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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not AIBU, just need some advice.

87 replies

kitty4paws · 29/12/2011 21:24

For those who do not know my back story.

DH has MH issues, virtually no short term memory being the most dominant feature.

Sooo on tuesday we all went on a 3 hour journey to his family. I did not stay, left the car with him and took the train home (that would be a whoooole other thread). I simply do not think that someone with his lack of memory should be in an unfamiliar situation with 4 Dcs.

I ring tonight to arrange what time I need to come up tomorrow to come back down with him in the car.

He falt out refuses that he needs me to "nanny" him , and both he and his sister are ignorting my calls / texts.

The earliest I can get there tomorrow on my current ticket is 12:20 ( off peak) but I could pay another £50 and get there at 7:20 onwards.

what do I do ????

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 29/12/2011 21:43

Didn't realise dc were with him! Dont think most of us replying did either

Original poster
kitty4paws · 29/12/2011 21:43

case in point

went to school to pick up 3 dcs,

arrived home with 2,

Noooooo idea where 3rd dc was, ,she had been invited ( on the spot) to a friends house.

Cue , frantic ringing round untill one frined ( by chance) remembered where she had gone.

OP posts:
JustHecate · 29/12/2011 21:43

that doesn't sound right Hmm do you have long term plans and support in place?

thisisyesterday · 29/12/2011 21:43

in that case, is there another family member close by that you could call?

his mum? a family friend?

call them, explain why you are worried and see if they can pass a message on for you?

if he DOES go before you get there then call the police (non-emergency) and explain the situation and why you are worried

GypsyMoth · 29/12/2011 21:44

No way. Sorry, but didn't you pre empt this? Who has the car keys?

JustHecate · 29/12/2011 21:44

sorry. I was correcting the last sentence of my previous post !

Original poster
kitty4paws · 29/12/2011 21:44

just :

he is fine, really fine with the kids but that is in places he is familiar and woudl know where to go if he needed help.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 29/12/2011 21:45

Kitty..... You DO have to nanny him! These kids can't be put at risk anymore. How old are they?

Beamur · 29/12/2011 21:45

If you think he will try and set off before you could get there, and you are concerned for his and the childrens safety - I'd pay the extra and get the earlier train.
I'd also be having a stern word with the sister to try and get her on side. My Mum has short term memory problems so I understand a bit where you're coming from.

Original poster
kitty4paws · 29/12/2011 21:46

He needed the car when he was with his family, his sister would be with him on any unfamiliar journeys.

It was allways my plan to come back up to get him, and I am stunned that his sister thinks its ok for him to drive 3 hours + back on his own.

She obviusly has nooooo idea , and only sees that HE wants to , so its ok FFS

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 29/12/2011 21:46

Sorry why did you leave him with 3 children then if he cannot be trusted with them? Why did you have to come home

Collision · 29/12/2011 21:47

Why did you not stay too kitty?

Original poster
kitty4paws · 29/12/2011 21:47

I'd also be having a stern word with the sister to try and get her on side

adly his sister now total;y agrees with my ( medcially obsessed/ interferring ) sister so "stern words" wont cut any ice.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 29/12/2011 21:48

Fabby.... 4

Text her and tell her she will be responsible if anything hapoens

JustHecate · 29/12/2011 21:49

what will happen long term? will he get better? worse? will you need to look into a home?

Original poster
kitty4paws · 29/12/2011 21:49

Sorry why did you leave him with 3 children then if he cannot be trusted with them? Why did you have to come home

He is fine with the children at his sisters / mums house / close to people he knows. Driving down the M6 on a busy Friday is not Safe.

I came homje becasue I am not welcome there.

OP posts:
JustHecate · 29/12/2011 21:50

My god, kitty. How can you stand this situation. It must be tearing you apart Sad

Original poster
kitty4paws · 29/12/2011 21:51

Text her and tell her she will be responsible if anything hapoens

I just dont feel happy to do that, what if there is an accident, what if the car breaks down,

If my kids come to harm it wont matter who is "responsible" , they ill still have come to harm.

OP posts:
Beamur · 29/12/2011 21:52

Gah!
I'd be on the early train then, and let them think you are 'nannying'.

Original poster
kitty4paws · 29/12/2011 21:52

His sister thinks thinks the earliest train I can get arrives at 12:20,

My plan ATM is to arrive by 9:20 and then just sit in the car untill they are ready to leave.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 29/12/2011 21:55

Do you not have a satnav that he will be guided home by? I agree if you are worried go early.

Original poster
kitty4paws · 29/12/2011 21:57

Do you not have a satnav that he will be guided home by

Sat nav wont help if he "forgets" one on the DCs,

Sat nav wont tell him how long one of the dcs has been having a nose bleed , is it 4 minutes or 40 minutes.

OP posts:
Original poster
kitty4paws · 29/12/2011 21:59

JustHecate

Although I do not have personal experience , it feels like a custody case, tug of love, and I JUST DONT GET IT! I just dont.

How his sister thinks its ok to decide that MY dcs will be ok is beyond me it really is

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 29/12/2011 22:00

Your posts contradict each other,you say he is fine with the dc and fine to drive, butworry how he will handle a nose bleed/ be in an accident

He is either competent or not...... With children and driving there should be NO middle ground

Who assessed him as ok to drive?

GypsyMoth · 29/12/2011 22:00

How old are the children?