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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell all the screaming shouting parents in all the shopping centres today.....to

90 replies

festi · 17/12/2011 16:16

just stay at home if you cant deal with shopping with the kids.

honestly I witnessed so many parents yanking small children around by hoods...and screaming and shouting at them swearing, smaking and telling thier children to shut up!!!

It was quite sad really, Im no model parent or judgy pants, but really if it is so stressfull then people should stay at home.

I also understand many have no choice but to take children with them Im in the same boat, had to take dd shopping with me today. But just think it is a task everyone has to endure so lets make it as pain free as possible for everyone, the children included.

OP posts:

MrsvWoolf · 17/12/2011 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KarenMillenCoat · 17/12/2011 19:01

I grabbed DS by the hood today. It was either that or scrape him off the road when he escaped from my clutches let go of my hand as I was unstrapping his brother's car seat. I know which I'd rather do.

Laquitar · 17/12/2011 19:05

That's only one second of their shopping trip, maybe the rest of the day was fab, watching the xmas decorations, choosing presents for extended family, chatting, laughing, having lunch etc. Why do you choose to only notice that one second, the 'stressful' one? To feel better about yourself?

Why should they stay home?

Original poster

festi · 17/12/2011 19:09

that all depends zookeeper, if you can get through it without abusing and assaulting your children, then yeah go for it. If not then yes I would suggest, stay at home and dont go shopping, Its just not worth it, think about alternative arrangements.

I think making out it is a single parent problem is wrong, its not a single parent problem at all and making out it is does no justice to single parents. so its ok, to abuse and assault you children because you are a single parent with money worries. . I am a single parent with money worries. I just dont think its an excusse to abuse your children when with some fore thought there are alternatives if shopping is something anyone finds so stressfull they resort to abuse.

Im certainly not judging taking children shopping Im judging the lack of self controle, it just seems sad. when the kids are opening their presents on chrismas day and all you can think is oh yes I remember the day we bought that for you, I dragged you away from the sweet counter and threw you in the push chair shouting in your face, shut the fuck up, not something I would want for my dcs. Im not talking about the people who are telling their children off quite rightly im talking about the people I seen today assaulting their kids and im shocked there where so many.

OP posts:

MrsRhettButler · 17/12/2011 19:11

YABU everyone knows that's what hoods are really for... They're so handy......

I went shopping today with dss, dd1 and dd2 and I only had to shout a little bit. IANBU

Mollydoggerson · 17/12/2011 19:13

Maybe you sould stay out of the shops at this stressful time.

Laquitar · 17/12/2011 19:15

@ Mollydoggerson

wahwah1270 · 17/12/2011 19:53

Yabvu you don't know the circumstances and there is nothing worse than judgey people

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 17/12/2011 19:54

Have another
And a nice yellow duster to polish that parenting halo.

Meglet · 17/12/2011 19:57

yabu.

I'm a LP, 2 young children and I work in the week. I didn't actually take them in today but we will have to pop into town next week. I will be the rattiest mum ever by the end of the trip, which will only be about an hour long. I hate going in with them and spend the whole time trying to get them to behave but can't do much about it. I don't swear though.

Ilovepigs · 17/12/2011 21:12

Will you think I lack self control op if I tell you to do one?

RosemaryandThyme · 17/12/2011 21:24

Radical thought but as its' the season of good will - how about next time we see a parent getting snippy with the children we offer to help !

"Would you like me to keep an eye on your children so you can browse?" - might be the best christmas present that mum could hope for - and I for one would feel great spending 10 mins occupying someones toddler while the mum heaved things into a basket.

Come on - lets' give it a go!

Original poster

festi · 17/12/2011 21:27

seems unanimous then. It is reasonable to verbaly and physicaly bully, degarde and humiliate your children in public, but its ok because it is christmas, people are stressed and have money worries. .

OP posts:

Molehillmountain · 17/12/2011 21:28

Hope you're crb checked rosemary especially when offering to do such a strange thing as help! Stand back and judge like a normal person for goodness sakes!

baubleybobbityhat · 17/12/2011 21:30

Have you not read your own thread festi? Plenty of people agreeing with you!

Or perhaps you are just in the mood for a barny?

Ilovepigs · 17/12/2011 21:30

You havent done one yet then festi?-can you not take the hint? YABVVVU jjust in case you missed it btw.

RedHotSanta · 17/12/2011 21:35

Is it wrong to swear at your DCs? Yes it is.

Is it wrong to take your DCs shopping because you have no childcare/work fulltime, and then shout a bit because your DCs are acting up? No it isn't.

HTH.

