to not like this type of AIBU response.

[bupa84]

A person posts about something which is important to them but may be fairly trivial in the scheme of things.
A poster responds basicially saying you are so lucky if that's all you have got to worry about.
They do not know about op's life and what challenges they have.

"well they need telling for their own good." Delightful.

YABU. Don't people realise that Mumsnet is only here for discussion of the most serious problems?

If you start an AIBU you have no control over how it turns out. (if you can't face it, don't start it).

Nice.

The thing about the ridiculous situation that has upset someone beyond belief though, is that often that's not the real problem. It's more like a focus for rage about something else, or the straw that broke the camel's back or something. If you go in all guns blazing, saying how stupid they are, then they get upset, close down, go on the attack, whatever. But if you can phrase your response in a different way, get them to really look at what it is they are saying, give them that time and attention that they are looking for, they sometimes move the discussion on to the real issue - which is often serious marital problems, or worry about a child, or ill health. iyswim.

Yes, I know what you mean. A similar thing happened to me the other day. I tried to get around this by saying, "I know this post is trivial, but I do know what a problem is as x, y & z happened to me. Although I am not posting about those things".

What happened, was that people focused on the x, y & z even though I only mentioned them to show that I do know what a proper problem is.

If you seek advice you are utterly mad to go on AIBU!! It sets you up for everyone saying YABU. If you want caring advice then go to the relevant topic.
The problem with AIBU is that people clearly think they are not, and want everyone to agree, they then get upset when they don't. They very rarely listen,they flounce off. There was a lovely one recently where everyone said that she was unreasonable and she took it on board, came back (after some unpleasant posts) and changed her mind. That is very rare and she got an enormous amount of respect for it.
There is no courtesy in AIBU and I would never start a thread there. Read a few first to get the general idea.

You have to bear in mind that people don't bother reading the thread, they read the first post and wade in, extremely annoying when OP had changed her mind two pages back. I think that people not reading and keeping up to date is more annoying than anything else.

I think the problem with AIBU is that it is the place to go if you want people to see your post. Post practically anywhere else and you can drop off the board without ever being seen. So do you go where the people will see you and risk having your arse handed to you, or do you go to one of the million subtopics that are all and risk only being discovered 14 years later, all cobwebby and covered in dust.

x-post - oh YES! If you are going to contribute to a thread, read it! How many times has the op updated, changed their mind, whatever and people are still giving them a kicking, even though show's over folks!!

If you do that, not only are you wasting your time posting something that is meaningless because things have moved on, but you are just piling in to give the op a kicking and - you look a fool.

If you don't "have time" to read the thread (or at least the posts by the OP!)- don't post on it! That way you can be sure that you don't look like a twat.

yanbu. i also hate the abusive one liners i.e "your a cunt" etc really is there a need???

has happened me in AIBU threads i started ... on second page said "yes i agree i was bu you have made me see that" ... scroll on to page 4 and the abuse in unreal because that silly poster didnt read the thread!!!

I see AIBU as a bit of fun-not serious advice. I think that some people see it as an opportunity to be rude. Many just apply their own situation and let of steam-it actually has nothing to do with OP.
Maybe it would do better if it wasn't the first topic to come up as you scroll down. It is the one place everyone sees-I often give up before I get to chat.

They don't even read the post before. Yesterday I said 'read the thread-she changed her mind completely 20 posts back!' and yet the very next person waded in without even reading it. You sometimes don't want to read it all but you should get some of the later ones to see where the thread went.

I know what you mean exotic, but I don't think there's any 'should' about it. We can all post/read/respond exactly how we like.

And to the posters who say 'I made it abundantly clear it was trivial, why the abuse?', it's a bit like celebrities moaning about giving an interview about their work with the homeless then seeing the headline for the interview is 'I love my curvy figure' because that's the one that grabs attention.

If you post here you just can't control how it will go. Unless gratuitiously nasty, people can tell you you're being a wally if that's what they think.

After what I said up there^, I've been a bit mean. But I think it's a troll, so hey ho!

YANBU. Drives me mad, and it's not confined to AIBU, either.

Sometimes i think what planet is this fool on? Some people give the impression of not having a clue what a hard life actually is, but at same time glad for that. Also who knows what the OP life is like and some people in life are more easy going than others. Going to Morissons instead of Tesco is an example of an AIBU, i lol at.

Agrees with exotic - drip feeding.

I think it's perfectly fine to give someone a bit of straight-talking. Sometimes people really do need it (I say this as someone who has needed it on occasion, like everyone else!). But, there are ways of saying you are making a big deal out of something that is not that important (and stressing yourself out needlessly) that are not rude, unhelpful or unkind.

A very simple "If that's all there is to it, I think you're over reacting."" or "IMO you're taking this too much to heart. Why not sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning?" or even "You've been a bit silly, but no harm done. Put it behind you and try to enjoy the rest of your day/evening/Christmas etc etc" I think are fine. "Is that all you have to worry about? Well you are a nasty thoughtless cow and you don't deserve the privileged life you lead" is not.

Don't we all need a reality check sometimes? A "don't sweat it. It's not worth it"??

Good point Katie. Op yanbu. I have had similar replies myself. Being told my problem needs perspective is fine but how can a stranger really know what your life is like? As someone who had had 3 brereavements in the last 2 years my life is not clover.