To think that DH is being a babyish nobend?

[BaublesandCuntingCarolSingers]

This is going to sound childish. I KNOW it's childish so don't ned any smartarses telling me as much.

DH and I in the car tonight talking about what we would have for tea. I said maybe just cheese and crackers since we had a fair sized lunch at 2.30. DH agreed. Then he asked what food was left in the christmas snack cupboard. I remarked that we didn;t actually have a lot of chocolate left as DH had SCOFFED his way through our second tin of Roses in a fortnight. He got all defensive saying that it was my own fault I didn't get any chocolates because I wasn't quick enough and they were there to be eaten. I agreed that they were but I said "It's not all or nothing; you can eat SOME and leave some for others. You don't need to scoff the lot!" He disagreed.

THEN he accused me of being a misery over christmas. TBH, I was a bit lemon-lipped on Christmas day itself; recovering from a stomach virus, was feeling sick/shaky and cooking dinner pushed me over the edge into feeling like I wanted to puke my innards out. He is whining because whenever we've had guests/been to friend's houses, I've been happy and why couldn't I make that effort wth him?! I have played through the pain a bit when guests have been here and been a bit quiet the rest of the time. Today, I have felt fine so have been chatty etc He said "You've been OK today. Keep it like that." WTF?! patronising git, I've felt ILL. Keep it like that?! Just to make YOU feel better?! You arse.

I want to do bad things to him. Cheeky tosser. AIBU?

TBH he DID offer to cook the christmas dinner but I know that every ten seconds his mug would appear around the kitchen door, looking gormless, asking for direction on how to cook the sprouts/parsnips/gravy. And he wouldn't have done proper gravy, he'd have done Bisto.

Twatweevil, though. Yes.

What you need to do is challenge him to leave a new tin alone and then when he is out take a can opener to the bottom of it, remove chocolates and then place back on the shelf.

He would be wearing that ball of wrappers. In his mouth.

Ohhh you should have saved the wrappers and deposited them one in each clean pair of socks.

I have done that kind of thing before, CakeCures. inclusing gathering together the crumbs from the work surface after he has made sandwiches very messily and planting them inside his coat pocket.

We did the can opener one with my mum years ago. She told us 'do not open the lid of those chocolates under any circumstances' Well, it seemed like a challenge to me! We didn't open the lid like she asked.....

Now she says 'touch nothing in the christmas cupboard or else'

Oh I am so relieved that I am not the only that has a christmas cupboard. My BF looked at me like I was mad when I mentioned it.

I love these "dinnae mess" threads

You know. You can purchase such things as laxative chocolate and chilli chocolate.

Just sayin'...

Oh he's got the constitution of a brass ox, that one.

I only have chocolate orange left.

:(

That's true, Hecate.

And it'll be Easter in a little while.

Nothing says 'I love you' like an Ex-lax Easter Egg with accompanying Ex-lax choccies.

"Oh he's got the constitution of a brass ox, that one."

Is that to go with his brass neck?

Roses? Dear God some people have no standards.

There was a Terry's chocolate orange in my stocking. I'd rather find out I'd married an axe murderer.

Bloody hell I've just noticed I've eaten my way through half a tin of buscuits while reading this thread

Biscuits even

I'm usually the one who tells dh that he should have been quicker when he's looking for the chocolate, though I've come nowhere near to eating 1kg of chocs this christmas (I'm pretty sure).

Oh my god this thread has cheered me up.

I've still got some Galaxy truffles and some Remy fudge.

[smug]

We have:
1 tin of Celebrations, untouched
1 tin of Miniature Heroes, untouched
1 tin of Fox's Special selection biscuits, untouched
1 tin of Victoria biscuits, untouched
1 box of Turkish Delight, untouched
1 box of Tesco cookie assortment, untouched
1 toblerone, untouched and 1 half eaten
1 tub of Maltesers, untouched

please note- that is all the chocolate/ sweets/ biscuits we had as gifts and bought ourselves for the xmas period.

YANBU.
I am the same with fizzy pop.
We rarely buy it but on the rare occassion that we do, by golly, if you don't neck it back it's all gone. Even when I buy cans of pop, one each, unless I drink it pretty soon I don't get to drink mine.

Putting the wrappers back in the tin is unforgivable.

When I went to open my box of chocolates gifted to me by MiL to share (Christmas cubby hole in this house) DH had already opened them and nicked the coffee creams

However this is the same dh who has recently complained that "our marriage basically consists of two friends who have sex"

Tbh I have given up trying to reason with him and simply hidden all the stuff I like in the a box of rolled oats.

"Tbh I have given up trying to reason with him and simply hidden all the stuff I like in the a box of rolled oats."

^This.

This, right, is the work of genius. And a woman pissed off with living with a fucking gannett.

No bend or knob end?

NOB END you fucking smart Alec.