to not want to be addressed by my husband's first name?

[makeminemango]

Okay, tail end of a huge argument here. It started when I disagreed that a friend addressed her Christmas card to us as Mr and Mrs husband's first name then surname. This has come up before when FIL sent a package. DH gets really put out and says that I am not following protocol. I just don't agree that I am Mrs husband's first name then our joing surname; okay Mrs Makeminemango surname. I just think its a bit archaic....

Do they actually call you that to your face? If not, then YABU.

God, I hear you. I haven't even taken my husband's surname and I've had it on EVERY. BLOOD. CARD from his side of the family. Really gets on my wick

Archaic ... but correct protocol.

Which is why I kept my own name when I got married!

huge argument..really?

Yup we get that too

It used to annoy me but now
Dates from before women had the vote and were chattels
People who do it cant help being old fashioned fuddy duddies

We get cards addressed to Mr & Mrs DP, and we're not even married.

I can't bear it, either. Just can't bear it.

YABU - I HATE IT!!!!!!! I have my own very lovely name, please use it, how hard is it to write one other forename on an envelope FCS?

Not worth bothering about IMO - just makes it easier to address the card.

I haven't had things addressed to me with husband's first name but I've certainly had it with his surname even though I haven't taken it and it really doesn't bother me. It would make for a bit of a long 1st line of the address to have Ms. Firstname Lastname and Mr. Firstname Lastname

YANBU, it is totally archaic and very annoying!

Oh get over it. Its correct etiquette .

Would it make you feel better if the envelope were addressed to:Mr and Mrs Mary Smith? As opposed to Mr and Mrs John Smith.

I love DH and his first name, which is my favourite man's name ever but my name is not Mrs Timothy Gussets.

Just

No

OP, YANBU

Didn't we have this thread just a few days ago? It's an envelope. It does its job and then gets thrown in the bin.

What's the point of getting het up about it?

and breathe. What I love about mumnet is that responses both soothe my ego whilst at the same time shake it up a bit to make me stop and think about my own reactions. Other people and PIL don't call me it face to face and i know its a small matter, but it seems to hit a raw nerve in DH. But that's another post for another night

BTW - just to piss off up the thread ... if people are married and she has chosen to keep her fathers name - I still address as Mr and Mrs John Smith - because that too is correct etiquette

Yes,rollergirl exactly the same thread wrapped a few days ago!

I don't care ...I look for the sentiment behind the card/letter. :)

I think i might start addressing my cards by how I really think of them. So:

"That woman from my youth that I don't really remember that my mum insists i send a card to. And family." Followed by address.

"One of many DH's uncle & aunts +cousins + grandkids." Followed by address.

"The bitch i never liked that always sends me a card. And family." Followed by address

"My bezzie mate that couldn't care if i send a card let alone how i addressed it. And family."

I have no problem with Mr & Mrs John Smith but seriously object to Mrs John Smith.

I quite like the Mr and Mrs John Smith on envelopes.

Etiquette shmeticquette.

I cannot stand it.

trois, I assume that there is no way you can possibly actually be serious

because

1. I didn't choose to "keep my father's name", I chose to keep my own name. I got my name exactly the same way as my father got his, and it's just as much mine as it is his. So I kept it.

and

2. It is in no sense "correct etiquette" address someone in a way they have specifically asked not to be addressed. Which I did (actually my husband did for me) when we got married. Very clearly. Actually I think the 'Mr and Mrs' envelopes piss him off even more than they do me..

I detest it. I kept my own bloody name and we still get cards addressed to Mr & Mrs John Smith. My name is not Smith, as I have made well known, and it is certainly bloody well not John!

It just seems as if our identity is subsumed into our husbands once we are married. It's odd - we were together 7 years before we married and no one seemed to struggle to see me or address me as an individual in my own right but now I have a ring on my finger they do. Sometimes I wish we had never done it. It depresses me.

cross it out and return to sender 'person unknown at this address'

troisgarcons - wait a second. An adult woman not changing her name has her father's name.. whilst her husband has his surname?

That doesn't even make any sense.

Why can women not own their surname (from their father), whilst men can (from their father)?

Surely you mean "a woman's fathers name" vs. "a woman's father in laws name", by your logic.

I say this as a woman who did change her name at the wedding,btw. I just never really understood why people are so illogical about this sort of thing. And OP I dont think you are being unreasonable, although it might be correct etiquette none of my friends would call us Mr & Mrs John Jones (etc) on cards... it would feel odd, it's sort of not really acknowledging i'm a recipient! So whilst it might be incorrect to address it any other way, people that know me would normally just write Mr & Mrs Jones - or better yet, Scott and Fran (etc)

Oh goodness, it annoys me so much! Must get out more ... but ... who got to write the rules on etiquette anyway? (A man I'm guessing!) I took my husband's surname because it was my choice, but I do not want to be addressed by his first name at all and care not for etiquette. Rant over!