs them.

Thank you everyone for your support you have all been incredibly kind and it has helped feeling I have people to talk to iyswim?

No probs MrsW we're here to be dumped on when needed! Hope you get some sleep.

Ah sleeping tablets are a different matter. They are highly addictive and also often stop working if you use them for more than about 10 days at a time. It's miserable for your DH not to be able to sleep but his GP would be doing him no favours if he ended up addicted to sleepers. It may not feel like it, but his GP is doing the right thing. However there is no reason why he can't have antidepressants.

And he needs to see the same GP consistently. If you book in advance, you should be able to see the GP of your choice. If he waits till he has a crisis then rings for an emergency appointment then it's not surprising he sees someone different every time.

He can ask to see the psychiatric nurse on call while at hops tonite. They have questionnaire they will go thru with him. Then gp should follow up.
He can also ask for referral to crisis team so when he feels it building up he can call them.

He may not intend to harm you or dc but a fist to a wall or door could connect with a human by accident. He needs to really insist with gp for counselling referral.

You can always call 999 if he is out of control at home. Don't be afraid to do so it cld get him the help he needs.

You can also refuse to have him home so they have to admit him.

Depends how he presenting between bouts of anger /depression. But if he manifesting with anger 24/7 and is "out of it " then refuse to have him home and have him ask for voluntary admission.

Not clear how bad he is really but could he stay with someone else tonite so you have a break from the anger ?

You should also get a gp appointment for yourself and tell all to gp coz if you go under too where will your ds be?

He sees the gp around every two weeks for follow on appointments but the only docs near us doesn't have a regular doctor so you never know who your going to get.

The anger manisfests when he has been sitting stewing on things and is tired , I come home from work he is snappy and irritable and I can't help but argue back because he is having a go at me for the slghtest reason which then ends up in a full blown argument I will normally say don't dare talk to me like that or some such he will say I'm being a dick and it goes round and round in circles, It isnot often it leads to him punching something but recently it has happened more and more he will storm off to punch something and I do not react well to this at all as I grew up with a abusive stepdad who blew up for the smallest reasons and beat up my
mum on a regular basis in front of us and I vowed to myself I would never let a man treat me like that ever, so even though people have said I should ignore his outbursts I really can't and on the other hand why the fuck should I put up with verbal abuse because I'm scared of the reaction I might get?

After he has stormed off or punched something or whatever I will find him in floods of tears disgusted at himself , his eyes are black with the lack of sleep and he has lost almost three stone due to not being able to sleep .

He has badly broken his hand and has been saying how he hates himself for putting us all through this and says he has had a massive wake up call but as long as his depression is treated I can't see how things will get better and as much as it would kill me I will have to leave him.

Is there anything I can get to help over the counter? Vitamins , books anything at all??
Ds is going to stay with his grandma for a few days whilst dh and I see the gp and try to get things sorted.

I know by what I have written people will think dh is awful but I think it really is the illness he has making him like this because it has totally changed him I'm hoping anyone Reading this who might have had depression will understand that an not just think he us a twunt.

I remember posting on your last thread Mrs W.

Couple of steps:

• A&E out of hours, ask to see Liaison Psychiatry. Will be a MH nurse, possibly Junior psychiatrist. They CAN follow up depending on local service provision, or can refer to the Crisis and/or Home Treatment Team....

• ... Who the GP can also refer to. They are a rapid response (within 24 hours) service who can see you up to 4 times daily for up to 4 weeks (again local provision varies slightly but all areas have this service). They provide medication, medical reviews, intensive nursing and psychosocial support (Inc brief counselling) for you and DH.

• You can request a Mental Health Act assessment as his wife and nearest relative. Even if GP disagrees, you are entitled to have this formal assessment take place, with 2 section 12 approved doctors and 1 approved mental health worker (usually a social worker). They CAN forcibly admit to hospital on the grounds of risk to self or others, or can arrange voluntary admission, or refer to HTT or Crisis.

• You need to disused openly and honestly the risk that he currently poses (breaking hand, any suicidality), high level of acute and chronic distress, impact on you and DS and risk of under treated depression.

Good luck and feel free to PM me - have been working in MH for a LONG time :-)

x

Disused?? Discuss!

Also you may wish to seek some support for yourself - MIND have lots of links to local carer support an counselling.

I see someone has suggested Mind. They are fabulous.
There will be a local emergency mental health team in your area. They can be hard to locate but they are there to help.
My DP suffers with mental health issues and has been to A&E in the past and sat there until he was taken in. I know your DH probably won't do this, but you could maybe take him to get his hand seen to and talk to them about admitting him.
My DP has always found time in the mental units helpful as he gets the help he needs and the time away from real life.

Htt and crisis can also arrange voluntary admission of MHA assess. In most areas GP's now can't do this without MHA assess or referal to HTT first.

Other option is to ask GP for URGENT referral to Community Mental Health Team if situation not so urgent (tho sound like it is TBH)

You aren't going to get better advice than you have had from HorribleDay.

I'm sorry you are going through this but I would counsel you to deal with this asap. You know the effect dysfunctional family life has had on you and you cannot allow this to be repeated for your ds. Your DH needs help urgently and providing it works and there is never ever a repetition of the drugs things may work out. It is doesn't work and he relapses in relation to the drugs I think you have your answer.

At present it's one day at a time but in my opinion every day needs to be a little better. You say your DS had a serious illness - were none of your problems picked up by hvs, ss at that point? You have to get help from every quarter you might find it to get you through this whatever the outcome.

H d gave good advice.

Forget over the counter he needs real stuff.

But. Also turn it around to the impact on you so when you see gp tell gp you and ds can no longer cope. So long as you "putting up" there is less reason for them to do anything.

Me refusing to allow (now ex)p home got him voluntarily admitted.

