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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that kids should be able to manage without gadgets during Christmas lunch?

99 replies

nicknamealreadyinuse · 26/12/2011 09:24

We went to a nice restaurant for lunch yesterday but....judginess warning...most of the kids in there were glued to a gadget during the meal. Not toddlers they were all about six or older I think. Some teens. Surely they can manage to talk to their family on Xmas day? I wouldn't care on a normal day but think Xmas lunch is a time for family.

OP posts:
hermionejgranger · 26/12/2011 10:02

yy Sirzy I agree...playing before and after the meal is, IMO, fine but not during. Too easy to spill gravy on the important electrical bits...!

Sirzy · 26/12/2011 10:02

Mrswoodentop - I have enough friends/relatives with older children to be more than aware how it is more than possible to keep those rules applied. I had a lovely conversation with my friends 8 year old when out for a meal together a few weeks back.

dearprudence · 26/12/2011 10:02

YABU. My child would be bored shitless in a restaurant on Christmas day, unless he had his cousins to go off and play with.

And Christmas day in a restaurant - who does that? Shock

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 26/12/2011 10:03

I couldn't really stop him to be fair - he took it because the vicar does the "lets me play with your favourite present" thing during the service...............and once he had it there I was in no position to stop him playing with it Xmas Grin

fluffytowels · 26/12/2011 10:06

YANBU.

We went out for dinner yesterday. DC are 6 and 3. Both were a bit fidgety but made to sit down nicely. They were allowed into the garden between main and pudding.

I told DS1 that Christmas is all about him except for lunch, when it is time to do as he's asked. Hopefully one day it will be OK Grin.

We don't have DVDs in the cat either. There is absolutely nothing wrong with teaching your children that sometimes you will be bored.

DS2 did shout very loudly in church on Christmas eve 'mummy I'm bored can we go home?' Blush

exoticfruits · 26/12/2011 10:06

The reason that other countries are more child friendly is that DCs know how to behave when out in a restaurant and they are treated as if they have something interesting to add to the general conversation.

mrswoodentop · 26/12/2011 10:09

You would have been able to have a lovely conversation with all mine at that age and we do not take gadgets to restaurants and certainly not to Church ,however Xmas lunch is a bit different I think and this is why I wouldn't go out to a restaurant on Xmas day with children.They are largely tired from a short night,over excited ,not hungry,not especially into Xmas food when not at home and they just want to play with presents,gadgets or not.

Incidentally I would be Hmm at a parent of a more than toddler child colouring with the child rather than conversing with adults ,especially if everyone is fixed to listen in(am sure you wouldn't do this)

fluffytowels · 26/12/2011 10:10

We go out to a restaurant on Christmas Day because it's FIL's gift to us. We cool him Sunday lunch most weeks and it's his way of saying thank you.

One year we cooked Christmas lunch for 16 with 2 children under 4 and it was awful. We were hideously grumpy, children got no attention at all and cost us a fortune.

Not until the kids have left home Grin

sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 10:12

Baroque then I withdraw any judgy knickers I may have worn before, the child took it to church because the vicar encourages it. There should be more vicars like him there might be more bums on seats on a Sunday morning.

Good for the Vicar, I haven't been to church for years as my priests just droned on and didn't make anything child friendly back in the day.

exoticfruits · 26/12/2011 10:14

I don't have anything against taking something to do in church-unless it is child friendly it is very hard to sit through.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 26/12/2011 10:15

well she only encourages it on Christmas Day - no other day............she was a little disappointed there were no bikes or skateboards this year Xmas Wink.

DS2 still played with it the entire way through too (while all the other children bar one put their toys down and joined in the rest of the service -- which was very child friendly )

He'll probably take it again though, to evening services.............no Sunday Club/stuff for them at the evening services - DSi's are FAB for such times

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 26/12/2011 10:15

It's all about balance though isn't it. My children usually sit through a meal out and talk but yesterday was always going to be longer than usual and he was under the weather. He was fine in the summer in Germany at my cousin's house eating a meal with a whole load of adults who hadn't seen each other for 10 years and talking in a foreign language. He knew he needed to behave and would be bored but took it on the chin as that's what I expected of him.

And DVDs in cars. Have never done this until we started going on holiday to Europe where total travel time is about 12 hours and it is a long time to be travelling so makes sense to make it as easy for everyone as possible.

