AIBU about this couple. Who are supposed to be our best friends, putting us in a very awkward position!

[Birthdaygirl30]

Long story short.

A weekend away was suggested between 13 friends for my 30th/joint birthday celebration as most of us have birthdays in dec/jan/feb/mar.

I found a cottage, worked out around £50 per person from Fri-Mon at the end of Feb.

I sent them all an email, they agree and over the course of 4 weeks everyone put the money in my spare account that I don't use. ONCE I had all the money I booked said cottage and paid in full. The link I sent them all very clearly said no refunds.

Cottage was booked at the beginning of Dec.

A few days ago I got a text message of female of the couple saying they had to pull out as they assumed I had booked in half term n didnt want their little girl to miss school. Fair enough, but as others in the group have suggested, shes 4 years old, they could drive up at 3, be here by teatime n leave sunday afternoon as others are doing because of their children. I am no in england so half terms are at a different time to theirs anyway and half term wasnt mentioned at all.

I did suggest they still come but the male doesnt want to do this.

Before I go any further, I will say that I had organised my MIL to look after their little girl for the weekend too!

I forwarded text to DH and he said, they will want their money back now. I was sure they wouldnt. If you booked a hotel n have to cancel you dont get a refund! Anyway they have asked for it back.

I have told them the money has been paid in full to the cottage and there are no refunds. So he TOLD us to message the rest of the group and tell them (not ask) to pay extra to cover their loss.

We did, they all said no, they knew the dates, they could still come if they wanted but are being awkward.

The male is getting really arsey with my DH now n hes a born worried. The rest of the group are all backing us up, we are trying to find replacements as well so they can get their money back this way.

But I am fuming he has put us in this position. He now wants my DH to order the other people of the group to pay the extra. The all went to primary school together the males of the group, girls have just become friends as well :)

Is he right to expect us to be out of pocket so he isnt?

No way I would be giving them the money back. Who doesn't check dates before agreeing to a holiday booking?!?

Dump your 'friends'. This would be an ideal opportunity to do it.

You said no refunds, they knew the dates - the mistake is theirs, and they are being knobs.

Agree with others, they are tight knobbers!

Agree with everyone else - they are not your friends, they are just some tight bastards that you went to school with

YANBU and I would go so far as to say it's not down to you to find someone to take their place either. If they want to recoup their money then they should be looking for a replacement couple, failing that they should pay up and shut up!

Agree with most people here - tight knobs, don't give them money and group-copy everyone else into every communication you have with them from now on!
He sounds like an utter prick - and not worth hanging on to, IMO.

Cheeky sods!

Have you spoken to your female friend from the couple? How mortifying to have your DH act that way. Still, she ought to have stepped if she was aware all this was afoot.

I totally concur with everything Dozer says.

YADNBU. The terms are "no refunds". So they don't get a refund. It's very very simple.

YADNBU. Why do some people find the concept of deposit/no refunds so hard to grasp?

Ignore his bullying. Tbf if it were me I would have no problems with awkwardness from 200 miles away, if the others who live closer are sticking to their guns you can too.

YADNBU!! Am making an assumption here that everyone has paid the same amount? I.e. everyone, including yourself, has paid a set amount, but it has fallen to you to physically pass the money on and make the booking? Therefore, why should you be out of pocket more than anyone else just because you booked it?! You can't get it back from the cottage, so no dice, am afraid. You've done everything in your power to facilitate their participation, offered numerous solutions, and they knew the score so it's not your responsibility! Don't give them a penny - they can take it up with the owner themselves or ask the other friends themselves to cover their costs - it's definitely not your position to do all the cajoling and cost covering because they've changed their minds. I'd send a group email stating a firm no, and passing the details on if they want to take it further, and then leave well alone - they're not coming on the trip and you live 200 miles away from them, leave them to sulk it out on their own time!
Good luck with it all!!
XxX

YAB a doormat. It's not your problem or your responsibility to find replacements or run around chasing your friends for money.

The man sounds terrible.
Don't give them any money, do as others have said tell him to ask the other members of the group if he wants them to pay his share and I would word it in a way that makes him sound like a pathetic scrounger who is willinging to see others pay for his mistake.
I wouldn't invite him to any more social gatherings, if someone else does then fair enough. Cc all emails too so everyone is aware of what is happening. Then walk away, let him know that you personally won't pay, end of.
he sounds awful and it is probably a good thing he won't be going.

I like Dozer's approach. Maybe adding that great Civil Service passive aggressive 'we are unable to help you further... '

You owe them nothing, pay them nothing.

Sorry didnt have chance to come on yesterday.

We havent heard anything else. DH just chose to ignore.

We have all paid the same amount, we have some single people going so I broke it down to per person, rather than per couple.

If we do hear anything else from him will update as I know how annoying it is when people dont update

He sounds like a prat. I am guessing that whether or not you refund him, the friendship is over because things like this do a lot of damage. I would have either given them the money back then felt annoyed and not wanted to stay friends or not given them the money back then felt annoyed and not wanted to stay friends.

All the best

I would just say;
'I'm sorry you aren't able to come, it would've been nice to see you. The money isn't refundable as far as I know but you could always ask the cottage - (and it's all come out of my account now). But I'm sure everyone would be fine if you find someone to take your place. I've cc'd in everyone in case anyone else has any other ideas of replacements etc'

That sounds friendly, non-confrontational and you don't need to be involved in any other way. Just then ignore any other emails. Also, it puts the inputus on them to find a replacement/find out that they can't be refunded etc.

they are being unreasonable. they need to find a replacement to get the mmoney back or take the loss on the chin. Also why should you emial everyone to arrange a refund? Why can't they do it directly? They don't want to take part even though they agreed in the first place.