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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that kids should be able to manage without gadgets during Christmas lunch?

99 replies

nicknamealreadyinuse · 26/12/2011 09:24

We went to a nice restaurant for lunch yesterday but....judginess warning...most of the kids in there were glued to a gadget during the meal. Not toddlers they were all about six or older I think. Some teens. Surely they can manage to talk to their family on Xmas day? I wouldn't care on a normal day but think Xmas lunch is a time for family.

OP posts:

Original poster

nicknamealreadyinuse · 26/12/2011 14:14

But pantomime what about them learning to not get down from the table (assuming they aren't younger toddlers) AND not playing with gadgets. It's possible to actually talk as a family!
And if the adults want to talk adult stuff for a little while in between chats which involve the kids more, they could even talk to each other. I have an only child who gets lost in his own daydreams sometimes too which I think is fab. What kind of adults are we bringing our dc up to be who can't sit and chat for an hour or two and can't daydream a bit when there's a bit of the conversation which they aren't interested in?

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 26/12/2011 14:17

With Christmas dinner at home they always had to sit up to the table and talk. The only difference was that they were free to get down when they had finished.

sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 14:20

Nickname To you your child's delightful daydreams could be viewed as "a child being ignorant and refusing social engagement" to a casual observer across a dining room.

I really think that if the children aren't causing a nuisance in a restaurant, if they want to play with their Christmas toys on Christmas day in between courses of their Christmas Dinner, people should take their judgey knickers off and let the parents get on with doing what they think suits their children's needs best.

Original poster

nicknamealreadyinuse · 26/12/2011 14:27

Erm don't you ever have a few short spells in a dinner conversation when you might not join in so much?

And as for judging yes of course it's better that they aren't annoying the other customers but surely the point of my OP is that it's a little sad that there are so many families where in Christmas Day of all days they can't sit and chat for an hour or so over lunch?

OP posts:

Original poster

nicknamealreadyinuse · 26/12/2011 14:29

On not in....iPad keeps changing things.

OP posts:

Glitterandglue · 26/12/2011 14:29

I'm just trying to visualise anyone having time to use gadgets during our family's Christmas dinner...no one goes in my aunt's kitchen until it's cooked then we all help to bring stuff out, dish out, sit down, and it's gone within ten minutes. We'll stop occasionally between mouthfuls to pull crackers.

Things haven't changed at all over the years. I'm 25 and still sat at the kids' table...

KarenMillenCoat · 26/12/2011 14:37

If it keeps them from having bored tantrums and running around shouting and ruining the experience for everyone else then I am all for a gadget or two at the table! Adult conversation is dull for most children and teens, I've accepted this.

sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 14:41

Nickname I'm not saying there is anything wrong with daydreaming but there is a lot wrong with other people looking at others family dynamics and judging them on snapshots. It really hacks me off to be honest.

Most families don't need a dinner to have a chit chat over, it you have to wait for a formal occasion to talk to each other then there would be something wrong. I think its wrong to assume that if children play with new toys in between courses, that the families don't talk to each other.

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2011 14:48

They were probably bored shitless

Adults tend to get more excited about dinner on Christmas day than children

I'm glad I was never carted off to a restaurant as a child because it would have ruined my favourite day of the year for me.

But if I was, I'm sure I would have been allowed to take a toy to keep me amused while the adults enjoyed themselves and I dreamed of the dessert trolley...which let's face it, is probably the only part of the meal most small kids would look forward to.

sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 14:50

It does seem a little unfair of the adults to make the children promises of what Santa will bring them if they are good then make them sit at a dinner table and not be allowed to use them between courses.

pantomimecow · 26/12/2011 16:05

I wonder what conversation is truly interesting to both an adult and a child?

ivykaty44 · 26/12/2011 16:11

well not sure in other households but we talked about what we received for christmas and what we liked most about the presents we had received, also past christmas stories where retold by all of us - shared memories from different perspectives in some cases,

sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 16:16

Ivy Have to hang my head in shame at being totally bored witless or other rhyming word of choice, to hearing the same old stories again at the dinner table, worse some of the memories were of families I didn't even know and people were smiling politely. I was certainly thinking how much more of this do I have to tolerate before I can get out of here and I'm a middle aged woman. Fortunately for the children at our dinner they had their own table and didn't have to endure those who loved the sounds of their own voices some of the more vocal adults.

By Christmas dinner we had already talked about the gifts, what we'd enjoyed, thanking the givers, playing with them between the adults and the children.

FionaBruise · 26/12/2011 16:17

yanbu

GurlwiththeFrothyCurl · 26/12/2011 16:45

Well, I was brought up in the days before electronic gadgets and we would never have brought anything to the dinner table to play with. We were expected to talk to the adults and other children. We have brought up our two DSs the same way and DS1 has SEN. Now they are adults, they are brilliant when we go out and all though their childhood, people remarked on their good manners in restaurants. They weren't bored as we included them in the conversations.