Yes they do need to learn, but there's room for a bit of flexibility depending on the situation.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 26/12/2011 10:17

thinking about the at the tables thing though................I think I'd prefer electronic gadgets than cars and other plastic shit that gets dragged across the table and drives me fecking bonkers

sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 10:19

fluffy my parents taught me how to be bored and say nothing in church as it was ok for me to be bored. As soon as I got old enough to choose I chose not to be bored any more and refused to go inside a church from the age of 14.

Not sure if they wanted me to be a church goer that teaching me it is ok to be bored was the right thing to last me past a time when choices can be made.

I like the vicar who encourages the children to show their favourite toys and involves the children, makes then interested in being there, far more savvy than boring children in my experience anyway.

Omgomgomgomg · 26/12/2011 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 10:34

We had seven children gadget free at a family dinner yesterday but they were all sat on their own table next to the adults table and just had a ball. But they weren't expected to act like adults, they were allowed to act like children, play in between courses and have a laugh on their own levels with each other. It worked really really well, the adults had their table.

I can't take the credit for it as was at brothers and sil's house but brilliant idea, children ranged from 1 to 14 with the children all wanting to have a hand in feeding and looking after the baby.

I really do believe Christmas Day it should be fun for the children too, I can't see anything wrong with that, the opposite in fact.

skybluepearl · 26/12/2011 10:37

my 8 year old wanted to read a new book through xmas dinner - wasn't allowed of course!

Original poster
nicknamealreadyinuse · 26/12/2011 11:04

Dearprudence we go to a restaurant sometimes because there are only three or four of us depending on an extra who chose not to come this year and so there's more atmosphere. It's a lovely place one with a Christmassy feel...not like we went to Pizza Express or Mcdonalds or something for xmas lunch. Also we dont spend the whole day there, we have loads of time at home and then visit some other relatives later. And we had a lovely walk afterwards.

OP posts:
pantomimecow · 26/12/2011 11:17

'The level of interaction for a start. We colour together and he is still part of what is going on. Things like Nintendo Ds rarely allow for that'

well that's where you are wrong most games are interactive these days.Actually i would much rather be in a restaurant where kids were still and playing with their gadgets, than getting up and down, going out to play in the garden between courses.

TwelveGaysOfChristmas · 26/12/2011 11:35

YANBU. I can't stand it. It's called dinnertime for a reason - it's time for dinner! If a child is colouring then we can all talk about it, contribute, whatever. If a child has their nose in an iPod then it makes conversation very difficult!

We currently live with DP's parents and I almost cried when we moved to MIL and FIL's.

In my parents house there is a dining table - piled under junk! We either eat in our respective bedrooms or we eat downstairs in front of the television. There's barely any conversation and if you leave your plate alone for longer than 30 seconds three's a rousing chorus of "Are you finished?" and "Take your plate out if you're done!".

In MIL's house they have a dining table where most, if not all, meals are eaten. There is a small television in the corner that is normally on BBC News 24 and while we are eating there are no books, phones or gadgets allowed. I love the arrangement they have - I'd never done a proper sit-down meal with my family unless it was Christmas so I was so happy to finally feel like a "proper" family member.

I know it sounds harsh but sometimes I feel more at home in my MIL's house than I do with my parents!

exoticfruits · 26/12/2011 13:47

If DCs were used to sitting at tables, and conversing, at home then they wouldn't have a problem when out.

fluffytowels · 26/12/2011 13:49

Quite right exotic (hoiks overfed bosom).

ivykaty44 · 26/12/2011 13:53

yabu

That to me is what christmas is about children and toys and playing with them at lunch. Fortunately I have always stayed home for lunch or been with grandparents where all us cousins could play for the one day of the year at the table, opposed to be out for lunch

fluffytowels · 26/12/2011 14:05

Ivy, yes you are lucky. Not all of our DC have cousins to keep them amused nor do we have parents who can host Christmas.

Your situation sounds very much the ideal.

ivykaty44 · 26/12/2011 14:12

It was lovely fluffy and I have happy memories of lunch on Christmas day being relaxed, as the rest of the year table manners where important and we where pulled up if we didn't behave.

If I did have to go out for Christmas lunch though i think a choice between children sat glued to their electrical devises that they got for christmas or the same children screaming and running around the tables, would have to be the former. I am much more grumpy now older and don't like children running around or make screaming noises at dinner.