to not want to be addressed by my husband's first name?

[makeminemango]

Okay, tail end of a huge argument here. It started when I disagreed that a friend addressed her Christmas card to us as Mr and Mrs husband's first name then surname. This has come up before when FIL sent a package. DH gets really put out and says that I am not following protocol. I just don't agree that I am Mrs husband's first name then our joing surname; okay Mrs Makeminemango surname. I just think its a bit archaic....

Thanks KP, its food for thought. Although I spent most of my life hoping I might be able to drop my crappy surname one day only to find The One who has an even crappier one....

I dislike it but ignore it.....except with somebody who used to send me a card who I didn't like (he was a pompous prat) so one year I sent a card addressed to Mrs and Mr Fiona Smith and he hated it...I was off their card list after that, I was gutted

This makes me so mad! I'm married but haven't taken DH's surname (I'm Ms Buttonspoon) but we get cards addressed to Mr and Mrs DH's surname and also Mr and Mrs DH's firstname surname - from our friends! My PILs don't do it all the time, though they sometimes forget. But my friends? I mean really? I've not changed my name on Facebook or anywhere else they might see it yet they still do this. For goodness sake it's nearly 2012! Arghhhhh!

I don't think anyone has commented on the Ms for a very long time vivi. Maybe when I was 18 and doing it to make a point (and also it was a lot less common then as I am vair vair old), but nowadays no-one really bothers. And how many times do you really say your title, IYSWIM? I answer the phone 'WilsonFrickett', I make appointments for 'WilsonFrickett', when I phone school about DS I say 'it's WilsonFrickett, JnrDHname's mum here'. I don't recall saying 'Ms' out loud very often.

Etiquette evolves. And the point of it is (or should be) to be polite and considerate and to make other people feel comfortable.

So if you address cards to 'Mr and Mrs HisFirstName HisSurname' when you know that person does not like to be addressed that way, then you are rude. I mean, how hard is it to address it to 'Mr andMrs HisSurname' (if she's changed her name) or 'The Hersurname-HisSurnames' (if she hasn't).

I kept my own name when I married (and am Mrs MyName, to anyone who's interested) and the first Christmas that I received a whole load of cards - from both sides of the family, from my friends and his - addressed to 'Mr & Mrs Hisname', it didn't really bother me that much, but now it's really starting to irk me. I am me. I've always been me and I'm going to continue to be me. Forever! Grrrrrrrr...

ViviPru another Ms Myname here. It's neat and tidy and I like it a lot. Definitely prefer titles only to be used in formal situations though my favourite envelopes were the ones addressed to L. Splinters and H. DH (or vice versa).

I'm with you. Long first line? Easier to write? FFS, it's not that hard!
If it's such a trauma writing the extra - correct - name then just write "Smiths" + address.
But then I am a married Miss I don't really do being re-named according to marital status.

What is this 'correct etiquette'?
SURELY people can change etiquette which is perfectly obviously addressing a woman as some sort of en-suite facility?
I daresay it is still 'correct etiquette' for women to give up their job as soon as they get married, 'correct etiquette' for the aristicracy to whip some blameless child instead of putting their junior Rt Hon on the naughty step - but modern sensibility, a keen sense of courtesy and common sense have prevailed.