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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy my brother anything for Christmas?

68 replies

superduperdiva · 16/12/2011 22:29

Please be honest with me about this one...

Brother is a year younger than me. The other times our family have ever had any presents off him for xmas or bdays is when he's had a girlfriend as she's sorted it.

Many a year he would shower himself with gifts but buy nothing for anyone else, pleading poverty (total rubbish). SO many years I have bought things and got nothing in return. Not even a bday present when my bday is 2wks after xmas.

I got nothing for my bday this yr and my little boy (his only nephew) didnt get anything for his first bday despite him happily coming to his party and eating all our food/drinking our beer.

I can't bring myself to buy anything for him. I just can't. It's my DS's lack of present that did it tbh.

Oh and he owes me £1000 that he's never paid me back from a few years ago. He's always flashing his cash about - £5k watches, nights out in London, expensive designer clothes etc.

AIBU? Should I rise above it and buy him something??? He is bringing a new girlfriend for christmas and part of me is thinking I will look terrible to her if I don't..... arghhh!!!

OP posts:
CrapBag · 16/12/2011 22:31

Don't bother. He is an adult now, you can say that you are cutting back and not buying for adults now.

I hate this sort of thing. My younger sister kicks up if I don't buy anything but me or my kids don't even get a bloody text to acknowledge our birthdays.

OldGreyWassailTest · 16/12/2011 22:31

Tell him you've deducted £30 off what he owes you - but write it in a nice card for him to open.

belledechocchipcookie · 16/12/2011 22:32

I'd present him with a direct debit mandate for the 1k he owes you.

Merlotmonster · 16/12/2011 22:34

i wouldnt bother.....he wont dare mention it (and if he does, then say..'i assumed we werent doing presents anymore')
have a happy christmas x

inkyfingers · 16/12/2011 22:36

A great introduction to his girlfriend on what he's really like. He won't be giving you anything, so she can't be surprised if he doesn't get. Keep one ready in case he surprises you btw

Original poster
superduperdiva · 16/12/2011 22:36

The thing about not buying stuff for adults is that I have. I've spent quite a lot on the other adults in the family as I like/enjoy doing so. And frankly they deserve it.

Oldgrey and belle as much as I would love to do that I wouldnt want to create a scene/family argument over christmas.

At least he wont be here for xmas day itself. Everyone else opening pressies from me around him might be more than a little awkward.

OP posts:
Original poster
superduperdiva · 16/12/2011 22:37

inky keeping one ready isnt a bad idea. Although tbh he would have to buy me a lot of pressies to get anywhere close to breaking even.

OP posts:
BeaHededd · 16/12/2011 22:37

I would give him a hand written voucher for £20 stating this is being deducted from his debt. He will have to open it in front of his new girlfriend and may be embarrassed enough to open a discussion about a pay back system.
If not then I would not be partaking in any gift buying for a very long time.

belledechocchipcookie · 16/12/2011 22:40

You could always give him a gift card with no cash on it if you have one (along with a note).

Original poster
superduperdiva · 16/12/2011 22:41

THe problem with the £1000 is that he doesnt think he owes me it.

In a nutshell DH was a guarantor on an agreement for him (long story). Brother didnt pay it (surprise surprise) so I paid it to save DH from bankruptcy (got out a credit card to pay it in fact). Brother says I didnt have to pay it and it was my choice.

OP posts:
pinkmagic1 · 16/12/2011 22:42

My sisters are like this! They are not short on cash but are extremely stingy. My DD got a headband between both of them for her last birthday! I wouldn't mind if they were genuinely skint but they are not. I have resorted to pondland for their presents!

Original poster
superduperdiva · 16/12/2011 22:45

I have a box of ferrero rocher in the kitchen. Maybe I'll stick a gold rosette thing on that in case he gets me something.

OP posts:
TararaBOOMdeay · 16/12/2011 22:52

Brother says I didnt have to pay it and it was my choice.

Your husband was guarantor i.e. legally bound to pay if he defaulted? And he defaulted? And he said the above?

And you even have to ask if you're BU not to buy him Christmas present?

You SO know the answer to this one, I'm amazed you even still speak to him!

BeaHededd · 16/12/2011 22:55

It wasn't your choice to pay it. If you hadn't then your DH would have been blacklisted.
You are obviously never going to get the money back but you have no obligation to reward his behaviour (even with chocolate).

SnapesMistressofMerriment · 16/12/2011 22:56

Do your parents know about the money he ows you?

Original poster
superduperdiva · 16/12/2011 22:57

Seriously this is only the tip of the iceberg....

I could go on and on and on and on.

I think I am struggling with this for 2 reasons 1) the new gfriend and me looking bad to her and him spinning her a load of crap and 2) the amount of have spent on other people.

God I am being weak arnt I.

I think the chocs in reserve (in case gfriend has organised something) is the best bet. NOT to be given otherwise.

OP posts:
NoOnesGoingToEatYourMincePies · 16/12/2011 22:57

Bloody hell, OP. Don't just not buy him a present, steal his watch!

YANBU.

Original poster
superduperdiva · 16/12/2011 22:59

snapes yes. Theyve totally had enough of him and keep out of it now.

My fave line from him (after he borrowed our car and run up £300 worth of parking tickets/penalty charges) "Fine I will pay them but we have to call it quits then" (referring to the £1000) Call it quits??! wtf??!

Ok I am getting angry now :(

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 16/12/2011 22:59

Give him the Ferraro Rocher. In our family that would say far more than the lack of a present!!

AnotherMincepie · 16/12/2011 23:00

Don't buy a Christmas present if you don't want to, and ask directly for the return of the money you are owed.

No point doing the passive aggressive stuff IMO. Can't stand all that huffing and getting on the high horse. Just be direct and straightforward.

Original poster
superduperdiva · 16/12/2011 23:02

another I have asked directly many many times.

Answers are usually I don't have it or I don't owe it (for reasons said above).

OP posts:
BeaHededd · 16/12/2011 23:03

Keep the chocs in reserve and if his new GF has got you something give them to her pointedly.

Original poster
superduperdiva · 16/12/2011 23:04

Bea good idea about giving them to her instead.

OP posts:
BeaHededd · 16/12/2011 23:04

I didn't mean point them at her I meant give them to her only Grin

WTFlike · 16/12/2011 23:05

With all due respect - stop being a mug.

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