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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not AIBU, just need some advice.

87 replies

kitty4paws · 29/12/2011 21:24

For those who do not know my back story.

DH has MH issues, virtually no short term memory being the most dominant feature.

Sooo on tuesday we all went on a 3 hour journey to his family. I did not stay, left the car with him and took the train home (that would be a whoooole other thread). I simply do not think that someone with his lack of memory should be in an unfamiliar situation with 4 Dcs.

I ring tonight to arrange what time I need to come up tomorrow to come back down with him in the car.

He falt out refuses that he needs me to "nanny" him , and both he and his sister are ignorting my calls / texts.

The earliest I can get there tomorrow on my current ticket is 12:20 ( off peak) but I could pay another £50 and get there at 7:20 onwards.

what do I do ????

OP posts:

Original poster

kitty4paws · 30/12/2011 17:50

Sweet :
SIL doesnt think that I am doing Dh any good at all and he would be much better off with his "family" e.g.mum and sisters..
He isnt aggressive / moody with THEM you see (this of course has nothing to do with him being "on holiday" without DCs / school run etc of course!)

OP posts:

SweetLilyTea · 30/12/2011 17:53

Well, I'm glad you didn't just take things lying down! I think you did the right thing going up there and I would've done exactly the same. Not necessarily for the sake of my dh, but for my dc.

I wish you well, hope things get better for you.

Original poster

kitty4paws · 30/12/2011 17:54

one thing that REALLY grates is her asking to see bruises to prove there was physical abuse. On beahlf of all women out there who REALLY suffer with DA ~I am FRUIOUS and disgused at her comment.
( and DH's meds nipped this trait in the bud)

OP posts:

Original poster

kitty4paws · 30/12/2011 17:56

BTW

DH got lost 4 times on the way home ( just going round in circles)
I left him to it a bit to see how he got on but then had to intervene ( this is WITH sat nav) and then when we stopped for food he forgot our youngest DC in the toilet and I had to remind him to go back and get him.

SO I feel FULLY justified in goign up to "nanny" him and F**K what his SIS thinks !

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 30/12/2011 17:58

Is this the sister who refused to allow her Mum to give you a couple of thousand pounds for kitchen cabinets?

I don't understand why his family and your family won't support you in looking after him.

It must be very tough on you

Original poster

kitty4paws · 30/12/2011 18:00

Worrs :
Yep one and the same.

But this is NOt about the money, I have just had to chalk that up to expereince and a broken promise.

OP posts:

SweetLilyTea · 30/12/2011 18:07

I remember the kitchen cabinets thread as well. She sounds a right cow. I expect they think they're 'helping', rather than interfering, poor you.

Original poster

kitty4paws · 30/12/2011 18:14

OH well,
We are home safe and well now, DH has ( of course) forgotten any arguments etc so is a happy bunny.
Iam off to get soem dinner ( it may well STILL be turney based [shudder])

thank you all so much for all your posts, it is very,very much appreciated.

I will soldire (sp??) on for now.

kitty

OP posts:

homeaway · 30/12/2011 18:27

Oh Kitty what a nightmare for you. I know it is easier said than done but maybe in the light of this you need to consider whether it is really safe for him to look after the children on his own if he does that? What happens if he goes somewhere local and leaves a child behind or unwittingly puts them in a dangerous situation? He might get to the stage where he does not recognise when he needs help.. My grandmother suffered from dementia and in its early stages most people outside would not have known about it but we could see that there was something wrong. His family probably do not want to believe in their hearts that there is something wrong with him and so with that in mind I would not leave the kids with them again. As you said you will have to find another solution. I think you have to look at getting yourself as much support as you can, are there any government agencies that can help you ?

duckdodgers · 30/12/2011 18:34

kitty glad you got the kids back safe but like other posters here its the future now and plans you really have to be concerned about. I dont know anything about your DHs condition - sorry - but is it dementia? Because if it is it will be progressive and sadly get worse. And there is no way you should be abused by SIL - however she may only be going on DHs say so - and as you said he can be very convincing.

bubby64 · 30/12/2011 18:55

Kitty -I feel for you, my mum has altzheimers and for 2 yrs before her diagnosis I was saying to my brothers something was wrong, she was very forgetful etc, I realised this because I saw her several times a week and they only visited every couple of months. They did not believe me and said I was exaggerating things etc, because in "normal" surroundings and in conversation with people she knew, it was not too obvious. It was only after my elder DB took her away on holiday for 2 weeks that he realised I was telling things as they were and not making things up. The final realisation came to him when he left his DC (10+8) with her as babysitter, and she took the dog out for a walk then went home leaving them playing in the back garden! My younger DB has only accepted the fact that she is ill over the last 8months, when it has become increasingly obvious she has incresingly acute memory problems.
This was 2 reasonably intelligent men who get on fine with me, and have no reason to doubt me, but this still did not stop them from denying what was(to me) increasingly obvious symptoms with their mum, so, as a SiL/DiL who has not had a great relationship with her inlaws (be it through no fault of your own), you have an up-hill battle to get them to see that their DB has mental health issues!!

Beamur · 30/12/2011 19:02

Kitty - glad you are your family are home safe.

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