to ^not^ feel comfortable giving my 14 year old DC alcohol - even at Christmas?

[MistletoeAndFlump]

Because my (usually very conventional) family seem to think I am - my extended family, that is.

DH and I are not big drinkers. We do drink occasionally, and have given our DC a taste of different drinks when he's been curious about it. For example, he had a glass of champagne with us at Christmas dinner.

However his GPs, aunts and uncles seem to think that because it's Christmas and he's now taller than me (WTF does that have to do with it?), he should be drinking along with the rest of us/them. Today we were at my in-laws along with his uncles and an aunt. Everybody had a few drinks throughout the day (probably about four or five each, apart from me, as I was driving). Each time a 'round' was made in the kitchen, somebody would ask DC if he would like one. The first time DH and I both said no he's only 14. They then all made a huge deal about us being 'overprotective' and 'not letting him grow up'. In the midst of it all he just looked embarrassed. MIL went on to say that I'm lucky he's 'not out on the piss with his mates at his age' (which probably embarrassed him even more). He then asked DH and I if he could have a shandy - so we made him a weak one, whilst being heckled by various family members.

This continued with the next three or four rounds of beers, which we said he couldn't have. He was fine about it but they wouldn't drop it. And because it is Christmas I bit my tongue, even though I was seething underneath. DH did get pissed off with them and said something at which point they stopped and then just got frosty with us - so we then decided to call it a night.

So (apologies for length, btw) - are we being unreasonable? They've made me wonder if there is something wrong with us now.

My poor DS1 isnt allowed anything to drink in the house. I wont give him alchohol at all.

He is 18 next week

ohdoadmitit that is a bit heavy, he can get it himself soon anyway.

YANB at all U

My DD is 16 and I would be happy for her to have the occasional drink with us but she really doesn't like the taste. She has tried champagne at special occasions, eg. Christmas Day and New Year, but she leaves most of it. Knowing that I would be very unhappy if any of my family and friends tried to ply her with drink which she didn't really want because they think she is old enough.

It sounds like the OPs son wasn't that bothered about a drink anyway so I don't think they were being over-protective. At the end of the day it was none of the rest of the families damned business and I would have been very annoyed if I was in her situation.

I think the odd stubby beer or glass of wine & lemonade on a special occasion is fine for a 14 year old and can help teach responsible drinking... But them thinking he should have a beer to keep up with the grown-ups is rediculous, if left down to them he could have ended up paraletic and got alcohol poisoning, what a bunch of idiots.

YADNBU!

I think there is a big difference between having a glass at home on a special occasion at 14 and drinking along with multiple rounds at a family do - OP was right not to go along with that. It makes me to think that there are so many people who think you're a party pooper if you don't drink alcohol, or that you need booze to have fun. I also worry about the way it has become socially acceptable to be drunk - I still don't think it is, and am bringing my DDs up the same way.

I do think 2 glasses of Lambrusco at age 10 is shocking, far too much. My DDs are nearly 9 and nearly 11 and on special occasions they are allowed some champagne - in a tiny shot glass, that is, so less than 10% of one normal glass. They enjoy it, but they don't ask for it and they understand the hazards of alcohol.

Two thirteen-year-olds in this house have not touched alcohol at all this Christmas.
Neither have their parents. Rest of familydo have a drink though.
We cannot afford it so we don't buy it. End of.
But we still enjoy life with

2 glasses of lambrusco at 10 !!

that's way too much!

Your child your rules Mistletoe&Flump and though I would probably allow one beer/wine etc. I certainly do hate 'other adults' who undermine a parent, or take the piss, or just generally act like knobheads.

Once you said no, there is no need for further discussion whether you're U or not. Its their behaviour, their constant pecking and harping on about it that is the real issue here. YANBU at all. Glad your DH spoke up. It WAS his place to and he stepped up to the mark, so well done him.

Just before Christmas, my friend bought her 14 yr old 4 bottles of Lambrini to 'share' with her friends who were supposedly having a sleepover. The we went out. Needless to say her house was utterly trashed on her return and they'd basically had a pissed up fuck fest whilst my friend and the rest of us were out. Being a 'cool' mum is always being a good mum.

I've no issue with properly supervised and controlled drinking, at any age. But had I been at your party mistle I'd have been tempted to to stamp of a few feet, those belonging to the ones saying 'go ooooon Mistletoe, stop stifling the boy, let him drink' GRRRRR for you.

isn't always being a good mum! lol

YANBU

I don't think you can be portrayed as particularly strict or ostrichy if you allow champagne and a couple of shandies over Christmas. Had DS wanted a can or two during the day and you'd refused, I'd have said that was BU. But that isn't what happened. It's very rude to pressure any guest into consuming something they don't want, however old they are, unless it's something like coaxing someone to eat something to sober up, or not take tablets on an empty stomach etc. So your family were out of order.

You possibly are lucky he's not out on the piss with his mates at his age (if indeed he isn't) but that's a separate issue.

YANBU

It is your job to educate him about alcohol, and there is a world of difference between the odd glass at a celebration and a norm of swigging can after can. Stick to your guns about the amount and type of drink, and the occasions when it is permitted. Talk to him about alcohol, it's pleasures and its dangers.

You cannot control what he eventually does outside the home, but you can set the example and behaviour standards within it. These reference points will help, not hinder, the formation of his adult standards.

And it's pretty boorish of your ILs to press alcohol on anyone, let alone a young teen whose parents have explained specific limits.

YANBU

It is your job to educate him about alcohol, and there is a world of difference between the odd glass at a celebration and a norm of swigging can after can. Stick to your guns about the amount and type of drink, and the occasions when it is permitted. Talk to him about alcohol, it's pleasures and its dangers.

You cannot control what he eventually does outside the home, but you can set the example and behaviour standards within it. These reference points will help, not hinder, the formation of his adult standards.

And it's pretty boorish of your ILs to press alcohol on anyone, let alone a young teen whose parents have explained specific limits.