Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To bring this up with easily offended relatives

71 replies

CBear6 · 26/12/2011 00:29

MIL and her DP have recently gotten back into contact with us after a long estrangement caused by MIL's behaviour and attitude (long, long story spanning several years with a chunk of DH's childhood thrown in for good measure).

At the minute it's a case of let bygones be bygones and I won't mention it of you don't mention it. So it's an open relationship where no topic is off-limits . Still, early days and baby steps, eh?

We've had a DD during the estrangement, this partly contributed to the reunion. She's almost 4mo and MIL's DP, who I'm sure if lovely but is of no blood relation and has not had much to do with either of our children, keeps referring to her as sexy.

"Look at that smile! That's because she knows she's a sexy girl!", "whose a sexy girl?", "oh you're a sexy one, ain't ya?", "come here sexy!" and repeat.

There is nothing at all even remotely sexy about my baby daughter. She soils herself at least once a day, dribbles, wears shirts with ducks on them, sleeps 12+ hours out of any given 24, doesn't work, has no social life, and oh yeah, she's a fucking four month old baby!

Every time he does it I feel physically sick and I immediately take the baby away. I don't think he has an unhealthy interest in her (there is something about him creeps me out but it's entirely unfounded), I just think he's one of those people who overuses the word sexy even when it's not appropriate.

They're very easily offended and the mildest slight, whether real or imagined, can send them into a tizzy of scandalised self-righteous anger resulting in huffs, name-calling, and 14 month long estrangements ....

AIBU to request that they kindly fuck off with calling my baby sexy stop as I don't like it given that the relationship is still on fairly shaky ground and that they are always in the right all of the time and will therefore massively kick off if I say anything?

OP posts:
yellowraincoat · 26/12/2011 00:30

Oh I would just say something. Calling a baby sexy is so deeply weird.

Say it. Say it once and then if they start shouting, just smile blandly and disengage.

LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 26/12/2011 00:31

YANBU. Grim.

magicwoodyallenzombiejesus · 26/12/2011 00:34
Xmas Shock

sexy? ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

RobinSparkles · 26/12/2011 00:38

Why do some adults refer to children as being "sexy"? I hear of it often and it's most disconcerting. Children are NOT sexy!

I would want to correct him, it sounds yucky. YANBU.

Parly · 26/12/2011 00:49

I wouldn't even bother tippy-toeing around him or trying to find the right time and the right way of saying it etc. Next time he says it, you should casually suggest he doesn?t say it anymore because it makes him sound like an extremist-paedo.

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 26/12/2011 00:54

"I wish you wouldn't use the word sexy about the baby, because it makes me feel uncomfortable. Does anybody want a cup of tea?"

Job done.

elliejjtiny · 26/12/2011 01:11

I would say something but keep it non comfrontational eg when he says it just laugh and say that sexy people dribble less or something like that.

OnSantasLap · 26/12/2011 01:36

Instead of saying something and thereby allowing them the opportunity to be offended - could you not make it clear that on this occasion it is you that is offended?

Beat them to it iyswim?

Christmascack · 26/12/2011 01:46

Yuck, this just has to stop. Whats the point of a relationship with them if its totally false? waste of time. Not sure how you say it, but he needs to be told.

poppycat04 · 26/12/2011 01:50

I'd aim for another long estrangement if I were you.... Wink
Sounds grim

whethergirl · 26/12/2011 02:09

WTF?? You got to say something. How can you not. And start as you mean to go on....the estrangement is not your problem, you shouldn't have to tiptoe on eggshells, especially not when it concerns your baby!

missnevermind · 26/12/2011 02:17

This is one of my 'hates' I would not pussyfoot around.
Loud and clear -

'Saying somebody is sexy implys that you would like to have sex with them'

Pick the baby up and leave the room for effect.

Mya2403 · 26/12/2011 02:40

That is creepy, You should start calling him creepy. It is your child and calling her sexy isn't cute nor endearing it is disgusting and inappropriate.

Santageekmum · 26/12/2011 02:53

Yuck. Go for the "I don't like you referring to my gorgeous dd as sexy - it sounds wrong when you're addressing a four month old. Can you try using a different word please? I would hate for people to get the wrong idea about you."

I've never heard this before - thank goodness the circles I run in are a bit more civilised!

iscream · 26/12/2011 05:24

Both you and your dh must tell him straight out is is very inappropriate to call any child sexy, but to call a baby that is very disturbing.

You are the boss, if they want to spit the dummy and not see the grandchild, it is up to them.

FellatioNelson · 26/12/2011 05:43

There was another thread a few weeks ago about this very same thing - only it was the mother calling the baby son sexy. Sadly, (or perhaps reassuringly depending on your perspective) I don't think there is necessarily anything sinister or weird in it, as the word seems to have been hijcked by the hard-of- thinking masses to describe anything cute, desirable, lovely, exciting etc., but not in a sexual way. It's like the word has taken on a new meaning.

However, I agree that it is icky and inappropriate to direct it at a small child, and I think you should have a polite word with him and ask him to stop.

FellatioNelson · 26/12/2011 05:44

Sorry that reads as if 'sadly he is not a paedophile.' Confused

I meant 'sadly the word has taken on a life of its own and is applied to all sorts'

Arrrrgghh...YKWIM!!!

iscream · 26/12/2011 05:46

Yes,I agree FN. It is like decorators calling a kitchen appliance, or paint colour sexy, I think they are nuts!

CheerfulYank · 26/12/2011 05:53

I hate the term sexy except when used to describe, you know, adult men and women.

A hamburger is not sexy.

A fancy wineglass is not sexy.

A four month old baby is not sexy.

Craig Ferguson is sexy, for clarification. [frgin]

CheerfulYank · 26/12/2011 05:55

Xmas Grin I mean...

Am pissed.

SilentBoob · 26/12/2011 06:13

"I was reading in the paper last week that one shouldn't refer to a baby as sexy. Apparently some people think it's inappropriate. I suppose when you think about it, it is. Aren't people funny? I always say "cute" instead now I've read that - I'd hate anyone to think I was being inappropriate! Ha ha! Anyone for a cuppa? Hasn't it been cold these last two days? Oooh MiL I do like your new blouse!"

FellatioNelson · 26/12/2011 06:21

But the word cute used to be reserved for babies, and fluffy sweet things and puppies, etc. These days (I think it was adopted from the Americans) cute means sexy, in the true sense of the word sexy. So I suppose it was inevitable it would work the other way around! Still icky though...

CheerfulYank · 26/12/2011 06:36

EEWWWWwwwwwWWW!

It kind of does though, Fell. Cute I mean. here. In America. Oh goodness too much wine. Anyway. Coherent thoughts.

Cute can mean attractive as in "ooh that guy is sooo cute" but it does have the undertone of a more little-kid quality...i.e very handsome men are attravctve or hot whereas a man with freckles, etc, who is still attractive is "cute". Skirts can be cute. Puppies are definitely cute.

but no one here says sexy for kids, ick!

runningwilde · 26/12/2011 07:32

That is disgusting, I would politely say that you would like him to stop using that term and be firm with that request. Otherwise, he will keep saying it and if he says it now, imagine how creepy it will sound when she is a toddler and can repeat words.
Also, if you have certain Desmond about him- that he creeps you out, don't dismiss them and don't leave yor baby with them.

runningwilde · 26/12/2011 07:34

For some reason, my phone auto correct changed the word feelings to desmond!! I meant if you have certain feelings about how hw is, dont dismiss that