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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about this couple. Who are supposed to be our best friends, putting us in a very awkward position!

68 replies

Birthdaygirl30 · 20/12/2011 20:40

Long story short.

A weekend away was suggested between 13 friends for my 30th/joint birthday celebration as most of us have birthdays in dec/jan/feb/mar.

I found a cottage, worked out around £50 per person from Fri-Mon at the end of Feb.

I sent them all an email, they agree and over the course of 4 weeks everyone put the money in my spare account that I don't use. ONCE I had all the money I booked said cottage and paid in full. The link I sent them all very clearly said no refunds.

Cottage was booked at the beginning of Dec.

A few days ago I got a text message of female of the couple saying they had to pull out as they assumed I had booked in half term n didnt want their little girl to miss school. Fair enough, but as others in the group have suggested, shes 4 years old, they could drive up at 3, be here by teatime n leave sunday afternoon as others are doing because of their children. I am no in england so half terms are at a different time to theirs anyway and half term wasnt mentioned at all.

I did suggest they still come but the male doesnt want to do this.

Before I go any further, I will say that I had organised my MIL to look after their little girl for the weekend too!

I forwarded text to DH and he said, they will want their money back now. I was sure they wouldnt. If you booked a hotel n have to cancel you dont get a refund! Anyway they have asked for it back.

I have told them the money has been paid in full to the cottage and there are no refunds. So he TOLD us to message the rest of the group and tell them (not ask) to pay extra to cover their loss.

We did, they all said no, they knew the dates, they could still come if they wanted but are being awkward.

The male is getting really arsey with my DH now n hes a born worried. The rest of the group are all backing us up, we are trying to find replacements as well so they can get their money back this way.

But I am fuming he has put us in this position. He now wants my DH to order the other people of the group to pay the extra. The all went to primary school together the males of the group, girls have just become friends as well :)

Is he right to expect us to be out of pocket so he isnt?

OP posts:

stubborncow · 20/12/2011 20:42

I would agree that they are being unreasonable.
If the money is so important to them, you'd really think they'd have checked the dates before agreeing to it.

trixie123 · 20/12/2011 20:44

absolutely not, they knew the deal, they paid, end of story. Best solution is to find replacements but if not then tough. Hard for your DP but if he is backed by the other friends then he should stick to his guns - anyway, if they are all friends, surely the guy with the problem could email the others himself?

Hulababy · 20/12/2011 20:45

Did they know the dates before it was booked?

mummymccar · 20/12/2011 20:46

He sounds like a bit of a bully to be honest. YADNBU - just repeat what you've already told him once more and leave it at that. Why on earth didn't he check the dates before paying? How ridiculous of him!

LaurieFairyCake · 20/12/2011 20:46

They are being unreasonable. Ignore them.

WhingingNinja · 20/12/2011 20:46

You cannot force other people to pay more than agreed.
It is the couples own fault for not checking dates prior to agreeing to the booking. the fault lies with them.

tell them that you do not feel it fair that they are pressurising you and that you are upset that they value their £50 above your friendship as if they persue this this way it is likley to cause damage to your relationship/

Original poster

Birthdaygirl30 · 20/12/2011 20:47

He Lives ten minutes away from most of them at most! Sees them all more than we do as we are 200 miles away! So yes, he could of. DH says hes known for this kind of behaviour. Hes a high earner. Not skint like most of the group. He earns 5 times what my DH does and Im a SAHM, but If we could afford it I'd be tempted to give him his money back to stop the awkwardness :(

OP posts:

whackamole · 20/12/2011 20:48

They are definitely being unreasonable. And it's really out of order to try and put the pressure on your husband because they didn't double check the dates before saying yes!

And for £50!

Cherriesarelovely · 20/12/2011 20:50

This happened recently to a friend of mine. She booked a "girls holiday" to Spain for herself and several other mothers and then one suddenly dropped out and wanted her money back. I'm sorry to say they fell out about it since all of the other women going agreed that it had been made very clear that there were no refunds. I think the best that you can offer is that you will try to get someone else to take their place (or perhaps they could) but you and your friends are under no obligation to pay more so that they are refunded. Good luck, I hate situations like this!

thatboysmum · 20/12/2011 20:50

It is their problem. As stubborn said if the money was that important they should have made sure they could definitely go before handing it over. It sounds like you have tried to help them work out alternative arrangements but it's not good enough. I would just tell them once more I have tried doing x, y and z to resolve it but there's nothing more I can do, the offer is still there to come if you choose to and leave it at that. They are being unreasonable.

Original poster

Birthdaygirl30 · 20/12/2011 20:51

They did know the dates. Its £96 altogether. for the two of them.

OP posts:

JarethTheGoblinKing · 20/12/2011 20:51

They ABU. They should have checked the dates!

It's not even like they can't attend anymore.. they can make it with a bit of effort... actually.. will you want them to come now? Is it worth refunding them so they don't darken your door

StealthPolarBear · 20/12/2011 20:52

Do not even think about paying it. Otoh this should not be your decision. You need to tell the others and say in your opinion, it was non refundable and so you will not be paying. If he others want to, they can. Think they'll all back you up. He sounds very controlling.

BluddyMoFo · 20/12/2011 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Birthdaygirl30 · 20/12/2011 20:55

We have asked the whole group about paying the extra £10 per person n they all said no.

jareth thats my worry, I did suggest they could still make it, they would be there 3 hours later than planned the fri n we will all be hungover/knackered on the sun eve so they wont miss much, but now I fear it will be awkward if they do decide to come! We may have found one person to replace them so at least they get half the money back

OP posts:

Tortington · 20/12/2011 20:55

if you are all friends, the sharing of e-mail addresses will not be out of bounds.

i would send all of them an e-mail saying that you wish to withdraw from teh discussion as you feel very uncomfortable (

BratinghamPalace · 20/12/2011 20:56

Pass him on to the people you rented the cottage from - let him argue with them and then it is their fault and not yours. YANBU - he is.

LaFilleSurLePont · 20/12/2011 20:57

YANBU.Remain firm. Why should everyone else pay for their error? They're trying to bully you. You're better off without 'friends' like that.

RomanChristingle · 20/12/2011 20:59

They have cancelled after you have paid for the cottage. They have got no right to hassle you or the rest of the group for money. And if they wish to hassle the rest of the group they should be doing it themselves - not asking your dh to do it. Ditto finding replacements.
I would send a final email saying sorry you won't be paying for their place and not respond to anything else unless it's an apology. CCing the rest of the group in is a good idea too. It sounds like they're taking advantage of your dh's good nature and if you fall out over this it will be no great loss - and entirely their doing.

RomanChristingle · 20/12/2011 21:01

That's a really good idea Bratingham!

hocuspontas · 20/12/2011 21:01

They are only missing out on the Monday! What's the matter with them? They would still have had to leave after school on the Friday even if it was half-term the following week.

Callisto · 20/12/2011 21:04

They are your 'best friends'? Really? Cos in my world this is not how best friends act. I would have told him to fuck off by now tbh. Friends don't piss on other friends like that, and over £100.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 20/12/2011 21:06

Have they got travel insurance with their bank account or something? There's tiny a chance they might be able to claim.. but I doubt it.

tbh.. give the room to the replacement person and refund them half to make sure they can't come

Original poster

Birthdaygirl30 · 20/12/2011 21:09

:o jareth

I will leave it for tonight n give myself a chance to calm down. Tomorrow I will send a group message to everyone, inc the couple. See if it calms him down. He's known to split bills in restauants by itemising things lol n paying to the penny!

OP posts:

JarethTheGoblinKing · 20/12/2011 21:11

They sound like loads of fun!

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