to ask SAHM/ term time workers what happens in the holidays

[madsam]

I have 3 school aged dc and I work part time term time. I admit I probably do have it easier in term time. Hence, I do 99.9% of work in house/childcare and all laundry in term time. DH is quite messy too.

However, he now has shut down for Christmas. We were away Xmas Eve and Xmas Day with his family. Before going I loaded dishwasher but it wasn't ready before we left. We returned Boxing Day morning when we unloaded car and I than drove with dc to visit my family. He didn't come as has a football season ticket.

Since than he has done nothing except play computer games. watch tv, build 1 toy for kids and maybe play for an hour or so with dc.

Dishwasher was still full when I returned late Boxing Day and his plate etc were in sink.

I hope you soon feel better, Smallstuff.

Like you say, it's very disrespectful if the man in a relationship doesn't pull his weight. Something like unloading the dishwasher only takes 5 minutes or so but to me it speaks volumes. My DH doesn't always get lots of housework or tidying done if he is off work, but he does try. I'd be really annoyed with him if he didn't.

I'm surprised that no one has mentioned the children here (apart from Bonsoir who mentioned teenagers). I don't see this as an issue about working/not working/how many hours etc (because i don't count the d/w as 'chore'). I see the parenting side in op.

Imo it is simple every day function, you eat - you put your plate away - you brush your teeth, you shit - you pull the flush etc. So what is the message to the children? You eat and then you leave your plate there?
I always find it strange that people spend lots time and money on homework and tuition but don't teach simple responsibility. In my opinion a child who learns early about eat-plate-d/w-pile up will then apply it to school i.e. 'if i don't do homework in time it will pile up' and years later 'if i don't prepare for the job interview i 'll not get the job'.

The real 'chores' are the big things i.e. cleaning, ironing, windows, oven and those have to be divided fairly and according to work and hours but not the daily normal things.

That is a good point Laquitar and I will certainly be ensuring my DC increase with the amount they do when they are old enough.

I am in a similar situation to op. My dh too does little around the house. I put up with it because I work only about 16 hourse per week term time. How many hours do you work op?
However, I do think your dh should clean up his own mess however many hours you both work.

Hi. Thanks for your replies. Mum80 I work 3 out of five days during the week. So I have 2 lots of 5 1/2 hours to get all the housework done and shopping etc. DH works prob 12 hour days including commuting hence why I said I have it easier term time.
I do not think housework/childcare/laundry should be split during holidays. Just want dh to pick up some of the slack if we are both home with dc.

I don't think you're being unreasonable with that expectation, madsam.

I'm assuming that you aren't expecting him to get stuck into spring cleaning or ironing 6 baskets full of washing, just a general extra pair of hands to, for example, make lunch for you all or to pick up toys that DCs have left laying around?

If you're both at home on holiday, do you really need to ask? Seriously? Surely its obviously you should be sharing task.

I work term time and TBH the house is a bit messy. I do alot of the stuff but my DH is home from work and he made the dinner tonight. we tend to muck in mostly.

I do get fed up though when he sneaks off to have a sleep. that really irritates me.

I have 3 teenagers who do very little. I think I resent that more.

Why do you resent him having asleep when your dcs are teens?

I'm a SAHM. DH is off for 12 days and has been helping out with chores and loving having the time to play with his daughter. I normally do all chores and jobs at home. Guess it just depends on the DH?

Ah you know the usual. He starts loads of jobs and I have to finish them as he can only do one job at a time. Whilst I work from home over the hols run the house take care of the children. Ensure he is happy. Listen to how tired he is.
Not a good day today have asked him to go out actually before I kill him.

I find it annoying as there is stuff to be done in the house and the other day the heating broke down and he was upstairs asleep. If he is not sleeping he is watching crap on tv which is also irritating.

I think he should do something more constructive with his time like I do on Mumsnet LOL.

I think it should be at least 30 - 70. I have two young kids plus one school aged so we are 50 - 50 in the hols. We both need a break

the kids also should have chores by the way. can you make a rota?