Calling 999 when he is punching Walls can bring ambulance and police but gets the action you need. Good luck with gp but tell it as it is from your perspective

No, you should not have to put up with verbal abuse and neither should your DS - whatever the reasons behind it :(

I wonder if it might be easier if he moved out temporarily? You would not have to stop supporting him but at the same time it's not right that you are having to go through this, and I'm sorry, but it is damaging to DS to witness it. They could still have a relationship of course and if you are on good terms and he's not going through a bad patch he could come round every day, even, but I just think it might help give you both a bit of breathing room. As harsh as it sounds, it is his issue to deal with and if he is really disgusted with himself as you say about the way he acts towards you he will accept this as a fair solution.

Agree contact all the charities and organisations mentioned to get advice and google for services in your local area, too. You can't deal with this on your own. Also perhaps some kind of rehabilitation service? It does sound overkill I know, but Fabby is right about the weed - although he's using it to self medicate overall it's more likely to be doing more harm than good, because although it starts off making you feel happy, once you get into the pattern of using it in this way, the part of your brain which controls mood comes to rely on the drug and when it's not there, you can't feel truly happy.

Good luck.

I am not surprsied that counselling has not happened yet. I was refered 18 months ago for CBT from my GP and my Diabetic Consultant chased aswell. Assessed 12 months ago and told appointment maybe in 6 months time. 12 months later, I am 23rd on the list !!!

I don't understand why he hasn't been prescribed anti-depressants. They will deal with the sleeplessness - eventually, it can take some weeks but is highly effective. I wouldn't be here now without anti-depressants, as I also had entirely stopped sleeping and was in a dreadful state. It is a good idea to take them in conjunction with counselling, though you may have to access counselling independently as NHS funding is totally crap for these things (as Oblomov as found out ). It is possible to access low-cost counselling through various charities - MIND and SANE should give you some pointers.

I'm not surprised the GP won't up the sleeping tablets - they are for very short term use only as they are highly addictive and don't deal with the underlying problem. Anti-depressants do! I hope you have some success at the GP surgery as it is not acceptable that this has gone on for so long and you are both at your wits end. Has he been offered anti-d's in the past? if so, what happened?

In the meantime you could try some herbal stuff. Although they probably won't sort things out in a permanent sense, eg Kalms are fabulous for taking the edge off if taken regularly while you wait for proper treatment. I wish you the very best in getting this problem addressed and I'm so sorry you have had to wait ((hug))

st johns wort is also very good (the most widely-prescribed natural anti-d in Germany, apparently - though you can't get it on prescription here GRRR) but your DH may be too poorly for it to be really effective. Have a look around for any depression support groups - it really helps the sufferer to meet other people who are managing similar symptoms; lots of tips etc. depression stoke on trent Changes depression support group is based in Stoke-on-Trent and Bristol if you live anywhere near?

Sorry springydaffs, I would definitely say don't take St John's Wort. It's only effective in mild depression (which this certainly is not) and because it interacts with SSRI antidepressants, you have to stop taking it at least 2 weeks before beginning SSRIS. If and when OP's DP finally gets prescribed SSRIs, he will have to wait to take them and therefore it will only delay effective treatment.
Also, I'd be very careful about admission to a mental health unit/ward. You may be lucky and have a great local service but IM direct E, a mental health unit is the worst possible place to be when depressed. I expected access to professional help and a supportive environment but instead found a complete lack of referral (never saw a mental health professional beyond a nurse the whole time I was in there), continuity or even anyone to talk to and the staff were patronising and dismissive. Then they really had to be fought to let me out despite telling me my problems weren't "that serious". It can be a nasty catch 22 situation. Of course, this is not the case nationally, but I'd try to find out what your local services are like in advance. I found being with family and friends was a more suitable environment.
Just a thought... but others will have different advice I'm sure. I really do recommend speaking to MIND or SANE as they are aware of the limitations of the NHS mental health services and can advise appropriately.

Good advice re st johns wort - I hadn't realised that and yes, herbs are powerful (people think they are kind of 'soft' but they're not!). Apologies OP for misleading you on that. St johns wort is good for mild/moderate depression if you don't plan to take anti-depressants (SSRIs). Is Kalms ok with SSRIs (or as a crossover)?

I also concur with your experiences of being an inpatient Berries. Hell on earth would just about describe it. If I had been well it would have done my head in totally - as it was.....

How are things MrsW? Horrible's advice looks the best to me.

He is feeling better and h asked me to throw out any alcohol we had in the house which I have and I don't drink so there is no temptation there,

today I made up a story when a mutual frie d asked me what had happened I told dh and he said not to make anything up he wants to take full responsibility ,
things seem a bit more positive and I am nothing if not a fighter I am determined to get him help.

I am also booking some driving lessons for him for when he is better to give himsomething to look forward to , we have had no money for so long not even bus fare to see people and I know he must feel a bit stir crazy with onlyds and cbeebies for company.

Thank you to everyone for the advice I have taken it on board and we are going to the gp on my next day off and I will not leave that office until som
ething is sorted.

A huge huge thanks to yo all for not judging dh I can't tell you how much that means to me , he is and always will be the love of my life and I hope one day I can post that he has had the help he needs and all is well.

better to spend money on a creche for DS and gym for your h - regular exercise is far better way to boost serotonin

is he the sole carer for ds when you at work? is ds a preschooler?

I agree about exercise - you really can't underestimate the amazing benefits of exercise to mental health. BUT imo the OP's DH has spiralled down and is really quite poorly now. If he can add exercise, make it a lifestyle choice for now and the future, then brilliant; but imo he needs more than that at this stage to get well.

Glad to hear things are looking slightly brighter OP. I wish you all well and hope it isn't too long before DH really turns a corner on the road to getting well xx