to tell all the screaming shouting parents in all the shopping centres today.....to

[festi]

just stay at home if you cant deal with shopping with the kids.

honestly I witnessed so many parents yanking small children around by hoods...and screaming and shouting at them swearing, smaking and telling thier children to shut up!!!

It was quite sad really, Im no model parent or judgy pants, but really if it is so stressfull then people should stay at home.

I also understand many have no choice but to take children with them Im in the same boat, had to take dd shopping with me today. But just think it is a task everyone has to endure so lets make it as pain free as possible for everyone, the children included.

Huntycat has described the other side of the fence to you OP. That's the reality. People don't mean to shout at their kids but if you have more than one and they won't listen or they might endanger themselves, then you have to keep them under control and safe whilst thinking about what's on your list, where your purse is, is there a queue, have you forgotten anything etc.

Huntycat, I feel for you. Hope it goes OK. Have a when you get back.

How strange OP, you didn't ask HuntyCat whereabouts she is and offer to assist her next week?

I'm lucky enough to have completed my shopping, and am at my Mum's for a couple of days so won't have to do food shopping.

On Friday, I'll be having my DSis's boys while she does her food shopping, as well as 2 of DS's friends whose Mums work don't get paid until Thursday night. I'm sure they'll be pretty excited but I have a DVD and sweets ready and plan to make my downstairs into a home cinema for the morning. Perhaps instead of doing cats bum faces on MN last night you could have texted a few friends and asked if they needed a hand over the next few days?? If each of us who is smugly organised did that, perhaps there would be less parets reaching the end of their tether.

Op YANBU.

I might be going mad, but I am sure that the op has said several times now, that she doesn't have a problem with people taking their dc with them, but does have a problem with them shouting, swearing and dragging them about. Two totally different things.

I think peoples argument with you festi is that whilst you are correct, you seem to be unable to acknowledge that this is something out of many peoples control and really quite normal. It seems to have become the case that "perfect" parenting involves basically never reacting to anything, pre-empting your childrens every move and never ever showing anything as human as frustration, anger or embarrassment. That will never happen!

I took my two shopping later on yesterday as I had to - my eldest has severe adhd and his meds wear off at around five thirty, so normally hell and high water wont find me in a supermarket with him but this was a needs must situation. Ten minutes in I had to grab him to stop him running down the wine aisle knocking every bottle off on the way down. My two year old screeched all the way, the bloody trolley had a mind of its own and people kept barging into me and the kids. Thirty minutes of that and I swear to god I could have left them both at the gates of hell unaided.

My way of keeping a handle on him is to get down to eye level and whilst I didnt shout, I was loud and firm because I HAVE to be to keep the message clear to him. I also have to (gently) hold his face in my hands as if he doesnt look in the eyes it means he isnt paying attention and someone tutted at me on the way past. HOWEVER shopping brings out the worst in him and this rarely works - by the end of it a steady stream of "Minifly stop it now, stop it, STOP IT RIGHT NOW OR YOU GO TO BED THE MINUTE WE GET HOME!!!!" is more likely what you will see. My son is gorgeous and you cannot tell anything is wrong with him but if I wasnt on his back constantly on the very rare occasions I have to face the seventh level of hell that is supermarket shopping with him, there would be a thread turning up on mn saying something along the lines of " AIBU to yell and scream at the hooligan child who upended my trolley today whilst his mother did nothing."

There is nothing wrong with not liking what you heard but you need to widen your eyes to the experiences and lives of others to understand that it may not be as you interpreted it.

"I think peoples argument with you festi is that whilst you are correct, you seem to be unable to acknowledge that this is something out of many peoples control and really quite normal. It seems to have become the case that "perfect" parenting involves basically never reacting to anything, pre-empting your childrens every move and never ever showing anything as human as frustration, anger or embarrassment. That will never happen!"

Just to respond this, what I have described that I witnessed is not normal, obviously out of controle, but should not be described nor accepted as normal parenting. I have stated that I am talking about people, screaming swearing, dragging kids around by thier hoods, hitting. Im not talking about people telling thier children off, using reasonable tones of voices, even shouting!!. neither am I talking about people grabbing, holding on to their children to prevent accidents or attempting to take control of them.

All parents yell at their kids from time to time. I personally try not to look down on those unless they are smacking their children or being particularly vicious.

To be fair zookeeper i'm certain if you left them home alone this close to Christmas they would be fine and just set traps for burglars.

forgot my

"screaming swearing, dragging kids around by thier hoods, hitting" Clearly that's not an acceptable way to treat a dog never mind a child but these are people feeling extreme pressure and most probably regret it later.

