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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To bring this up with easily offended relatives

71 replies

CBear6 · 26/12/2011 00:29

MIL and her DP have recently gotten back into contact with us after a long estrangement caused by MIL's behaviour and attitude (long, long story spanning several years with a chunk of DH's childhood thrown in for good measure).

At the minute it's a case of let bygones be bygones and I won't mention it of you don't mention it. So it's an open relationship where no topic is off-limits . Still, early days and baby steps, eh?

We've had a DD during the estrangement, this partly contributed to the reunion. She's almost 4mo and MIL's DP, who I'm sure if lovely but is of no blood relation and has not had much to do with either of our children, keeps referring to her as sexy.

"Look at that smile! That's because she knows she's a sexy girl!", "whose a sexy girl?", "oh you're a sexy one, ain't ya?", "come here sexy!" and repeat.

There is nothing at all even remotely sexy about my baby daughter. She soils herself at least once a day, dribbles, wears shirts with ducks on them, sleeps 12+ hours out of any given 24, doesn't work, has no social life, and oh yeah, she's a fucking four month old baby!

Every time he does it I feel physically sick and I immediately take the baby away. I don't think he has an unhealthy interest in her (there is something about him creeps me out but it's entirely unfounded), I just think he's one of those people who overuses the word sexy even when it's not appropriate.

They're very easily offended and the mildest slight, whether real or imagined, can send them into a tizzy of scandalised self-righteous anger resulting in huffs, name-calling, and 14 month long estrangements ....

AIBU to request that they kindly fuck off with calling my baby sexy stop as I don't like it given that the relationship is still on fairly shaky ground and that they are always in the right all of the time and will therefore massively kick off if I say anything?

OP posts:
BelfastRingingOutForXmasBloke · 26/12/2011 08:00

Everyone suggesting ways to phrase it.

If they are easily offended people, then they are going to take offence at this.

Which is why your DH should address it - it's his mother, no?

stuffedauberginexmasdinner · 26/12/2011 08:00

If he's creeping you out go with your instincts and keep him away from your baby. We have these kind of instincts for a reason.

BelfastRingingOutForXmasBloke · 26/12/2011 08:28

Yes and our instincts are NEVER wrong...

HeidiKat · 26/12/2011 08:36

I agree with listening to your gut instinct, if he has always been a bit off then that combined with this sexy thing would make me very wary of letting my child be around him unsupervised, ever. Calling a baby sexy is weird and wrong, I don't see how any reasonable adult could fail to see that.

troisgarcons · 26/12/2011 09:23

"sexy" has been around for 20 odd years at least. I can remember being in a meeting and the immortal phrase "We'll have a hypothetical sexy walk across the rubicon" ..... even that wasn't on my bullshit bingo card of the day.

It's another one of those stupid words that has come into everyday usage, like, "gay"; it's transcended teen-speak and made it's way into adult vocabulary.

Although I have to say I only hear it by David Brent types and on late night TV.

Talia28 · 26/12/2011 09:46

It's like i keep hearing people use the word 'flirt' regarding babies; as in if i'm out & a baby boy smiles at me then i'll say 'how sweet'.
Then the baby's mum will often reply: 'look at him, he keeps flirting with you!'
No, he's a baby fgs! So YANBU. Yuck. So Not right.

FanjoForTheReindeerJumper · 26/12/2011 09:47

If he really did Find your baby sexy in that way I am sure he wouldn't sayit..it's just a word to him, and not really worthy of shock horror, although icky

FanjoForTheReindeerJumper · 26/12/2011 09:48

Calls of don't leave him alone with baby are way OTT IMO, and ridiculous

FanjoForTheReindeerJumper · 26/12/2011 09:51

Pedophiles are much more cunning than to call babies sexy.

troisgarcons · 26/12/2011 09:55

James May uses it on Top Gear.

And lets not get all hysterical - a word only gives ofence if you find it offensive.

Some of these are in extreme poor taste (IMHO) www.cafepress.co.uk/+sexy-girl+baby-bibs

BoxingBiddy · 26/12/2011 09:56

What a strange thing to call a baby. I have never in my life heard anyone say this. MIL sounds weird. I would say something without hesitation.

troisgarcons · 26/12/2011 09:56

www.amazon.com/Too-Sexy-For-My-Bib/dp/B001908C7I

Therefore I would conclude, the word is in common usage, if marketable products are being made and sold.

gamerwidow · 26/12/2011 10:05

YANBU to not like it but it is common usage and I would be reluctant to see anything sinister unless there is something else you're not telling us.
My sister for example often calls 17 month DD "sexy legs" n.b. she does not think my DD is sexually desirable.

ThreeNine · 26/12/2011 10:15

I think this should be nipped in the bud. Later on I would hate my baby to repeat it to others/other babies when she's older!

Miette · 26/12/2011 10:19

What about "You sound like a paedophile when you call the baby sexy. Would you like a cup of tea. MIL I really like that blouse."

donnie · 26/12/2011 10:23

yes, I would say something along the lines of "people who describe babies as sexy are clearly paedophiles" and leave it at that.

olgaga · 26/12/2011 10:25

YANBU. If I heard someone referring to a child of any age as "sexy" it would definitely creep me out.

Agree with other posters that you definitely need to say something along the lines of "Yes she's gorgeous, but I don't know why you keep saying she's sexy - it really is a weird way to refer to a child. Anyone fancy a cup of tea?".

If you don't you'll only get more and more creeped out/angry.

olgaga · 26/12/2011 10:28

RunningWilde there was me thinking that "Desmond" must be yet another new adjective with some kind of cultural significance which had completely passed me by...was just about to Google it, so thanks for the clarification!

Ilovejellysweets · 26/12/2011 10:48

NO, NO This is just not right. You have to tell him to stop it and if they take the hump and clear off it might be for the best. How will you feel when she's 13 and he says it - like ripping his head off. No one is that stupid to think its okay to use this word about a child.

FabbyChic · 26/12/2011 10:51

Colleague at work as a five month old baby boy, when she brings him in for a visit she constantly calls him sexy, sorry its what people do it means nothing.

I've seen it on facebook pages too.

You are over thinking.

FanjoForTheReindeerJumper · 26/12/2011 10:54

It's far more offensive to tell them they sound like paedophiles IMO

Gay40 · 26/12/2011 11:00

I wouldn't like it. Children are not sexy.

But your gut instinct is telling you something is off. NEVER ignore your instinct, even if it is, as you say, totally unfounded. Not suggesting your brand the man a paedophile, but do not ignore that inner voice.

BastedTurkey · 26/12/2011 11:02

Yanbu, could you laughingly say "sexy? really? you do realise how that makes you sound?" if you are trying not to upset the easily offended

Ilovejellysweets · 26/12/2011 11:30

If you really feel you should be diplomatic then what about - " auck don't call her sexy, I don't like that word for a baby" if it doesn't stop then you know he's trying to annoy you and in that case then it's "right hit it on the head or don't come back". Good luck

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2011 11:36

There is nothing at all even remotely sexy about my baby daughter. She soils herself at least once a day, dribbles, wears shirts with ducks on them, sleeps 12+ hours out of any given 24, doesn't work, has no social life

To be fair, that describes most of the men around here

Yet some women still think they're sexy Xmas Grin