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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

well she didnt turn up un-announced (yet) however she has text!

62 replies

MaryPoppinsMagic · 21/12/2011 11:21

I started a thread last week about the expected arrival of my mil during this week to bring a present for dd (I can't link as I'm on my phone) we don't speak to mil however she usualy turns up and launches presents at me for dd.

Well she hasn't turned up yet. However she sent dp a text last night it read 'I want to bring dgc all of her christmas presents, I am coming on friday I suggest you make sure she is there'

Those are the exact words, dp has not replied as of yet but I personally think he should tell her to bog off..

Aibu? What would you do? Her coming round is not an option

OP posts:
YuleingFanjo · 21/12/2011 11:22

I would go out. Can he text back and ask what time and then you make sure you are out at that time. NHot read your other thread so not sure of the back-story but presumably DH supports you in this?

ImperialBlether · 21/12/2011 11:22

Does she live a long way from you? If so couldn't you say, "We are away in Florida for two weeks. If you want to leave presents for dgc please leave them with next door neighbour."

Then go out for the day after warning your neighbour?

usualsuspect · 21/12/2011 11:23

I think she should be allowed to give her grandchildren presents,but I don't know your history

MN is full of MIL moaning threads today

OldGreyWassailTest · 21/12/2011 11:23

Your reply? "Bin bag tied to door handle, please leave presents in it."

troisgarcons · 21/12/2011 11:24

Her tone is incredibly rude.

I'd borrow someones rottweiler and leave it in the porch Grin

Exactly what is she going to do if Dc isn't there?

I would go out and leave your DH to deal with his mother. End of. Can't remember the history but I don't take too kindly to veiled threats.

ImperialBlether · 21/12/2011 11:25

The previous thread is here

NinkyNonker · 21/12/2011 11:25

She sounds charming.

squeakytoy · 21/12/2011 11:30

Just reply to her the same as she did to your husband (in previous thread), with "get stuffed".

ISayHolmes · 21/12/2011 11:31

"I suggest you make sure she is there" sounds like some weird intimidation/threat tactic. Go out and let her know you're not interested so if she does show up no one will be there.

troisgarcons · 21/12/2011 11:32

There are just times - and this is one of them - when you just wish we could all watch via webcam .....

YuleingFanjo · 21/12/2011 11:32

ok - I have read the back story. Is your DP really being as firm as he could be? He sounds like he's thinking along the same lines but maybe not reinforcing it enough.

I would go out but with your mindees I guess that's not possible. Do you have a chain on the door?

AKMD · 21/12/2011 11:32

I haven't read the other thread but the text alone would be enough to make sure I was out.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 21/12/2011 11:32

imperial thank you for linking it for me

Luckily I have no mindees on friday so I am going out with my mum to do the christmas food shop, so hopefully if she does decide to just show up then me and dd won't be here till the evening.

The woman drives me mad, dp is now stressed out because she just seems to think she can do what she likes!

OP posts:
Yulewithadragontattoo · 21/12/2011 11:35

I said this on the last thread and I still think it's right. Set a time for her to visit (when mindees not around), let her drop presents and wish her DGD a Merry Xmas. Then she will go away and you will stop worrying about her. She sounds horrible but I think it's only fair to your DD that you allow her to have a small relationship with her GM which she may want to build on later.

OriginalJamie · 21/12/2011 11:36

isn't it texted?

MmeReindor · 21/12/2011 11:36

I would get DP to reply. Be honest and firm.

"Mum. You were extremely unkind to Mary this summer, and caused a lot of problems between us. Since you cannot be civil to the woman I love, I do not wish to see you. If you wish to pass presents on to DD, then you can leave them at house. Do not come to the house.".

2rebecca · 21/12/2011 11:40

Your husband can arrange with his mum to be in or not as he sees fit. Your daughter won't be seeing the present until xmas day so best she is out. Your husband can accept the gift and hide it away. She can't do what she likes. she has said she is coming round. Text her back and change if it sisn't convenient. I'd go out ant leave her to your husband.

ballstoit · 21/12/2011 11:55

I second what MmeReindor suggests. In fact I'd copy it word for word if I was you op.

pugsandseals · 21/12/2011 12:02

Shame you're going out! As you're a childminder I would have got DP to send a text to his mother saying that you have a change of plan. You have ofsted visiting you on Friday & will fail the inspection if you have anyone visiting who is not CRB checked. To ensure the continuation of the livelihood that helps keep darling grandaughter, we would appreciate it if you stayed away.

Then get a friend to park in your drive. If she does turn up & have the balls to knock on the door, your DP can freak at her at a later date - you've lost your livelihood etc. etc. & will never speak to her again! Xmas Grin
I am evil aren't I???

smellsofreindeersick · 21/12/2011 12:04

Agree with MmeReindor and Ballstoit time she learnt that there are consequences to behaving like that towards people.

Jux · 21/12/2011 12:22

Pugsandseals, there's a danger that if she knew that she was endangering their livelihood that it would make her more determined to turn up, though. She sounds like she might delight in f*ing everything up as much as she can. Then she could go to solicitor on grounds that they can't look after dd as op has lost her job and is therefore an unfit person etc etc etc. Of course, none of it would be true, but she would think it was, iyswim.

Arrange to be out. Don't reply to the email at all.

Or ensure dh is there and dd is out. Maybe she could have a sleepover at your mum's that night?

pugsandseals · 21/12/2011 12:27

Let her waste her money on solicitors - you could then deny everything & she'd look very stupid.

IMO better to bring things to a head before xmas than spend the rest of your lives wondering when she's just going to turn up! Been there, done that & it's not a nice place to be!!!

TheMonster · 21/12/2011 12:32

Just all go out and ignore the text.

stealthsquiggle · 21/12/2011 12:33

I would go with MmeR's suggestion - get DP to text her back and say that she should leave presents with a third party, if there is a suitable one.

Cankulzof · 21/12/2011 12:34

I heart Mme. He should send exactly that.

DH said something similar to MIL after she was particularly unpleasant once.

She's been playing the contrite-yet-wounded puppy, but she's so taken aback by her son standing up to her that we've had no problems ever since.