I do think it is unfair for people to imply that those with lower incomes are incapable of budgeting and have to get everything last minute.

Oooh 0 dunno - I went to xxxx shopping centre in London on the day there was a teachers strike. It was my first time shopping this year and I had to take ds (due to the teachers strike). No other opportunities to shop this year (apart from online but then I'm out and about and don't have the time to pick up from sorting offices).

It was packed and I had a load of things to do and get and I was terrified ds would get lost. I didn't shout at him but I did have him by the hood most of the time and getting the bus home was a nightmare and I pretty much had him by the upper arm at that point. Not great for him or for me.

No shouting, no nasty comments - just pure bloody fear and fatigue!

@ Pregola.

As much as I dislike taking any of my DCs shopping, sometime it is unavoidable. I also dislike telling them off but sometimes that is unavoidable too. Really as a parent you can never do right for doing wrong - you tell your child off in public and people are quick to judge saying "ah, poor child, being told off in front of everyone like that" or you don't tell your child off and the same judgey twats people are there saying "look at that child, why doesn't his mother do something, how disgusting".

Can't win.

Festi

I agree with you

Their was a muni the co_op today shrieking at her 2 yr old 'don't touch that, dont run off, youcanhave that because you've been naughty'

Whatever might have happened that night or morning or whatever it looked awful and I felt so sad for that 2 year old

If you can't amend your Shrieky harridaness in public what the gel are you like at home

Muni = mum

Its really depressing to see eh ? especially when its christmas shopping supposed to be all jolly and festive , i think some people get xmas rage , I know its stressful busy and hot , but i wish people would stop and think about the little person they are dragging about and shouting at , im not a perfect parent either and we all loose or patience sometimes but i dont like seeing that especially if the kids are screaming because they have been screamed at ,

I have had to take twins (just turned 3) to a shopping mall on friday vouchers expired soon.... they both had a huge screaming fit as i wouldnt buy them ice cream....

BOTH sat on the floor against Boot's window for 3 minutes...... Then got up said they were sorry gave each other a hug held hands and we wandered on together

50/50 on the comments i got in the 3 minutes ;)

LOTS of tutting...One woman even came up to offer to buy the ice cream???
Another lovly lady came and told me her twins are now mid 20's she remembers hers doing the same...and they turned out ok ;)

Perhaps i should have joined in with the effing shut up brigade and nipped into gregs?

ooh that could have been me in the co-op! but i wasn't shrieking, i was hissing! I'm not perfect but have a over excited 3 year old and a 10 week old and sometimes I'm not the cool parent i want to be. i never ever swear at them though.

Christ almighty - anyone who goes shopping between now and Mid-February is barking.

I need to go to Lakeside and Ikea - no way on Gods Green Earth will I be going before then.

shudders @ the thought of the masses descending

coffeeDog

I dont think festi is saying anything about people going shopping with children and being annoyed with them a little I think she is talking about the parents who pull at kids because they arnt walking fast enough or the parents want to get from A to B in record time , Of course we shouldnt stay home and not shop , but alot of the parents she was on about are taking their fustrations out on children , imo , there is a difference between telling of a naughty child than dragging them because they are not walking quick enough or objecting to going shopping ,

I not only shop online but shop online when the kids are in bed. The only way to do it without stress!

I think it is hell on earth out there right now and I shall be staying away from the shops as much as I can

That always gets bought up on MN
'if they are like that in public god alone knows what they are like at home' with lots of faces and prayers for the poor little kiddies.

Its crap. Just because you shout in the street or are short tempered in Aldi, it doesnt mean you lock your kids in a cupboard at home and beat them with a brick before breakfast.

People can be very controlled in public, a paragon and a veritable pillar of respectabilty and do the most despicable things in the privacy of their homes.

*Festi

I agree with you

Their was a muni the co_op today shrieking at her 2 yr old 'don't touch that, dont run off, youcanhave that because you've been naughty'

Whatever might have happened that night or morning or whatever it looked awful and I felt so sad for that 2 year old*

To be honest, that just sounds like a Mum giving her 2 yo necessary instructions. How else are you supposed to tell them stuff? You often haven't got time to strike sugar coated deals and plea bargains with 2 yos who can run off and disappear in less than 10 seconds.

Don't feel sad for the 2 yo whose Mum didn't want them to touch stuff or run away. They will not bear emotional scars from having instructions given to them.

I was just about to adress that mrsD, I don't alter my parenting in public, that doesn't mean I'm worse at home it means that what you see is what you get, at all times. I'm consistent.