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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not like this type of AIBU response.

57 replies

bupa84 · 17/12/2011 19:29

A person posts about something which is important to them but may be fairly trivial in the scheme of things.
A poster responds basicially saying you are so lucky if that's all you have got to worry about.
They do not know about op's life and what challenges they have.

OP posts:
scentednappyhag · 17/12/2011 19:30

Haven't you got anything bigger to worry about? Hmm

Grin YANBU

Sirzy · 17/12/2011 19:31

Yanbu, it's almost like saying you can only be worried about something if it's very serious.

RecursiveMoon · 17/12/2011 19:32

bupa84, you're so lucky if that's all you have to worry about Grin.

SnapesMistressofMerriment · 17/12/2011 19:33

It also assumes that if you have a small problem you want a solution too you must have no big problems. Nonsensical and unkind.

rhondajean · 17/12/2011 19:33

Cant believe some of the things people post about. Have you people nothing else to worry about?

;-)

KateMiddlet0n · 17/12/2011 19:33

I think it depends what they're worrying about. Something that is relatively important to them but not the most terrible thing in the world, fair enough. Something that is so petty and unimportant that only someone with nothing in their life at all could find dreadful - well they need telling for their own good.

microserf · 17/12/2011 19:50

my pet peeve is the posters who write in with a legitimate complaint like "the bus driver kicked me off the bus with newborn twins miles from home in the snow"

and then the next 10 posts are: god, do you think the world revolves around YOU just because YOU've had a baby?

i may be exaggerating for comedic effect. but i hate reading the holier than thou parents who think no allowances should be made for anyone with kids.

TheChristmasTreeSurgeonsMate · 17/12/2011 19:54

YANBU

Molehillmountain · 17/12/2011 20:11

Yanbu. But sometimes I find it helpful to know the range of opinions people have when they're not trying to get along with you in real life. I guess that's different from the devil's advocate type responses where it seems the poster is cross with the world and just wants to disagree with someone. And it's really funny how a set of responses with one opinion will be swiftly followed by a set that thinks the opposite when someone steps in and says what a pasting the op's getting!

Goolash · 17/12/2011 20:14

yanbu

I enjoy the posts about the more unimportant dilemmas. I take it as bloody obvious that if someone posts "aibu to send back this sweater because it was turquoise and not aqua marine as stated", that they're not sobbing into their soup about it.

KateMiddlet0n · 17/12/2011 20:23

I get annoyed when very occasionally people tip up with "how dare you be mean about your MIL? My beloved MIL has just died and left a gaping whole in our life!" Just not relevant really is it.

However, the "Christmas is totally ruined and my children will be scarred for life because MIL nipped out for a fag break between main course and pudding" types do need a virtual shake and maybe a dose of perspective.

squeakytoy · 17/12/2011 20:26

Some people really do post the most inane shite, that makes you wonder if they need someone to tell them which side of the bed they should get out of in a morning.. Grin

KittyFane · 17/12/2011 20:31

I find that the first person to post on a thread often dictates the way the thread goes for the first half page or so on AIBU threads.
Scroll down a bit and you often start to see a more varied response.
Also, the time of day makes a difference- people can be narkier late at night ( Wine ?!)

PeggyCarter · 17/12/2011 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TCOB · 17/12/2011 20:33

YApossiblyBU. Sometimes they are little things which with a bit of perspective would really help with. And occasionally the written equivalent of a cup of cold water can help.

YonderRevoltingPeasantWhoIsHe · 17/12/2011 20:37

What's a gaping whole? Wink

YANBU in general. Some people do need a shake but clearly I'm not one of them and when I posted once about something a doctor said to me which I found upsetting I got told I was inappropriate, to get a grip etc, and it can be really unhelpful. I wouldn't've minded measured YABUs but when someone is upset the 'tough shit' approach isn't particularly useful, even if it is AIBU.

AgentZigzag · 17/12/2011 20:38

It's sometimes good to get inane shit in perspective by posting a thread about it, but then sometimes it can take a turn in the direction of what the OP is really wanting (but was much to scared) to post about.

I'd much prefer to focus on the smaller shit going on in someone elses life than the shit (big or small) going on in my own.

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 17/12/2011 22:00

It drives me nuts.

No matter what is going on in your life, someone, somewhere is having it much worse.

Does that mean that what you are going through isn't affecting you? No. And it is upsetting to have someone tell you to shut up about it. Which is basically what "be grateful that's all you've got to worry about / I wish that was all I had to worry about" type responses are.

Even the most trivial thing in the world matters if it is upsetting you and nobody has the right to tell you that it doesn't, just because they think either they, or someone they know, or someone somewhere in the world, has a 'worse' problem.

BeerGrinchPotter · 17/12/2011 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/12/2011 22:16

The only posters I have no time for are the ones who post generalising twaddle about sending kids to boarding school and so on, asking for permission to judge... utterly pathetic. Be a judgemental moron all you like, surely you don't need anybody else to validate you. Hmm

Ditto any similar judgemental thread that is posted to cut down swathes of other posters and try to put them in their place.

prizeelliott · 17/12/2011 22:26

I agree entirely...surely the point of mumsnet is not to attempt to slag people off in the wittyest way possible...rather to offer support to others in a similar boat??!!
Well said BeerGrinchPotter, we will end up with no-one wanting to post for fear of the reply! What is the point if what is written is not respectful and kind? Even if you dissagree! Oh god do I sound like a [social worker] peace and love hippy! (sorry social workers! sure the vas t majority of you are assertive and ruthless!)
Oh I give up...just slag everyone off and make sure you out do their problems in an attempt to make them feel shitter than they did before!

Molehillmountain · 17/12/2011 23:19

As a wise woman once said to me "you don't have to lie naked and starving in the gutter to be entitled to feel a bit disgruntled by your lot". Otherwise, we all end up being Pollyanna on the outside and a seething mass of resentment inside.

Proudnscary · 18/12/2011 07:52

When some posters get in a massive lather/fury over something that others truly regard as ridiculous, then it's perfectly fine to hand them a grip.

For eg 'a rude woman in Waitrose NEARLY knocked my baby's pram when she pushed past - should I report her to my local councilor/police' or 'my 3 year old dd has not been invited to a birthday party - should I send the mother this incredibly OTT and vicious email?'

ageperfect · 18/12/2011 08:26

ynbu. Everyone deserves an answer without further comments or assumption about posters situation. There are things which are for me maybe very frustrating but someone else will find them totally unimportant but still,there is no need for being rude.....Wine

Dawndonnathatchristmasiscoming · 18/12/2011 08:30

yanbu. Just because other people have different problems, it doesn't make them less valid.

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