Molehillmountain · 17/12/2011 21:36

Festi-I don't think anyone has said its reasonable. However lots of people have said it is unanticipated, and happens when people are under loads of stress. I held my hands up to having been a shouty unpleasant parent, I sought help and, importantly my circumstances changed. Therefore I choose not to judge those it happens to because the whole of their shopping trip let alone their parenting may be like the moment you saw. If you had a friend you knew constantly did this kind of thing I hope you'd do something to lighten her load, and supportively ask if she was okay. Because if you were worried about the children the best way to help them is to help their parent. But yes, if you were certain you were going to be shouty and rough and swear at your children if you took them out and had a chance to go another time, then maybe, you would be being unreasonable. And I don't think this applies to most of the people you saw today.

missymarmite · 17/12/2011 21:37

It isn't reasonable, but we are all just human beings. Life isn't neat and tidy, and it isn't always possible to keep a lid on your frustrations when your child(ren) keep on and on and on, are constantly moaning and whinging and misbehaving, and you have to try to concentrate on keeping an eye on them so they don't disappear, while symulaniously keeping a track on what you need to buy, and your seriously limited finances.

I find christmas increadibly stressful as it is, with very little spare money and all that pressure to buy presents for the family. I also don't have people to hand whenever I need it to babysit, and I can't get everything online. Some days the constant pressure to not get more and more in to debt while providing the necessities of life and listening you your child moan about how they can't have this, can't have that, while most of their friends do...The guilt and exhaustion of holding down a job while raising a child single handed... no being able to go shopping while the kids are at school because (shock horror) I am working...

Yes, YABU and very judgey. In some cases your judgement may have foundation, in many others, it is unfair and just makes the stress and pressure harder to bear.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 17/12/2011 21:40

sigh.
Yet another thread with the OP getting massively passive agressive and missing the point of people's objections.

Did you follow these masses of abusive parents around taking notes? Did you go to their homes and look through their windows and see them being vile to their children?

Or did you see a few seconds out of a few stranger's lives? How do you know that they are not actually far better parents than you are in so many other ways? They may feed their children better, they may have given a kidney, sat up for night after night with a chronically sick child, they may have taken in a child and cared for it because the child's parents couldnt/wouldnt, they may spend hours teaching their child sign language because they cant speak/hear, they may do hours of physio to keep their lungs clear, they may work long, long hours to keep their children fed.......

But because you lump a lot of different parents into one big pile of crapness you fail to see anything past want you want..

that you are lovely and dont shout and all those other parents are mean and horrible and not as lovely as you.

No one thinks its ok to shout and drag and berate children. Most of us realise that parents are human and make mistakes and have emotions and sometimes lose control.

Glitterandglue · 17/12/2011 21:55

I have held my nephew (so not even mine!) by the hood before by the side of a road for about fifteen minutes while he screamed and strained against it and yelled that I was choking him (he was about seven).

The alternative was to let him go and let him run across a dual carriageway during his fit of temper. I chose the course of action which I am 100% many people passing by judged me badly for, but which meant that once he'd calmed down we got to walk home safely, rather than me having to phone an ambulance.

I do have to say I was ever-so-slightly worried when the police van passed by, but I'm glad to say they seemed to recognise that this wasn't an abusive situation and they didn't come over.

Hardgoing · 17/12/2011 22:04

I think the point you are making Festi, is that the whole point of Christmas is that it should be a nice family time, and actually, if getting presents makes you swear and be aggressive to your children, then it's completely missing the point. There's a deal of difference between shouting/disciplining your child verbally or pulling a child by the hand toward you out of the road and swearing/smacking your children in public in a totally uncontrolled manner.

And, sorry, but people dragging, hitting and swearing at their children in public is not ok, why even try to justify it? It's deeply unpleasant for those around you, who feel embarrassed, wonder whether to intervene, it's difficult to switch off when someone is shouting 'shut up' in a child's face, or pinching them hard as I have seen recently to control their child in public. Nice.

CardyMow · 17/12/2011 22:50

I get my benefits on the 23rd. I have to buy the last of my christmas presents. I am a lone parent, and will have to take all 4 of my dc with me. one of them is a 10mo baby, and two of the older dc have autism. I will be the shouty, ranty, just shut up mum by the end of the day. I may even grab one of my dc by their hoods. Mostly because 8yo DS2 has NO road sense, and if he decides to try to run in the road - I would rather grab his hood than let him get squashed, and I still have to keep one hand on the pram.

Go ahead - Judge me. I won't notice, mind you. After 13 years with first one, then two children with autism, I am beyond noticing people who have swallowed their own faces with their cats-bum mouths.

I love my dc, I don't usually rant at them, but I can foresee that doing Christmas shopping on the 23rd with 4 dc, 2 of them with autism, is quite probably going to be the most stressful thing I have EVER attempted. I can't get any childcare.

KittyFane · 18/12/2011 00:05

OP, you have nothing against people shopping with their DC, you hate to see DC pulled about and shouted at.
YANBU.

I love pigs here, have one of these -

zookeeper · 18/12/2011 09:36

Must be lovely to be so stupid black and white, Festi.

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