My pet hate when out for a meal is the incessant noise from handheld gadgets and phones. And the alternative is not kids being noisy instead. They can be taught to behave well in a restaurant!

It is no wonder that we have such problems in schools these days if children are not being taught to sit still, talk nicely to others and leave the gadgets alone for a while!

sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 16:56

My son has perfect manners in school no worries and SEN too. I still don't have a problem with gadgets being held between courses on Christmas Day. I don't see that as a choice between having unruly children and letting them enjoy their new toys on Christmas Day even if that is between courses.

maryz · 26/12/2011 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ivykaty44 · 26/12/2011 17:09

I adore the stories my dd's tell me and this year we had another guest for lunch who had other stories - possibly move yourself to a more interesting table. We don't need to have a table that sits 14 people now but have never sectioned children on one table or to another area but all been mixed up together.

sitandnatter - it sounds as if your adult guests have to much voice at the table and don't use their ears enough to listen to the younger peoples stories which are fresh and new and are often more interesting.

KitchenandJumble · 26/12/2011 17:09

YANBU. This is a pet peeve of mine. I was invited for dinner recently (not Xmas) and the 13-year-old son of the other guests played with his mobile throughout the meal. He is a nice boy, very bright and articulate. I was a bit surprised that his parents allowed him to behave so rudely. Put the gadgets down and join in the conversation. How difficult is that really?

sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 17:19

Ivy the set up for the children this year was perfect IMO, they didn't have gadgets just each other on a table away from the parents and adult relations who could only hear their laughter. The dinner was a success for adults and children alike overall, but there were times where an adult was a complete and utter bore, so fond of their own voice and stories they didn't mind boring the crap out of everyone else.

If I was a kid I'd have given my right arm to hide in a Nintendo or whatever.

We weren't in a mansion, a big house yes but not one where you could table hop, one for the children and one for the adults. So when the bore started, even when the husband tried to intervene, we were stuck with it.

My point is people shouldn't judge because we have no idea what the family dynamics are and often the whole entourage never get together until Christmas day then it is all miraculously supposed to work.

Don't judge peeps, that's all I am saying.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 26/12/2011 17:21

I let mine take gadgets when we go out to eat, otherwise they get bored and noisy at the table. Last time we went out for a big family meal we had to wait over an hour between ordering and getting our food - that's a long time for a six and a five year old to sit at the table. Neither of them have ever shown the slightest interest in "colouring". Gadgets get switched off when food arrives. No gadgets at the table at home, because they are not sat there waiting while I cook.

AndLibbyMakesThree · 26/12/2011 17:22

We had Christmas lunch at my sister's yesterday. My ex (DS's dad) was also there.

I was helping my sister in the kitchen, and when I got to the dining table, I found that my ex had put his phone on the table next to DS (aged 3), so that DS could listen to his favourite music and watch videos during Christmas dinner. Ex made a half-hearted attempt to turn the sound down when the meal started but DS started crying - and my ex immediately gave in and turned it back on! I felt especially bad as my sister and nieces had made a Christmas CD for us to listen to but had to turn it off as it couldn't be heard above DS's music!

I was horrified that my ex would think this was appropriate. I feel Christmas dinner is an occasion where my son should be joining in with the rest of us, not immersed in a phone. My ex and I have very different ways of parenting, and I would never let DS have a gadget on the table during Christmas lunch (or any other meal). I would consider letting him have it at the end of the meal if he seemed unhappy and it meant the rest of us could eat in peace, but that's all.

Perhaps I should have put my foot down, but I didn't think it would be the right time for ex and I to have a big disagreement - my sister's had a tough year and just wanted to enjoy Christmas dinner with her family without any arguments. But I was/am very annoyed and will be having strong words with ex next time we talk.

inmysparetime · 26/12/2011 17:25

My DCs favourite "gadgets" were a pair of earmuffs each. They are aged 7 and 10, and while they enjoy computer games, they get bored of them quickly.
I would never have gadgets during a meal, indoors or out, meals are about interacting with each other, not staring at a screen.
On Christmas day they played with their new wii for about half an hour, but spent most of the day playing and reading.

quirrelquarrel · 26/12/2011 19:46

Boredom is very good for children, provided it's sporadic and not for too long. Being constantly occupied by a bright flashing screen is very bad for them. Don't necessarily agree with colouring either. At what age do they have to take part and sit properly? Can't you just do it from the beginning? When I was little and waiting for food to be served I explored the restaurant or we played word games. I would have received a brisk "of course not- that would be rude" if I'd wanted to read my book at the table.

Am pretty shocked at hearing about gadgets in church, and I'm not religious at all!

ZZZenAgain · 26/12/2011 19:49

well you'd think they could manage a meal without gadgets since we did (mostly I suppose because they weren't in abundance) but at least they are quiet and not beating each other's heads in which is something I suppose.

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